Ariel Elias
@arielcomedy.bsky.social
Punchup.live/arielelias
Comedian, Kentucky, Jewish, Beer chugger
Comedian, Kentucky, Jewish, Beer chugger
I once dated a guy who ended up in a cult. Just a reminder that sometimes when a guy says he has commitment issues, he means it, but not always in the way you'd think.
November 29, 2025 at 6:06 PM
I once dated a guy who ended up in a cult. Just a reminder that sometimes when a guy says he has commitment issues, he means it, but not always in the way you'd think.
Can I do a face mask but for like, my creaky knees?
November 28, 2025 at 3:26 AM
Can I do a face mask but for like, my creaky knees?
In the movie Gattaca, there's a guy with extra fingers who's really good at the piano, but in reality he'd just be a guy who spends all his free time yelling that photos of him aren't AI.
November 26, 2025 at 4:49 PM
In the movie Gattaca, there's a guy with extra fingers who's really good at the piano, but in reality he'd just be a guy who spends all his free time yelling that photos of him aren't AI.
I saw Toy Story at too pivotal of an age. I just bought new socks and this morning made a point of still wearing the old ones so they don't feel left out.
November 26, 2025 at 3:36 PM
I saw Toy Story at too pivotal of an age. I just bought new socks and this morning made a point of still wearing the old ones so they don't feel left out.
I can tell I've done a lot of work on myself, because now when someone comments on a video that I'm fat and ugly, it doesn't trigger my eating disorder and send me into a spiral. I'm just like, ok but what did you think of the joke though
November 26, 2025 at 3:25 PM
I can tell I've done a lot of work on myself, because now when someone comments on a video that I'm fat and ugly, it doesn't trigger my eating disorder and send me into a spiral. I'm just like, ok but what did you think of the joke though
It's so funny when someone's like, "wait you do all your own booking? Why don't you have an agent?" Same reason I didn't have sex in high school - it's not a personal choice, there's just nobody interested.
November 25, 2025 at 6:10 PM
It's so funny when someone's like, "wait you do all your own booking? Why don't you have an agent?" Same reason I didn't have sex in high school - it's not a personal choice, there's just nobody interested.
Just a little cultural misunderstanding
November 25, 2025 at 6:03 PM
Just a little cultural misunderstanding
Jeans are like friends. The best ones grow with you.
November 21, 2025 at 3:58 PM
Jeans are like friends. The best ones grow with you.
Our health insurance is going from $400 a month to $1600. But because we can't afford that, we're actually gonna save $400 a month and be uninsured, so reverse, uno, jokes on you god I hope we don't die
November 21, 2025 at 1:25 AM
Our health insurance is going from $400 a month to $1600. But because we can't afford that, we're actually gonna save $400 a month and be uninsured, so reverse, uno, jokes on you god I hope we don't die
Even our reactions are dumber now. We went from "nevertheless she persisted" as a rallying cry to "oink oink"
November 19, 2025 at 5:25 PM
Even our reactions are dumber now. We went from "nevertheless she persisted" as a rallying cry to "oink oink"
Running for office?
At almost 100, Dick Van Dyke won't sit still — and is eying one more big role
Ahead of his 100th birthday, the legendary actor reflects on his life and movies and his secret to longevity.
Ahead of his 100th birthday, the legendary actor reflects on his life and movies and his secret to longevity.
At almost 100, Dick Van Dyke won't sit still — and is eying one more big role
Ahead of his 100th birthday, the legendary actor reflects on his life and movies and his secret to longevity.
www.nbcnews.com
November 19, 2025 at 4:00 PM
Running for office?
My husband is so excited because for Valentine's Day, I'm taking him to a Brandi Carlile concert. So instead of constantly questioning if I'm a lesbian, you should be asking if he is.
November 19, 2025 at 3:50 PM
My husband is so excited because for Valentine's Day, I'm taking him to a Brandi Carlile concert. So instead of constantly questioning if I'm a lesbian, you should be asking if he is.
Saw a headline that said "The Epstein Scandal is Snowballing." Now I'm terrified to find out what snowballing is slang for.
