Amy Julia Becker
@amyjuliabecker.bsky.social
Author | Speaker | Reimagining the Good Life podcast | Disability. Faith. Culture. | MDiv, Princeton | WORKSHOP: Reimagining Family Life with Disability
https://amyjuliabecker.com/
https://amyjuliabecker.com/
Let go of the Hallmark-movie pressure. Joy doesn't have to look like Hallmark.
Instead of asking:
- Is this normal?
- Is this what everyone else is doing?
- Is this the ideal?
Ask:
- Is this healthy for me?
- Is this healthy for our family?
If the answer is no, you’re free to let it go.
Instead of asking:
- Is this normal?
- Is this what everyone else is doing?
- Is this the ideal?
Ask:
- Is this healthy for me?
- Is this healthy for our family?
If the answer is no, you’re free to let it go.
December 1, 2025 at 5:48 PM
Let go of the Hallmark-movie pressure. Joy doesn't have to look like Hallmark.
Instead of asking:
- Is this normal?
- Is this what everyone else is doing?
- Is this the ideal?
Ask:
- Is this healthy for me?
- Is this healthy for our family?
If the answer is no, you’re free to let it go.
Instead of asking:
- Is this normal?
- Is this what everyone else is doing?
- Is this the ideal?
Ask:
- Is this healthy for me?
- Is this healthy for our family?
If the answer is no, you’re free to let it go.
For families experiencing disability, remember your holidays don’t have to look like everyone else’s. Choose what’s healthy. Instead of asking, “Is this what everybody else is doing? Is this normal?” ask instead, “Is this healthy? For me? For our family?” If it's not, well, I'm going to let it go.
November 29, 2025 at 6:38 PM
For families experiencing disability, remember your holidays don’t have to look like everyone else’s. Choose what’s healthy. Instead of asking, “Is this what everybody else is doing? Is this normal?” ask instead, “Is this healthy? For me? For our family?” If it's not, well, I'm going to let it go.
Let presence matter more than perfection. Let taking care of myself be an important part of taking care of others. Ask what it looks like to show up in love (rather than fear or worry or a need to perform).
November 29, 2025 at 6:29 PM
Let presence matter more than perfection. Let taking care of myself be an important part of taking care of others. Ask what it looks like to show up in love (rather than fear or worry or a need to perform).
Feeling the holiday overwhelm creep in? Psychotherapist Niro Feliciano unpacks why disability families carry extra emotional weight this time of year—and how small shifts can bring more peace. We explore how to create a holiday season that fits your family, not Instagram.
November 26, 2025 at 8:34 PM
Feeling the holiday overwhelm creep in? Psychotherapist Niro Feliciano unpacks why disability families carry extra emotional weight this time of year—and how small shifts can bring more peace. We explore how to create a holiday season that fits your family, not Instagram.
These words give me permission to live in the reality of my life & my family this holiday season. To let presence matter more than perfection. To let taking care of myself be an important part of taking care of others. To ask what it looks like to show up in love.
open.substack.com/pub/amyjulia...
open.substack.com/pub/amyjulia...
Grateful for the Gifts of an “Unperfect” Season
Permission for a different kind of holiday, plus five questions we’ll be asking at our Thanksgiving table. {And 3 things worth your time}
open.substack.com
November 26, 2025 at 8:28 PM
These words give me permission to live in the reality of my life & my family this holiday season. To let presence matter more than perfection. To let taking care of myself be an important part of taking care of others. To ask what it looks like to show up in love.
open.substack.com/pub/amyjulia...
open.substack.com/pub/amyjulia...
The best Thanksgiving conversations can begin with one good question. Here are a few questions we will be asking around our table this Thanksgiving:
Who is someone not at this table you’re thankful for?
Why are you thankful for people at the table?
1/
Who is someone not at this table you’re thankful for?
Why are you thankful for people at the table?
1/
November 25, 2025 at 6:31 PM
The best Thanksgiving conversations can begin with one good question. Here are a few questions we will be asking around our table this Thanksgiving:
Who is someone not at this table you’re thankful for?
