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Australian Groan

@australiangroan.bsky.social

36 followers 25 following 420 posts

I told my wife that when I die, she has to print out a collection of my favourite dad jokes to hand out at my funeral. I'm here to share my favorites and collect new ones.

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Australian Groan @australiangroan.bsky.social · 11h

4 grandchildren ages between 1 to 10 and they live 1000km away.
So yep, every photo is a blessing

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Australian Groan @australiangroan.bsky.social · 11h

My daughter sent me the latest photo of one of my granddaughters.

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Australian Groan @australiangroan.bsky.social · 19h

I heard the support band for "The Doors" was " The Hinges"

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Australian Groan @australiangroan.bsky.social · 19h

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Australian Groan @australiangroan.bsky.social · 3d

It was a nightmare to untangle, I still have a PTSD twitch when I look at those pictures 😜

Australian Groan @australiangroan.bsky.social · 3d

Duplex units
Tenant B already had a connection, but the connection box was in Tenant A unit. Tenant B unit did not have a box installed.

Instead of getting it fixed, the property manager authorized B to run a cable through A's unit, out the window, across the driveway and into B.

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Australian Groan @australiangroan.bsky.social · 3d

I connect internet services for customers at brand new houses. 99% of connections just connect and go through in 1-2 days, but when shit goes wrong, it really really goes wrong.

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Australian Groan @australiangroan.bsky.social · 3d

As I often say to my customers, the only absolute statement I ever make is I don't do absolute statements.

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Australian Groan @australiangroan.bsky.social · 3d

Look, there's no time for Holden back, you need to Porsche Ford before others Jaguar spot.

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Australian Groan @australiangroan.bsky.social · 3d

I did that once — hit rewind, got distracted, and went a bit too far back.

Next thing I knew, there was a velociraptor in my kitchen eyeing off the toast.

Australian Groan @australiangroan.bsky.social · 5d

Lol

Australian Groan @australiangroan.bsky.social · 6d

There was an Aussie named Robbo,
who lost half his foot with one axe blow.
Docs replaced the injury,
With the sap from a tree.
And now his name is Roberto.

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Australian Groan @australiangroan.bsky.social · 8d

Say it with flowers - send a triffid!

Australian Groan @australiangroan.bsky.social · 9d

Here's a sunset from K'Gari ( aka Frasers Island aka Great Sandy Island)

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Australian Groan @australiangroan.bsky.social · 9d

I'm so close to becoming a billionaire!

I have all the zeros, now I just need another 1.

Australian Groan @australiangroan.bsky.social · 9d

Did you hear about the bride who ran away from her wedding?

She is still amiss.

Australian Groan @australiangroan.bsky.social · 9d

Needing paper, I went in a shop, and said to the assistant, “Do you keep stationary”?

She said “No, I move about a bit”.

Australian Groan @australiangroan.bsky.social · 11d

If you are ever locked out of your car go get some army fatigues, they are universal khaki

Australian Groan @australiangroan.bsky.social · 11d

I love reflections too.
I had the immense pleasure to visit Japan earlier this year and this is one of my most favorite photos from a favorite memory.
#Japan #snowmonkey

Australian Groan @australiangroan.bsky.social · 14d

Lol. Just sent this to my kids.

Australian Groan @australiangroan.bsky.social · 16d

Or when it becomes a-parent?

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Australian Groan @australiangroan.bsky.social · 16d

Fisherman1: Didn't catch much today, how about you?

Fisherman2: I caught like 40 bass.

F1: Wow. What ya use for bait?

F2: Just a small metronome

F1: A metronome?

F2: They can't resist the click bait. You won't believe how much the 12th one weighed...

Australian Groan @australiangroan.bsky.social · 17d

I was babysitting my grandson and he was playing cowboys.
He suddenly yelled “Yippee-ki-yay!” …and I just couldn’t help myself.

Now he’s in the corner, my daughter’s interrogating him, and I’m wondering — what’s the going rate for a decent bribe these days?

Australian Groan @australiangroan.bsky.social · 17d

I tried bungy jumping at school once off the sports hall.

I ended up getting suspended.

Australian Groan @australiangroan.bsky.social · 19d

My youngest nephew was upset. So, to cheer him up, I took him to the bookies.

It made him a little better.