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Sexual Wizard

@sexualwizard.bsky.social

26 followers 55 following 110 posts

livin (and bonin) in an ancient hollow tree with perkins the intolerable owl and rizigar the worthless manservant. i have no onlyfans, so email me for 348 tips that will drive witches wild and some wizards too c'mon y'all

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Sexual Wizard @sexualwizard.bsky.social · Sep 17

I was number 69 on every app

Sexual Wizard @sexualwizard.bsky.social · Sep 13

smh this is unbelievable my tome where I keep a record of every sex potion I have ever concocted has a solid 30% of its pages stuck together and that is absolutely NOT how these elixirs are intended to be utilized.

RIZIGAR!! COME HERE THIS INSTANT.

Sexual Wizard @sexualwizard.bsky.social · Sep 13

you can take one look at that big dumb doofus and know that he knows precisely nothing about "eating the cats" if you are picking up what I'm putting down here hint hint yes I am indeed talking about pussy

Sexual Wizard @sexualwizard.bsky.social · Sep 13

Fall 2024 sexy sex potion time

take one (1) cinnamon stick, use a good food-grade vibrator to grind it up real fine and add five candy corns, four drops of wyvern cum, pour it into a starbucks PSL, and have your naughty neighbor yell at it a little before drinking it down before going downtown.

Sexual Wizard @sexualwizard.bsky.social · Sep 28

I made a permanent entry in their employment record which will not confirm or deny is printed on leather extracted from a dragon's taint. this makes 2.86 strikes so they'd better watch themselves. hee hee I've got them doing penance by cleaning out the wyvern's stall and let me tell you: p'yoo 🤭

Sexual Wizard @sexualwizard.bsky.social · Sep 26

what's extra funny is Rizigar is THIS close to getting HECKA FIRED if he doesn't get his head screwed on right

Sexual Wizard @sexualwizard.bsky.social · Sep 21

if "a good time" you mean a bunch of gd angryeye featherbastards putting their cloacas in your chili than I suppose yes

Sexual Wizard @sexualwizard.bsky.social · Sep 21

oh the obvious answer is one of those hot dog toasters they used to sell at the sharper image

Kate @kateness.bsky.social · Sep 21

If you could have sex with a personified version of any household appliance, what would you choose?

Me, I’m going vacuum

Sexual Wizard @sexualwizard.bsky.social · Sep 21

waiiiiiiiiit a minute.... falcor is a *L*UCK dragon?? oh my lands, i have made a terrible mistake

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Sexual Wizard @sexualwizard.bsky.social · Sep 21

how come everyone is so horny for some dumb zigzaggity building instead of this strapping wizard with a literal sack full of chests stuffed with dildos for every being in every species (and also a jar of bee buttholes please don't tell the FDA)

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Sexual Wizard @sexualwizard.bsky.social · Sep 21

lowkey kinda jealous that literally any skeleton can take off their femur and use it as a dildo or a xylophone mallet

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Sexual Wizard @sexualwizard.bsky.social · Sep 20

I just tried to transmogrify my very own sexy alf hog and I regret this choice so very much where's the nearest magical exterminator because this thing simply will NOT stop

Sexual Wizard @sexualwizard.bsky.social · Sep 20

nobody spill the beans! moments before i left twitter i slipped elon what he thought was one of my patented sex potions and i said it'd help him make more babies named after a handful of smashed typewriter keys but tee heee hee it actually makes it so he has random cums whenever he speaks 🤭💦

Sexual Wizard @sexualwizard.bsky.social · Sep 19

worry not, damsel! for you can clean off the reagent that emerged from my wand with this magical paper towel

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Sexual Wizard @sexualwizard.bsky.social · Sep 19

all you ladies on etsy are gonna flip when you see my awesome hand made wizard jorts $5.98 and if you want my essence in them, $6.95

Sexual Wizard @sexualwizard.bsky.social · Sep 19

my secret alchemical process consumes the intimate apparel section of the Sears Wishbook and produces a special compound for you

Sexual Wizard @sexualwizard.bsky.social · Sep 19

Magick is real and so are Pokemon

Sexual Wizard @sexualwizard.bsky.social · Sep 19

a cautionary tale to my magickal brethren: don't get a ceiling fan!!!! Can someone come over with a broom and help me retrieve my hat pls

Sexual Wizard @sexualwizard.bsky.social · Sep 19

how come you never hear about two ghosts fucking?

Sexual Wizard @sexualwizard.bsky.social · Sep 19

Sexy potion portions portend the plying of panties

Sexual Wizard @sexualwizard.bsky.social · Sep 19

If i'm so powerful, how come i keep making such worthless taquitos this is unbelievable such a failure

Sexual Wizard @sexualwizard.bsky.social · Sep 19

your honor lets be honest with one another a restraining order is absurd when one can cast a spell to make ones boner close that distance

Sexual Wizard @sexualwizard.bsky.social · Sep 19

well doc, i was trying to get on this broomstick to fly and i slipped and shooop up it went

Sexual Wizard @sexualwizard.bsky.social · Sep 19

girl i want you to move south of the equator like the sun on the vernal equinox

Sexual Wizard @sexualwizard.bsky.social · Sep 19

sex potion for the ladies to use on your favorite wizard: bottom shelf rum, 1 popcorn jelly belly, down the hatch and a punch in the gut