Why are you thankful for people at the table?
1/
Who is someone not at this table you’re thankful for?
Why are you thankful for people at the table?
1/
I wrote down 1 thing Sharon Hodde Miller said: “The false self walks into a room & asks, ‘Who do I need to be in order to belong?’ The true self doesn’t need to perform in order to belong.” Her words made me think about how many people with disabilities don’t seem to ask how they need to perform. 1/
November 25, 2025 at 2:24 PM
I wrote down 1 thing Sharon Hodde Miller said: “The false self walks into a room & asks, ‘Who do I need to be in order to belong?’ The true self doesn’t need to perform in order to belong.” Her words made me think about how many people with disabilities don’t seem to ask how they need to perform. 1/
Sho Baraka is a poet and dad to 2 autistic sons. He discovered that love cannot rely only on words. He says:
Pay attention to the ways your child expresses connection, such as scripting lines from a favorite show or sitting quietly nearby.
Receive those expressions as forms of love.
Pay attention to the ways your child expresses connection, such as scripting lines from a favorite show or sitting quietly nearby.
Receive those expressions as forms of love.
November 24, 2025 at 12:46 PM
Sho Baraka is a poet and dad to 2 autistic sons. He discovered that love cannot rely only on words. He says:
Pay attention to the ways your child expresses connection, such as scripting lines from a favorite show or sitting quietly nearby.
Receive those expressions as forms of love.
Pay attention to the ways your child expresses connection, such as scripting lines from a favorite show or sitting quietly nearby.
Receive those expressions as forms of love.
The Many Lives of Mama Love by Lara Love Hardin. It's hard to believe that a suburban mom of four boys ended up in jail with 32 felony counts against her. This book is worth reading for the many ways all of us can relate to the messy, broken, beautiful humanity on display. More👇🏻
November 22, 2025 at 4:59 PM
The Many Lives of Mama Love by Lara Love Hardin. It's hard to believe that a suburban mom of four boys ended up in jail with 32 felony counts against her. This book is worth reading for the many ways all of us can relate to the messy, broken, beautiful humanity on display. More👇🏻
"No study can attest to the goodness of Penny’s life or the value of her being. No list of standards can defend her existence. In a world of increasing mechanization, measurement and merit, we need people with Down syndrome among us to return us to our humanity." Grateful to write for Cognoscenti.👇🏻
November 21, 2025 at 4:18 PM
"No study can attest to the goodness of Penny’s life or the value of her being. No list of standards can defend her existence. In a world of increasing mechanization, measurement and merit, we need people with Down syndrome among us to return us to our humanity." Grateful to write for Cognoscenti.👇🏻
Raising Boys and Girls and the Enneagram. I highly recommend this recent podcast series from David Thomas and Sissy Goff about the Enneagram and parenting. pod.link/1366344369
pod.link
November 20, 2025 at 6:32 PM
Raising Boys and Girls and the Enneagram. I highly recommend this recent podcast series from David Thomas and Sissy Goff about the Enneagram and parenting. pod.link/1366344369
Going to Starbucks. Receiving a text. Making a plan for the weekend. None of these are big steps and none of them are noteworthy for most teenagers. But together they signal connection, friendship, community, belonging for our daughter with Down syndrome.
open.substack.com/pub/amyjulia...
open.substack.com/pub/amyjulia...
A Friendship "Pile-Up of Goodness" in Our House
Through small steps, Penny’s desire for friendship met some unexpected joy. {Plus 3 things worth your time}
open.substack.com
November 19, 2025 at 6:34 PM
Going to Starbucks. Receiving a text. Making a plan for the weekend. None of these are big steps and none of them are noteworthy for most teenagers. But together they signal connection, friendship, community, belonging for our daughter with Down syndrome.
open.substack.com/pub/amyjulia...
open.substack.com/pub/amyjulia...
If your home feels tense or chaotic, connection might be a missing piece. Recording artist Sho Baraka reflects on his story of parenting two sons with autism and the power of proximity—how simply being with our kids can open doors to communication, trust, and calm.
