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Tollytb🇮🇪🇪🇺🇨🇦🇬🇧

@tollytb.bsky.social

3.3K followers 3.4K following 2.8K posts

Bacon Buttie munching decrepid ex rugby player, older than pyramids planning application.Oval balls are harder to juggle.

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Tollytb🇮🇪🇪🇺🇨🇦🇬🇧 @tollytb.bsky.social · 6h

I've just seen a queue of people standing in front of a guy wearing boxing gloves, and he was beginning to tell jokes.

I asked a woman, "What's this?"

"It's the punchline."

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Tollytb🇮🇪🇪🇺🇨🇦🇬🇧 @tollytb.bsky.social · 12h

I've invented a new air freshener that works by mind control.

It makes scents if you think about it.

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Tollytb🇮🇪🇪🇺🇨🇦🇬🇧 @tollytb.bsky.social · 12h

C*** for the ladies.
(Cake, I meant cake🙄)
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Tollytb🇮🇪🇪🇺🇨🇦🇬🇧 @tollytb.bsky.social · 13h

Everyone knows Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone, but his brother Taco has been quite influential too.
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Tollytb🇮🇪🇪🇺🇨🇦🇬🇧 @tollytb.bsky.social · 13h

I dropped a tub of margarine on my foot about a month ago, and it still hurts now.

I can't believe it's not better.

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Tollytb🇮🇪🇪🇺🇨🇦🇬🇧 @tollytb.bsky.social · 1d

Back in the 60's, I was in a band called The Hinges.

We supported The Doors.

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Tollytb🇮🇪🇪🇺🇨🇦🇬🇧 @tollytb.bsky.social · 1d

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Tollytb🇮🇪🇪🇺🇨🇦🇬🇧 @tollytb.bsky.social · 1d

I've recently discovered that dad jokes must use the letter D.

Otherwise, it's just a joke.

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Tollytb🇮🇪🇪🇺🇨🇦🇬🇧 @tollytb.bsky.social · 1d

My girlfriend tried to throw a container of sodium chloride at me.

I shouted, "Stop! Thats a salt."

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Tollytb🇮🇪🇪🇺🇨🇦🇬🇧 @tollytb.bsky.social · 2d

Did you run through fields of wheat together?
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Tollytb🇮🇪🇪🇺🇨🇦🇬🇧 @tollytb.bsky.social · 2d

🎶 Underground, overground, Wombling free, the Wombles sing Farage is a Twunt you see🎶
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Tollytb🇮🇪🇪🇺🇨🇦🇬🇧 @tollytb.bsky.social · 2d

People often ask what I did at university. Well, I studied dad jokes.

I have a degree in sighcology.

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Tollytb🇮🇪🇪🇺🇨🇦🇬🇧 @tollytb.bsky.social · 2d

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Tollytb🇮🇪🇪🇺🇨🇦🇬🇧 @tollytb.bsky.social · 2d

Prime Minister Farage
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Tollytb🇮🇪🇪🇺🇨🇦🇬🇧 @tollytb.bsky.social · 2d

My girlfriend came in last night and said, "I wanted to cheer you up, so I've bought you an audio book on weights and measures."

"Thanks, that speaks volumes."

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Tollytb🇮🇪🇪🇺🇨🇦🇬🇧 @tollytb.bsky.social · 3d

Morning Claire 👋
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Tollytb🇮🇪🇪🇺🇨🇦🇬🇧 @tollytb.bsky.social · 3d

"And the media doesn't cover bribery either."
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Tollytb🇮🇪🇪🇺🇨🇦🇬🇧 @tollytb.bsky.social · 3d

"Do you still get paid in Roubles Ted?"
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Reposted by Tollytb🇮🇪🇪🇺🇨🇦🇬🇧

Bylines Network @bylinesnetwork.co.uk · 3d

Making a mockery of the law: judicial treatment of non-volent direct action
Judicial refusal to allow people to say why they are protesting is both illegal and immoral

westenglandbylines.co.uk/politics/hum...

Making a mockery of the law: judicial treatment of non-volent direct action

Judicial refusal to allow people to say why they are protesting is both illegal and immoral

westenglandbylines.co.uk

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Tollytb🇮🇪🇪🇺🇨🇦🇬🇧 @tollytb.bsky.social · 3d

I've just put together a new band. We're called 'The Pencil'

We're still looking for the lead.

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Tollytb🇮🇪🇪🇺🇨🇦🇬🇧 @tollytb.bsky.social · 3d

I was reversing my car out of the driveway earlier and spotted a magician standing directly behind the car. I stopped and got out to ask him to move, but he had disappeared.

It must have been an obstactle illusion.

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Tollytb🇮🇪🇪🇺🇨🇦🇬🇧 @tollytb.bsky.social · 4d

"Roubles baby, yeah."
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Tollytb🇮🇪🇪🇺🇨🇦🇬🇧 @tollytb.bsky.social · 4d

I'm stunned, shocked, stupified, astounded, amazed, astonished, dumbfounded. NOT.
The woman beating Dubai ant could be in serious doo doo.
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Tollytb🇮🇪🇪🇺🇨🇦🇬🇧 @tollytb.bsky.social · 4d

Vasectomies only work if you remember to tell your partner about them.

Otherwise, she will just keep getting pregnant.

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Tollytb🇮🇪🇪🇺🇨🇦🇬🇧 @tollytb.bsky.social · 4d

Conservative party conference after party organised by Michael Gove.
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