Author | Lightnews

Pete Bernardin @bernardinpete.bsky.social · 5h

Opinion: it was very rude of him to test our professionalism and that's the whole point of the story.

- The Editors

Pete Bernardin @bernardinpete.bsky.social · 1d

Breaking: CBS News is investigating claims that the number of jewels stolen from each display case lines up perfectly with the Fibonacci Sequence

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Pete Bernardin @bernardinpete.bsky.social · 1d

I would have given the one good monkey a chance to show the others down a better path

Pete Bernardin @bernardinpete.bsky.social · 2d

Can we just do a 3rd base coaching drill, I think I can do a good job keeping my arm still

Pete Bernardin @bernardinpete.bsky.social · 2d

Gently though, so the umpire doesn't get you for bad crotch-touching

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Pete Bernardin @bernardinpete.bsky.social · 2d

The kakistocracy will be implemented through tedious corporate HR workflows, yay

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Pete Bernardin @bernardinpete.bsky.social · 2d

This morning the president engaged in one of his favorite hobbies, a playful dalliance with his oath to uphold the constitution.

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Pete Bernardin @bernardinpete.bsky.social · 2d

He decided to take the high school AP class "Is This a Tiger" to free up some college time for a semester of "Is This a Giraffe".

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Pete Bernardin @bernardinpete.bsky.social · 3d

As a philosopher I believe that I am wandering through the corn maze but am not lost. Any suggestions chat

Pete Bernardin @bernardinpete.bsky.social · 3d

They seem to think they're doing good satire here, so yes there must be some kind of serious problem.

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Pete Bernardin @bernardinpete.bsky.social · 3d

But hear me out, when you see the beige thigh-section up close on TV it's actually worse than you thought

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Pete Bernardin @bernardinpete.bsky.social · 3d

The Paul Ryan School of "I Would Be a Free-Market Swashbuckler If I Wanted to"

Pete Bernardin @bernardinpete.bsky.social · 3d

The little doe-eyed cartoon can only discover the concept of the working poor after leveling up his lightning attack to defeat the Corrupted Wizard.

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Pete Bernardin @bernardinpete.bsky.social · 3d

News Analysis: Men are from Mars, women are from Venus, and flesh-sacks of personality disorders are from some cool third place, let's say Mercury.

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Pete Bernardin @bernardinpete.bsky.social · 3d

If I lose I will have no choice but to move permanently to Mar-a-Lago and write poolside op-eds about How the Democratic Party Left Me.

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Pete Bernardin @bernardinpete.bsky.social · 3d

I was most impressed when he patriotically told the BBC audience "no, me not the fucking Biscuit Monster".

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Pete Bernardin @bernardinpete.bsky.social · 3d

Corporate Raider Brain: make us sound like plucky underdogs, but not so underdog that we're like those losers out there.

Pete Bernardin @bernardinpete.bsky.social · 3d

PREGNANT WOMEN: TYLENOL BAD, BLEACH AND DETERGENT GOOD PROBABLY, THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER

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Pete Bernardin @bernardinpete.bsky.social · 5d

He knows that neoconfederates like the word "heritage" and thinks this is enough for a clever Gotcha moment. The moral hazard of being allowed to play on Easy Mode all the time, thanks CNN.

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Pete Bernardin @bernardinpete.bsky.social · 5d

She's working her way down the government corruption food chain, eventually she'll be elected dog-catcher in Flagstaff who waits for Trump's DOJ to tell her which dogs should be caught.

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Pete Bernardin @bernardinpete.bsky.social · 5d

What if we built two huge battleships to symbolize the might of our empire and forced our enemies to have some kind of flying machines to deal with them

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Pete Bernardin @bernardinpete.bsky.social · 5d

The straw man you built somehow pulled a Muhammad Ali rope-a-dope on you and won by TKO

Pete Bernardin @bernardinpete.bsky.social · 6d

I was wondering what the $75k was all about, looks like it's $75M being spent by Ontario

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Pete Bernardin @bernardinpete.bsky.social · 6d

I'm not convinced that anybody making these claims is the real Normies Knower.

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Pete Bernardin @bernardinpete.bsky.social · 6d

Seems like a beginner-level whodunit, I'm going with the assholes openly claiming the extrajudicial murdering powers.

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