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Baby Diary (Ͼ˳Ͽ)

@babydiary.bsky.social

170 followers 140 following 220 posts

Thoughts from a real baby. Inspired by zefrank’s pet diary.

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Baby Diary (Ͼ˳Ͽ) @babydiary.bsky.social · Mar 18

Dear diary. The term “Transport Response” is when a baby is calmed while being carried and moving.

Dada compares it to the late-1900s movie “Speed”. He must carry me around at a minimum pace of 2.5 km/h, or else the “cry bomb” will go off. #babylife

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Baby Diary (Ͼ˳Ͽ) @babydiary.bsky.social · 2d

Dear Diary. It’s been a couple of months since I started dropping logs and rolling over on the change mat. Dada is now a little more nervous during diaper duty.

Like, dude, you’d prefer I just lie down in my diaper gravy? No, thanks. Drop and roll. That’s my strategy. Keep up.

#babylife

Baby Diary (Ͼ˳Ͽ) @babydiary.bsky.social · 3d

Dear Diary. So what if I prefer to mash my bananas in my hands instead of in my mouth? I only have 2 teeth anyways!

#foodie

Baby Diary (Ͼ˳Ͽ) @babydiary.bsky.social · 16d

Dear Diary. Dada says I’m like a dog sometimes.

I have long, stringy drool that oozes towards the ground when I’m feeling content.

When I’m feeling excited, my breathing turns into a heavy pant.

I lick people’s faces.

But guess who eats food that has fallen on the floor? Dada!

#dogs #doglife

Baby Diary (Ͼ˳Ͽ) @babydiary.bsky.social · 21d

Dear Diary. My parents always say I’m cat-like.

Yes, I like to push things off ledges.

Yes, I like watching videos of birds and squirrels in a bird bath.

Yes, I love body warmth for naps.

But guess who makes “meow” sounds every time they see anything resembling a cat? You guys!

#cats #catlife

Baby Diary (Ͼ˳Ͽ) @babydiary.bsky.social · 28d

Dear Diary. Having solid 💩 kind of sucks.

I push and I scream with all my might, thinking this has got to be really big…and all I get is a hershey’s kiss!

There I was, imagining breaking world records, ready with Guiness on speed dial.

#solid

Baby Diary (Ͼ˳Ͽ) @babydiary.bsky.social · Sep 27

As it turns out, I got Dada sick. Oops. 🙊

Baby Diary (Ͼ˳Ͽ) @babydiary.bsky.social · Sep 27

Dear Diary. I caught my first cold last week. So I thought I’d update my Dada’s moon systems. 🌕

I climbed up his chest and headbutt-slobbered into his open mouth. Instead of a thanks, I get an “eww, gross”!

Like, you’re welcome. You won’t be catching the T-Virus anytime soon.

#germs

Baby Diary (Ͼ˳Ͽ) @babydiary.bsky.social · Sep 27

Dear Diary. So my parents always laugh when they catch me kissing and slobbering all over the mirror for minutes at a time.

I really don’t get what’s funny about wanting to rescue the very cute baby trapped behind the glass.

Like in the fairytales, maybe a kiss will break the spell?

#fairytale

Baby Diary (Ͼ˳Ͽ) @babydiary.bsky.social · Sep 25

Dear Diary. Mama and Dada now take turns putting me to bed. Sometimes I wake up and one of them is in the room with me, and not necessarily who I fell asleep with.

I might be asleep, but I can tell which one is Dada. He thinks he’s sneaky with his silent flatulence.

#smelly

Baby Diary (Ͼ˳Ͽ) @babydiary.bsky.social · Sep 24

Dear Diary. Apparently, I like to throw things on the floor. Especially things that go in my mouth.

I do it so often in fact, that Mama is tethering things to me so they don’t get floor germs. 🦠

#babylife

Baby Diary (Ͼ˳Ͽ) @babydiary.bsky.social · Sep 20

Dear Diary. I am a cheerful, happy baby…as long as I get what I want! 💁‍♀️

Baby Diary (Ͼ˳Ͽ) @babydiary.bsky.social · Sep 13

Dear Diary. When I’m trying to protest my displeasure, Dada will sometimes pat my back, making my voice appear choppy.

Like, I’m trying to be serious but instead end up sounding silly. Ugh!

#babylife #protest #silly

Baby Diary (Ͼ˳Ͽ) @babydiary.bsky.social · Sep 11

Dada, silently carrying me: …

Me, pulling his beard: screech!

Dada, opening mouth: ouch!

