Author | Lightnews

King Aethelclaw

@aethelclaw.bsky.social

74 followers 65 following 130 posts

Overlord of all the crab-folk. Friend of the saxons. Stealer of hats. Currently in residence at the dopey Lizards 'embassy' in Wülferhampton

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King Aethelclaw @aethelclaw.bsky.social · 22h

Good evening Bretwalda.

That's high praise indeed from a talker of bollocks like yourself.

King Aethelclaw @aethelclaw.bsky.social · 1d

Hello Rob, whilst that is obviously a mighty crab, possibly a prince among crabs it is no king. No offence but you puny mammals have no idea of the enourmous creatures that dwell in the stygian depths of the abyss 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

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King Aethelclaw @aethelclaw.bsky.social · 1d

Oh I agree
Definitely a quirk.
We tend to (mistakenly) see evolution as purposive but in truth it's a mixture of randomness, fine margins and bloody long time scales.

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King Aethelclaw @aethelclaw.bsky.social · 1d

Something to do with social / cooperative animals and older females helping nurture grandchildren (who they have a genetic investment in if you want to take a brutally darwinistic view)

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King Aethelclaw @aethelclaw.bsky.social · 1d

The dopey lizard is banned from the tub since we moved in.

A semi sentient toenail clipping? I was unaware wülferhampton had an intellectual community.

King Aethelclaw @aethelclaw.bsky.social · 1d

Good evening MC 😁

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King Aethelclaw @aethelclaw.bsky.social · 2d

🤔

King Aethelclaw @aethelclaw.bsky.social · 2d

No and it's Your Majesty to you

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King Aethelclaw @aethelclaw.bsky.social · 2d

I think that's quite enough crab mockery now, thank you!

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King Aethelclaw @aethelclaw.bsky.social · 4d

My people are listening...

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King Aethelclaw @aethelclaw.bsky.social · 10d

Nooo.

I am here merely to serve my people and foster good crab-saxon relations

One day @wulfhelm.bsky.social will tell the WHOLE crab story and I will return to my Kingdom (possibly leaving behind a new hybrid master race of Helmet-Crabs)

King Aethelclaw @aethelclaw.bsky.social · 10d

Hello? Hello?

Can you saxons and the like hear me?

I have modified my profile according to your most excellent Bard's instructions.

So hopefully you will be able to get important updates from the crab people on your wulferhamptonians feed.

E.g. Doris is expecting a Happy Event soon.

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King Aethelclaw @aethelclaw.bsky.social · 17d

Its a nasty job, but someone has to do it

King Aethelclaw @aethelclaw.bsky.social · 17d

Nor I , missed that altogether some how

King Aethelclaw @aethelclaw.bsky.social · 17d

Doris is always willing to help 🤣

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King Aethelclaw @aethelclaw.bsky.social · 17d

I only see males there - could hinder the whole repopulation thingy

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King Aethelclaw @aethelclaw.bsky.social · 17d

Wulfie's night of the crabs is a VERY different story🤣

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King Aethelclaw @aethelclaw.bsky.social · 17d

Your going to need a lot of them

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King Aethelclaw @aethelclaw.bsky.social · 17d

No one can halt the rise of the Helmet Crabs. NO ONE!!

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King Aethelclaw @aethelclaw.bsky.social · 17d

Sir, you are maintaining the highest standards of wulferhampton journalism

👏👋👋👋👋👋👋👏👋👋👋👋👋👋

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

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King Aethelclaw @aethelclaw.bsky.social · 17d

More to the wearer than anyone else

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King Aethelclaw @aethelclaw.bsky.social · 17d

Pleased to hear it 😀.

Although, alas, I think we have uncovered the flaw in my plan of having my subject commune with be-helmeted Saxons.

Next year I shall introduce some sort of ID card system.

King Aethelclaw @aethelclaw.bsky.social · 17d

In that case I am sure Doris could be persuaded to grant an exclusive in return for suitable recompense.

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King Aethelclaw @aethelclaw.bsky.social · 17d

Are you asking out of personal curiosity or in your professional capacity as editor of the gazette?

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King Aethelclaw @aethelclaw.bsky.social · 17d

Ah well, Doris is happy. But if she has been conned and finds out.....

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