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Weekday Jokes

@weekdayjokes.bsky.social

56 followers 1 following 3.2K posts

“By far the best jokes on Bluesky” weekdayjokes.bsky.social 2024 https://linktr.ee/weekdayjokes

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Weekday Jokes @weekdayjokes.bsky.social · 37m

Woke up in a cold sweat, terrified that I overslept for work.

But quickly realized I was already at work so breathed a sigh of relief

Weekday Jokes @weekdayjokes.bsky.social · 1h

I told my doctor I broke my leg in two places.

He told me to quit going to those two places

Weekday Jokes @weekdayjokes.bsky.social · 8h

My kids got me a box of small rocks and sand for my birthday.

It's not the best gift I've ever gotten, but I appreciate the sediment

Weekday Jokes @weekdayjokes.bsky.social · 9h

My friend dropped his Italian pastries on the floor.

What he's going through I cannoli imagine

Weekday Jokes @weekdayjokes.bsky.social · 10h

What do you call a fraudulent Japanese warrior?

A shamurai!

Weekday Jokes @weekdayjokes.bsky.social · 13h

My wife is all mad because I’ve apparently ruined her birthday.

Which is crazy cause I didn’t even know it was her birthday

Weekday Jokes @weekdayjokes.bsky.social · 14h

Why did the programmer fail his vision test?

Because he couldn’t C#

Weekday Jokes @weekdayjokes.bsky.social · 14h

My wife said she would divorce me if I named our daughter a silly name.

I called her Bluff

Weekday Jokes @weekdayjokes.bsky.social · 16h

Interviewer: “Can you explain these gaps in your resume?”

Me: “I believe those are from the space bar”

Weekday Jokes @weekdayjokes.bsky.social · 19h

What do you get when you cross an octopus with a hippopotamus?

You get your funding revoked by the ethics committee

Weekday Jokes @weekdayjokes.bsky.social · 20h

Today I found out that Dwayne Johnson lives in the apartment above mine.

Can't believe that for years I've been living under a Rock

Weekday Jokes @weekdayjokes.bsky.social · 23h

I never thought I'd be the kind of person who'd wake up early in the morning to exercise.

Turns out I was right

Weekday Jokes @weekdayjokes.bsky.social · 1d

I've joined a dating group for arsonists.

It's really good, they send me new matches every day

Weekday Jokes @weekdayjokes.bsky.social · 1d

Not to brag, but I just got hired as a fitness model.

They used me as the “before” picture

Weekday Jokes @weekdayjokes.bsky.social · 1d

If a bra is an "over the shoulder boulder holder" does that make men's underwear an "under the butt nut hut"?

Weekday Jokes @weekdayjokes.bsky.social · 1d

Job Interviewer: “It says here you went to Harvard University.”

Me: “Yes for my cousin’s graduation”

Weekday Jokes @weekdayjokes.bsky.social · 1d

What happened when Mario crashed his go kart?

He got Toad

Weekday Jokes @weekdayjokes.bsky.social · 1d

I didn’t have time to jog this morning. I also didn’t have time to jog at all this week, or these last few months.

This is a running joke

Weekday Jokes @weekdayjokes.bsky.social · 1d

My Grandpa reached 110 yesterday.

That's the last time I get in the car with him driving

Weekday Jokes @weekdayjokes.bsky.social · 1d

At the airport, my friend suggested we disguise ourselves as luggage.

I said “let's not get carried away"

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Weekday Jokes @weekdayjokes.bsky.social · 1d

You lost your phone and it's on silent?

Too bad. If you liked it you shoulda put a ring on it

Weekday Jokes @weekdayjokes.bsky.social · 1d

I saw my wife using her phone to record herself getting her hair styled.

I think she’s planning to watch the highlights later

Weekday Jokes @weekdayjokes.bsky.social · 1d

What do you call a skeleton in a closet?

A hide and seek winner

Weekday Jokes @weekdayjokes.bsky.social · 1d

My friend just told me that my daughter and my wife look like twins.

I said, “Well they were separated at birth”

Weekday Jokes @weekdayjokes.bsky.social · 2d

I just read that someone in New York gets stabbed every 52 seconds.

Poor guy