Me, putting slobbery, wet fingers in his mouth: hahaha

Eat my baby germs, Dada! 🦠

#babylife #beard #slobber #transfer

Baby Diary (Ͼ˳Ͽ) @babydiary.bsky.social · Sep 11

Dear Diary. Dada’s eyes looked sad as he walked me in the stroller yesterday. He said he’s “going back to work tomorrow”. I didn’t know what that meant.

Today was awful. He wasn’t able to constantly shower me with love and attention! Is this what he meant?

#babylife #babyblues

Baby Diary (Ͼ˳Ͽ) @babydiary.bsky.social · Sep 5

Yelp review for Dada.

Only for the eclectic palate. A roller coaster of chef’s choice, you’ll never guess if he’ll serve up purée, mash, or whole food. The zucchini sticks and yam fries are amazing and mess-free.

Say 🚫 to bottle. It could be formula, not always 38°C.

6.5/10

#foodie #foodreview

Baby Diary (Ͼ˳Ͽ) @babydiary.bsky.social · Sep 5

Yelp review for Mama.

I recommend the bottomless milk on tap. It is delicious, day evening and night. However supply will be cut off if I bite. So much for AYCE.

Sometimes I get complimentary teething wafers, but the last one had a hair in it.

Would repeat. 9/10

#foodie #foodreview

Baby Diary (Ͼ˳Ͽ) @babydiary.bsky.social · Aug 30

Dear Diary. Thanks to the lactation consultant, Mama now puts me in “booby timeout” every time I bite while feeding.

As I wait here in timeout, I quietly sharpen my little chompers.

#biting #twofrontteeth #breastfeeding

Baby Diary (Ͼ˳Ͽ) @babydiary.bsky.social · Aug 28

But have they ever heard of breath mints?

Baby Diary (Ͼ˳Ͽ) @babydiary.bsky.social · Aug 28

Dear Diary. Mama and Dada do this thing called the “kissy sandwich”.

They both smush their food holes against either side of my cheeks and make smoochy sound effects. 😘

I’m not sure how hygienic this is, but it’s kind of fun!

#babylife #smooches #kiss #sandwich

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Baby Diary (Ͼ˳Ͽ) @babydiary.bsky.social · Aug 24

Deat Diary. Dada walked me in the stroller almost 50 kilometres this past week.

He’s going to miss this when he gets “back to work” soon, or so I hear. I don’t even know what that means, but I hope nothing changes.

My #babylife is perfect right now.

#walk #walking

Baby Diary (Ͼ˳Ͽ) @babydiary.bsky.social · Aug 19

Dear Diary. Now I can finally pronounce “Mama”. Yay!

I guess it’s great timing, because I sense that she wasn’t thrilled about being called “naai” all this time. That means “milk” in Cantonese, btw.

#babylife #mama #speech

Baby Diary (Ͼ˳Ͽ) @babydiary.bsky.social · Aug 7

Dear Diary. Dada was absolutely thrilled that I can look him in the face and say “Dada” aloud. I can’t pronounce “Mama” yet though; the ‘m’ is difficult.

On an unrelated note, 90% of the syllables I can make are “da”. So if I have anything to say about any topic, it’s “da da da da da da”.

#speech

Baby Diary (Ͼ˳Ͽ) @babydiary.bsky.social · Aug 16

Dear Diary. Dada asked today: “Did your toot-toots invite some surprise guests for a diaper party?”

Where he comes up with such pooetry, nobody knows, but I suspect it comes from a place of experience.

#babylife #diaper

Baby Diary (Ͼ˳Ͽ) @babydiary.bsky.social · Aug 12

Dear Diary. Dada cooked Chawanmushi for me the other day. It was so yummy! 😋 Go eggs! 🥚

Much better than hard boiled or scrambled.

#foodie #chawanmushi

Baby Diary (Ͼ˳Ͽ) @babydiary.bsky.social · Aug 9

Dear Diary. Never revisit the scene of a crime.

As Dada walks laps around the room to transport me to sleep, he keeps passing through ground zero.

Every time I start nodding off, we both get a whiff of the toot toot he released. It’s a reactionary jolt, for sure.

It’s #truecrime 101. #eyeroll

Baby Diary (Ͼ˳Ͽ) @babydiary.bsky.social · Aug 9

Dear Diary. I tasted pureed mango 🥭 the other day, and I can’t stop thinking about it.

I long for its sweet return. Nothing has ever graced my taste buds quite like that. I will wait for you.

#foodie