Zack Bornstein
@zackbornstein.bsky.social
73K followers 350 following 140 posts
Emmy-losing Writer/Director (#Shrinking, @nbcSNL, @Netflix, @Hulu, @Dreamworks, @JimmyKimmelLive, #StrangePlanet, @NewYorker)
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Not gonna lie toddlers absolutely nailed it with naps, buttered noodles, and rejecting authority
Hot girl summer is over. It’s divorce lawyer fall.
me before and after seeing a tasty looking pie being sliced up
if only there was some kind of amendment that could prevent this from happening. pretty important stuff too, id prolly put it first
Under threat from Trump's FCC chairman, ABC takes Jimmy Kimmel off the air for remarks on Charlie Kirk that the MAGA right deemed offensive. www.nytimes.com/2025/09/17/b...
ABC Pulls Jimmy Kimmel Off Air for Charlie Kirk Comments
www.nytimes.com
dirty mirror, dead inside, can’t lose
There is a fly with me on this international flight, little bro has no idea how different his life is about to be
…just got the finger from a Waymo
I’d rather pay double than say that
Trump 2024: I will be the President of peace.

Trump 2025: THE DEPARTMENT OF WAR WILL NOT REST UNTIL WE HAVE DEFEATED CHICAGO
When friends ask me to dinner after 9pm
I’m a guy who believes more children should have measles for no reason, and I can’t tell you how refreshing it is to finally feel represented by my government
who would’ve guessed that the guy whose brain has been eaten by a worm would be bad a managing our health system
I should have been more upfront: I am MLB two-way all star Shohei Ohtani
To optimize good sleep before bed:
-Take a hot bath
-Get blackout curtains
-Watch 200 4-second videos 3 inches from your face
-Practice deep breathing
0-4🍹 vs. 5🍹 vs. 6+🍹
It’s insane to think Covid was 15 years ago today
i promise these shorts looked longer online
kay fine, maybe the weird wake up before sunrise ppl have had a point this whole time
Ah yes my spouse is at a Coldplay concert with business associates, finally a night alone to sit back, relax, take a big sip of liquid, and browse the internet
If only there had been a way to know Trump was a sex criminal before he was elected besides reading the 800,000 sex crime lawsuits against him over the last 40 years
Still shocked the guy who bragged about sex crimes on a bus turned out to be on Epstein’s list