Author | Lightnews

Bergs @alexbergmans.bsky.social · 15h

amnesiac conservative guy going to Five Guys and making the same post complaining about how much it costs every single day

Bergs @alexbergmans.bsky.social · 1d

A “does the dog die” website but it’s specifically about characters named Mufasa

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Bergs @alexbergmans.bsky.social · 1d

MY COP EX-BOYFRIEND: (digging through old police reports) holy shit.. looks like citizens were reporting seeing Jack O Lanterns as far back as 1922

ME: (pacing behind him and furiously biting my nails) so I’m not fucking crazy, right??

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Bergs @alexbergmans.bsky.social · 3d

LeBron not being implicated as part of the FBI’s NBA gambling scheme goes to show he is nowhere near Jordan’s level

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Bergs @alexbergmans.bsky.social · 4d

I heard Trump removed the White House’s rib so he can suck his own dick

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Reposted by Bergs

onion person @junlper.beer · 4d

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Bergs @alexbergmans.bsky.social · 4d

(completely dead behind the eyes, without a single trace of enthusiasm) that’s fire.

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Bergs @alexbergmans.bsky.social · 7d

everyone at this open mic is pulling out their best jokes because there’s rumors that the guy who invented roasted red pepper hummus is in the audience

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Bergs @alexbergmans.bsky.social · 9d

the world is desperate for a Christian Weird Al

Bergs @alexbergmans.bsky.social · 9d

yeah you’d love that wouldn’t you. You’d love more engagement happening on your braindead little platform wouldn’t you

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Bergs @alexbergmans.bsky.social · 10d

According to my meticulous spreadsheets, I believe over two hundred women every day. Just the type of ally I am.

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Bergs @alexbergmans.bsky.social · 11d

It’s crazy that we still only have one Eiffel Tower. With the way human society has advanced since 1889, there’s no reason we shouldn’t have hundreds by now

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Bergs @alexbergmans.bsky.social · 14d

yep.. I love never releasing the Epstein list, allying with international sex traffickers, and running an agency called ICE that abducts women & children, putting them in vans so they’re never seen again. All of these things because of my deeply held conservatism and unshakable faith in Jesus Christ

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Bergs @alexbergmans.bsky.social · 15d

PIZZA PLACE: (after sprinkling Parmesan on some baked pizza dough) I call it “Fucked Up Insane-o Bread”

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Bergs @alexbergmans.bsky.social · 22d

I de aged him to show how much Daniel Radcliffe looks like Harry Potter

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Bergs @alexbergmans.bsky.social · 23d

that explains it.. they’re both nepo babies

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Bergs @alexbergmans.bsky.social · 23d

Every time I see Daniel Radcliffe (the actor) I swear to god he’s a dead ringer for Harry Potter.. am I crazy or does anyone else see it??

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Bergs @alexbergmans.bsky.social · 27d

Bad Bunny halftime? Makes me sick. They should have catered the halftime show to me, the alcoholic who was going to watch the Super Bowl no matter what

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Bergs @alexbergmans.bsky.social · 27d

Oh hell no.. Elmer is losing his shit right now. He is so pissed that Wascally Wabbit is doing the Super Bowl halftime show

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Bergs @alexbergmans.bsky.social · 28d

don’t ya hate it when you dismember a journalist and the next day it’s reported on the paper? It’s like “awww shit now I gotta dismember another one”
(Riyadh crowd goes fucking nuts)
ha ha crazy I know. Now how many yall like pussy??

Bergs @alexbergmans.bsky.social · 29d

(Austin comic who thinks the R-word is “Riyadh”) the R-word is back

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Bergs @alexbergmans.bsky.social · 29d

George Carlin at the Riyadh comedy festival doing his famous “600 things you can’t say on tv” bit

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Bergs @alexbergmans.bsky.social · Sep 26

fuck. the Supreme Court just overturned slamming your laptop shut until Monday

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Bergs @alexbergmans.bsky.social · Sep 25

Some people see that the dress is black, and some people see the dress is gold. But I have unpublished information that the dress is actually a radical leftist gunman who owns Too Wong Foo Thanks For Everything Julie Newmar on VHS

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Bergs @alexbergmans.bsky.social · Sep 24

writing “I love woke, and hate cops and good Christian fathers” on my huge ass sniper rifle ammo

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