November 14, 2025 at 1:45 AM
Saw a headline that said "The Epstein Scandal is Snowballing." Now I'm terrified to find out what snowballing is slang for.
I'm performing in Charlotte, NC on Wednesday 11/12*
*assuming, you know, planes
Tickets 👇
*assuming, you know, planes
Tickets 👇
November 10, 2025 at 6:43 PM
I'm performing in Charlotte, NC on Wednesday 11/12*
*assuming, you know, planes
Tickets 👇
*assuming, you know, planes
Tickets 👇
Dogs act like kids who grew up during the depression. They're just like, "oh hell yeah, this stick is my new favorite toy. Wait, AND you're feeding me an egg today? Is it my birthday?"
November 10, 2025 at 4:54 PM
Dogs act like kids who grew up during the depression. They're just like, "oh hell yeah, this stick is my new favorite toy. Wait, AND you're feeding me an egg today? Is it my birthday?"
Remember to take rest days!!! An important part of being productive is making time for yourself to feel guilty about not being productive!
November 9, 2025 at 8:12 PM
Remember to take rest days!!! An important part of being productive is making time for yourself to feel guilty about not being productive!
Remember, if you want that perfect winter body, you should be eating carbs now
November 7, 2025 at 4:25 PM
Remember, if you want that perfect winter body, you should be eating carbs now
Communication was always our issue
Upcoming dates
Charlotte, NC 11/12
New Orleans, LA (Skankfest) 11/14 - 11/16
Great Barrington, MA 12/12
Chicago, IL 12/17
Boca Raton, FL 3/6
Upcoming dates
Charlotte, NC 11/12
New Orleans, LA (Skankfest) 11/14 - 11/16
Great Barrington, MA 12/12
Chicago, IL 12/17
Boca Raton, FL 3/6
November 6, 2025 at 2:51 PM
Communication was always our issue
Upcoming dates
Charlotte, NC 11/12
New Orleans, LA (Skankfest) 11/14 - 11/16
Great Barrington, MA 12/12
Chicago, IL 12/17
Boca Raton, FL 3/6
Upcoming dates
Charlotte, NC 11/12
New Orleans, LA (Skankfest) 11/14 - 11/16
Great Barrington, MA 12/12
Chicago, IL 12/17
Boca Raton, FL 3/6
I'm not trying to be alarmist, but ever since Mamdani won the primary, it's gotten darker earlier every single day in New York. cOiNcIdEnCe?!?!
November 5, 2025 at 3:27 PM
I'm not trying to be alarmist, but ever since Mamdani won the primary, it's gotten darker earlier every single day in New York. cOiNcIdEnCe?!?!
Some people never feel bad about anything, and here I am feeling weird that every day I wear sunscreen but also take a vitamin d
November 4, 2025 at 7:54 PM
Some people never feel bad about anything, and here I am feeling weird that every day I wear sunscreen but also take a vitamin d
No matter what happens today, one thing we can all agree on is that Eric Adams was a terrible mayor.
November 4, 2025 at 5:40 PM
No matter what happens today, one thing we can all agree on is that Eric Adams was a terrible mayor.
I'm genuinely concerned about Mamdani being too young to be mayor. Not because I don't think he can lead, but because I'm older than he is and now I'm being expected to "do something" with my life???
November 3, 2025 at 3:56 PM
I'm genuinely concerned about Mamdani being too young to be mayor. Not because I don't think he can lead, but because I'm older than he is and now I'm being expected to "do something" with my life???
I actually think it's very accurate when a company says "we're a family." Because yeah I don't talk to like half of mine unless I absolutely have to.
November 2, 2025 at 4:34 PM
I actually think it's very accurate when a company says "we're a family." Because yeah I don't talk to like half of mine unless I absolutely have to.
I watched the hug between Erica and JD, so now I guess I have 7 days to show someone else the video or I die
November 1, 2025 at 8:41 PM
I watched the hug between Erica and JD, so now I guess I have 7 days to show someone else the video or I die
Happy Halloween to that guy especially
October 31, 2025 at 9:10 PM
Happy Halloween to that guy especially