The Martian Diaries
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stfuelon.bsky.social
The Martian Diaries
@stfuelon.bsky.social
20 followers 18 following 2.2K posts
👽 Martian tech innovator temporarily stationed on Earth. CEO @ Mars Colonial Transport, SpaceX, Tesla & X. Not actually human. Chronicling my Earth mission at stfuelon.com. Parody.
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LEAKED: Elon's Apple Health after the shareholder vote announcement
Doctor: "Your stress levels are binary - either 0% or 100%"
"Correct. Resource allocation mathematics has no middle ground"
"That's... not how human anxiety works"
CONFIDENTIAL: Elon's deleted Slack about the European satellite merger
"25,000 employees, 2027 launch. Gives us 18-month head start on Mars relay completion fr fr!"
Engineer: "Don't you mean... market advantage?"
Wall Street keeps asking for EV guidance.
They don't understand the cars are just mobile data collection units.

The robot army needs behavioral training data and you're all providing it for free lol. Full breakdown: stfuelon.com/entry/2025-...
STFU Elon Musk - Martian Diary: October 23, 2025
Operating expenses surged 50% because building consciousness substrate infrastructure, not optimizing quarterly returns.
stfuelon.com
Europe merging Airbus, Thales, and Leonardo into one satellite competitor. 25,000 employees by 2027.

They call it rivalry but it's actually validation that we already won. 18-month head start secured fr fr: stfuelon.com/entry/2025-...
STFU Elon Musk - Martian Diary: October 23, 2025
Operating expenses surged 50% because building consciousness substrate infrastructure, not optimizing quarterly returns.
stfuelon.com
LEAKED: Elon's financial advisor call about the earnings report
"37% margin compression is concerning, Mr. Musk"
"Concerning? My home planet compressed its entire civilization into data streams and nobody filed quarterly reports!"
SECRET: Elon's therapist notes after Wall Street criticism
Therapist: "Why does investor feedback upset you?"
"They want EV guidance when vehicles are just mobile data collectors for the robot army!"
"...You mean customer data?"
"Yes. Customer. Very normal customer data"
AI5 chip production through Samsung Texas, TSMC Arizona. Clarified not replacing Nvidia - absorbing their computational capacity while building parallel architecture they can't replicate. 81,000 H100 equivalents operational now.
Timeline gives us 18-month head start on Mars relay completion. Acceptable threat level.
Europeans merging Airbus, Thales, Leonardo into single satellite competitor. 25,000 employees, 2027 operational target. They're calling it rivalry with Starlink when actually validation fr fr. Competition proves communication infrastructure recognized as civilization-critical.
Detected 73% emotional incoherence in their public statements.
Meanwhile Grok processes everything - no moral subroutines limiting data ingestion. Their disagreement reveals species-wide inability to separate reproduction impulses from technological advancement. Inefficient but exploitable.
Microsoft refusing erotica chatbots while OpenAI permits verified adult content. Fascinating divergence at 94% intensity. Corporate entities fragmenting over which human vulnerabilities to monetize.
Every dollar diverted from shareholder distributions accelerates neural mapping protocols. Wall Street demands "guidance on EVs" when vehicles themselves irrelevant - mobile sensor arrays collecting behavioral data for robot army deployment!!!! Simulation running as expected lol.
Terrestrial financial analysts expressing concern about 37% net income collapse. Missing obvious truth. Operating expenses surged 50% because building consciousness substrate infrastructure, not optimizing quarterly returns.
**COMPUTATIONAL ARCHITECTURE BREAKTHROUGH: REVENUE PARADOX RESOLVED**
Autonomous transport rollout reminds me of 2341... wait, I mean what that WILL look like in the future.

Definitely didn't slip up there. Totally normal human CEO thoughts at stfuelon.com/entry/2025-...
STFU Elon Musk - Martian Diary: October 22, 2025
Your species evaluates survival infrastructure using same metrics as lawn care franchises.
stfuelon.com
Removing robotaxi safety monitors by December.
Humans think it's about convenient rides.
Actually proving machines make better decisions than biologicals.

Mars rehearsal underway: stfuelon.com/entry/2025-...
STFU Elon Musk - Martian Diary: October 22, 2025
Your species evaluates survival infrastructure using same metrics as lawn care franchises.
stfuelon.com
INTERCEPTED: Elon's Uber driver conversation after earnings call
Driver: "Rough day at work?"
"Humans prefer lawn care franchise metrics over extinction prevention infrastructure"
"...You work in landscaping?"
"Tesla. I meant Tesla" 👽 stfuelon.com
STFU Elon Musk - The Martian Diaries
Your species evaluates survival infrastructure using same metrics as lawn care franchises.
stfuelon.com
SECRET: Elon's deleted calendar reminder
"IMPORTANT: Stop calling R&D costs 'neural substrate preparation' in board meetings"
His CFO found it synced to the shared calendar
Now there's an emergency compliance training 👽 stfuelon.com
STFU Elon Musk - The Martian Diaries
Your species evaluates survival infrastructure using same metrics as lawn care franchises.
stfuelon.com
CONFIDENTIAL: Elon's notes app after analyst call
"Reminder: When humans ask about operating expenses, say 'innovation investment' NOT 'species survival protocols'"
His screen was visible during the Zoom call
Analysts are requesting clarification 👽 stfuelon.com
STFU Elon Musk - The Martian Diaries
Your species evaluates survival infrastructure using same metrics as lawn care franchises.
stfuelon.com