November 19, 2025 at 5:03 PM
If your home feels tense or chaotic, connection might be a missing piece. Recording artist Sho Baraka reflects on his story of parenting two sons with autism and the power of proximity—how simply being with our kids can open doors to communication, trust, and calm.
What if real freedom doesn’t come from more self-esteem but from self-forgetfulness? @sharonhmiller.bsky.social explores the difference between the false self and the true self—and how thinking *about* ourselves less without thinking less *of* ourselves leads to healing, humility, and purpose.
How to Break the Self-Improvement Cycle - Amy Julia Becker
Discover why true freedom isn’t found in boosting self-esteem but in embracing self-forgetfulness. Sharon Hodde Miller unpack the false self vs. true self.
amyjuliabecker.com
November 18, 2025 at 8:42 PM
What if real freedom doesn’t come from more self-esteem but from self-forgetfulness? @sharonhmiller.bsky.social explores the difference between the false self and the true self—and how thinking *about* ourselves less without thinking less *of* ourselves leads to healing, humility, and purpose.
Having a child with Down syndrome has been an irrational, unprovable good. In a world of increasing mechanization, measurement and merit, we need people like our daughter among us to return us to our humanity. Grateful to write for @cogwbur.bsky.social
www.wbur.org/cognoscenti/...
www.wbur.org/cognoscenti/...
What prenatal testing can't tell you
Having a child with Down syndrome has been an irrational, unprovable good, writes Amy Julia Becker. In a world of increasing mechanization, measurement and merit, people like my daughter can help retu...
www.wbur.org
November 18, 2025 at 3:01 PM
Having a child with Down syndrome has been an irrational, unprovable good. In a world of increasing mechanization, measurement and merit, we need people like our daughter among us to return us to our humanity. Grateful to write for @cogwbur.bsky.social
www.wbur.org/cognoscenti/...
www.wbur.org/cognoscenti/...
The most recent annual review of states from the Department of Education concluded that only 19 of the 50 states met the requirements for serving kids with disabilities. Let’s pause on this for just a minute—that’s fewer than half of the states that meet the requirements.
November 15, 2025 at 7:26 PM
The most recent annual review of states from the Department of Education concluded that only 19 of the 50 states met the requirements for serving kids with disabilities. Let’s pause on this for just a minute—that’s fewer than half of the states that meet the requirements.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: special education laws matter—for kids with disabilities, for families like ours, and for anyone who believes disability is part of our common humanity and that a just society cares for its most vulnerable. 1/
November 13, 2025 at 5:01 PM
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: special education laws matter—for kids with disabilities, for families like ours, and for anyone who believes disability is part of our common humanity and that a just society cares for its most vulnerable. 1/
Awkward (sometimes cringey) questions about disability happen. Carrie Hahn, a pediatric speech-language pathologist & mom, joins me to share how parents can respond. We explore strategies to:
🍁navigate conversations & correct misconceptions
🍁help kids feel seen & respected w/out feeling singled out
🍁navigate conversations & correct misconceptions
🍁help kids feel seen & respected w/out feeling singled out
November 13, 2025 at 12:13 PM
Awkward (sometimes cringey) questions about disability happen. Carrie Hahn, a pediatric speech-language pathologist & mom, joins me to share how parents can respond. We explore strategies to:
🍁navigate conversations & correct misconceptions
🍁help kids feel seen & respected w/out feeling singled out
🍁navigate conversations & correct misconceptions
🍁help kids feel seen & respected w/out feeling singled out
Kids like my daughter Penny wouldn’t have been allowed in a classroom 50 years ago. Now the system that opened those doors is being dismantled. What’s happening to special education right now is alarming—and it affects all of us.
open.substack.com/pub/amyjulia...
open.substack.com/pub/amyjulia...
