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f*male b*tch 🇵🇸

@ahhmandah.bsky.social

2.3K followers 860 following 5.4K posts

just a brain floating in a jar of formaldehyde. you can't come to my birthday ok you can 📍 tāmaki makaurau aotearoa nz on te kawerau-a-maki land if you didn't vote stop reading this right now. you're grounded

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f*male b*tch 🇵🇸 @ahhmandah.bsky.social · 1d

I did! I miss my dog

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f*male b*tch 🇵🇸 @ahhmandah.bsky.social · 1d

ah it happens. language limitations perbaps

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f*male b*tch 🇵🇸 @ahhmandah.bsky.social · 1d

I went to the ED last night with bad vomiting, unsteady & shaky. I was triaged through to emergency dept, put in a bed and had nurses taking vitals & bloods within 15 mins. I saw a doctor after about 1.5 hrs. CT, MRI, Xray, ECG, more bloods, telemetry, magnesium & b12 IV infusion, overnight stay. $0

f*male b*tch 🇵🇸 @ahhmandah.bsky.social · 1d

this morning they again asked if had any dietary restrictions. again I sad yes, dairy & egg. breakast: porridge mixed with cream, and a piece of toast with butter. I can eat the stewed fruit and apricot jam though! they got me two huge tubs of soy milk for the porridge...that has cream in it

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f*male b*tch 🇵🇸 @ahhmandah.bsky.social · 1d

when you're in the hospital for complications from being unable to eat, the food communication is bleak. they asked if I had dietary restrictions, I said yes, allergic to dairy and egg. that night I was brought a cheese & egg sandwich, a yoghurt, a piece of banana loaf with milk & egg in it

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f*male b*tch 🇵🇸 @ahhmandah.bsky.social · 1d

In the last 24 hours I finally learned my full name, date of birth, home address! and it was easy! simply go to your local hospital and beg for them to tell you seventeen trillion times. and cause you're a big stupid dumb idiot they also put it on a wristband in case you still forget, MORON

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f*male b*tch 🇵🇸 @ahhmandah.bsky.social · 1d

nobody told me how much magnesium infusions beat you with a log full of wasps and spit in your face then break your legs off. and then make you eat the wasps alive. I feel like this should be common knowledge

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f*male b*tch 🇵🇸 @ahhmandah.bsky.social · 1d

tests tests and more tests!!

f*male b*tch 🇵🇸 @ahhmandah.bsky.social · 1d

getting a bunch of tests to find out why I seem to have had a few hypoglycaemic comas. and why yesterday I started violently shaking and trembling and projectile vomiting, chattering teeth, wobbly jaw etc. I have had bloods taken 9 times today. leave some for others you guys

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f*male b*tch 🇵🇸 @ahhmandah.bsky.social · 1d

I am in ADU ward with three other patients all having a competition about can be loudest at doing sleep apnea. theyre all winning! good stuff folks

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f*male b*tch 🇵🇸 @ahhmandah.bsky.social · 1d

lady across from me is so old, frail & skinny, face wrinkled & scabby, sparse hair, mouth open & eyes closed. completely still. I thought she was dead so asked a nurse to check. he said nah she's just sleeping. 3mins later I look up & she's sitting straight up STARING AT ME, mouth still wide open

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f*male b*tch 🇵🇸 @ahhmandah.bsky.social · 1d

there's a guy who's lying back, gown pulled up, curtain open, reading with his ballbag & dick out. just blasting everyone with his red & purple junk

aaron turned my bed around so I couln't see him or point & laugh, but new view wasn't much better. fully naked man walking round inspecting everybody

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f*male b*tch 🇵🇸 @ahhmandah.bsky.social · 1d

a lady in this ER is crying being talked to by a cop so OF COURSE I staggered past slowly to the water cooler.

she was in a bad car accident SHE WAS AT FAULT, FIDDLING ON HER PHONE. while she seemed ok except a big dark seatbelt bruise, the guy she hit was there too with a mangled face & broken leg

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f*male b*tch 🇵🇸 @ahhmandah.bsky.social · 1d

I love how quickly they change their minds when you come in hot like "ABSOLUTELY DO NOT SPEAK ME LIKE THAT. I AM MENTALLY ILL AND HAVE ANGER PROBLEMS AND IF I WAS A GAMBLER ALL MY FUCKING BETS WOULD BE ON ME"

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f*male b*tch 🇵🇸 @ahhmandah.bsky.social · 1d

my friend's boss is a real toilet. he yelled at her colleague, saying she only needs a week off, tops, for something like this and should be back at work by now.

TURNS OUT HER MUM JUST DIED BY SUICIDE, SHOOTING HERSELF IN THE HEAD,AND DAUGHTER POPPED IN FOR A COFFEE AND FOUND HER BODY

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f*male b*tch 🇵🇸 @ahhmandah.bsky.social · 1d

I like how auckland transport just sticky tapes their brake lights back in when they fall out

f*male b*tch 🇵🇸 @ahhmandah.bsky.social · 2d

ok so went to the doc and my nose is definitely broken again. still highly recommend getting a huge idiot mongrel who loses her mind zooming at the beach. they also do the old chill the fuck out time for days so it's not all bad

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f*male b*tch 🇵🇸 @ahhmandah.bsky.social · 2d

absolutely gorgeous silly thing lol. I love it

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f*male b*tch 🇵🇸 @ahhmandah.bsky.social · 2d

you missed nothing. I am just stressed in general lolol and love my silly girl. and am generally a massive bitch compared to most people I know

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f*male b*tch 🇵🇸 @ahhmandah.bsky.social · 3d

or maybe I'll just start answering with "not today satan"

"absolutely no kind regards"

"do not try me today"

"you have no idea how close you are to death"

"did YOU microwave that tuna?"

"I want the best for me and you're not it wayne"

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f*male b*tch 🇵🇸 @ahhmandah.bsky.social · 3d

one thing I like is when corporate men answer the phone by saying their full name instead of hello. "Richard Andrew Taylor" I'm gonna start doing this. I think it's a really cool subtle power move to get your name into people's heads as much as poss. starting today I'm answering with "female bitch"

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f*male b*tch 🇵🇸 @ahhmandah.bsky.social · 3d

shit apparently there was a dog in there the whole time

f*male b*tch 🇵🇸 @ahhmandah.bsky.social · 3d

I don't see a dog in this photo therefore there is no dog sleeping on a comfy bed with her own silly duvet

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f*male b*tch 🇵🇸 @ahhmandah.bsky.social · 3d

lolol. love it. I was in south Korea once and someone asked where I was from. I said nz and she goes "oh! do you know [insert name]" initially I said uh not everyone in nz knows each other. then I realised not only did I know her but we had a fist fight about a pie and I dragged her by her hair

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f*male b*tch 🇵🇸 @ahhmandah.bsky.social · 3d

sorry but I really enjoyed this

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