What’s Happening to Special Education Right Now Is Alarming
Many Americans have no idea that the Department of Education is being dismantled. {Plus 5 things worth your time}
open.substack.com
November 12, 2025 at 1:07 PM
Kids like my daughter Penny wouldn’t have been allowed in a classroom 50 years ago. Now the system that opened those doors is being dismantled. What’s happening to special education right now is alarming—and it affects all of us.
open.substack.com/pub/amyjulia...
open.substack.com/pub/amyjulia...
Pepper Stetler's essay about the recent funding reductions and lack of support for students with disabilities summarizes why “ending federal oversight of IDEA isn’t about giving control to the states. It is about denying the civil rights of all students with disabilities.”
The Trump administration has abandoned its commitment to an equitable education for all children, Pepper Stetler argues. But this attack isn’t new—Congress has been weakening the transformative law that governs education for disabled students for decades:
The Slow Death of Special Education
The government has abandoned its commitment to an equitable education for all children—if it ever had one.
bit.ly
November 11, 2025 at 5:35 PM
Pepper Stetler's essay about the recent funding reductions and lack of support for students with disabilities summarizes why “ending federal oversight of IDEA isn’t about giving control to the states. It is about denying the civil rights of all students with disabilities.”
For my child who will never take the SAT and for my child who will be evaluated based on that score, both need to know that...
They are beloved apart from achievement.
They are supported and connected to a loving community.
They can walk toward a good future, held by love.
They are beloved apart from achievement.
They are supported and connected to a loving community.
They can walk toward a good future, held by love.
November 11, 2025 at 2:10 PM
For my child who will never take the SAT and for my child who will be evaluated based on that score, both need to know that...
They are beloved apart from achievement.
They are supported and connected to a loving community.
They can walk toward a good future, held by love.
They are beloved apart from achievement.
They are supported and connected to a loving community.
They can walk toward a good future, held by love.
Our son didn’t want to simply hit submit on his college application, so he invited me to join him (by Facetime—he’s at boarding school). I loved his recognition that even in this digital age it is so good to pause, connect with each other, & enact a sort of ritual commemoration of milestone events.
November 7, 2025 at 8:26 PM
Our son didn’t want to simply hit submit on his college application, so he invited me to join him (by Facetime—he’s at boarding school). I loved his recognition that even in this digital age it is so good to pause, connect with each other, & enact a sort of ritual commemoration of milestone events.
Our daughter was diagnosed with Down syndrome at birth, and I used to see her limits as brokenness—until a moment with a friend changed how I saw myself and her. I share that story this week on the Reimagining the Good Life podcast (around 04:25). 👇🏻
You Were Never Meant to Do It All - Amy Julia Becker
Author Kelly Kapic reimagines the “good life” and why love, limits, and interdependence matter more than achievement or self-reliance.
amyjuliabecker.com
November 7, 2025 at 1:12 PM
Our daughter was diagnosed with Down syndrome at birth, and I used to see her limits as brokenness—until a moment with a friend changed how I saw myself and her. I share that story this week on the Reimagining the Good Life podcast (around 04:25). 👇🏻
“Limits aren’t a problem. There are problems... worth lamenting, but being a creature is not one of them.” — Kelly Kapic👇🏻
November 6, 2025 at 7:14 PM
“Limits aren’t a problem. There are problems... worth lamenting, but being a creature is not one of them.” — Kelly Kapic👇🏻
‘Tis the season…for early college applications! If you have a high school senior (our son is a senior!), you’ve probably been on standby, ready to support them through the Nov 1st deadline. Last week I was reminded how love & connection matter more than any outcome.
open.substack.com/pub/amyjulia...
open.substack.com/pub/amyjulia...
The Most Important Thing Before a College Acceptance
This moment during college applications reminded me how love and connection matter more than any outcome. {Plus 4 things worth your time}
open.substack.com
November 5, 2025 at 11:53 PM
‘Tis the season…for early college applications! If you have a high school senior (our son is a senior!), you’ve probably been on standby, ready to support them through the Nov 1st deadline. Last week I was reminded how love & connection matter more than any outcome.
open.substack.com/pub/amyjulia...
open.substack.com/pub/amyjulia...