Lightnews — Scholar-powered news

pumpkin 🎃 👻🦇 @pumpkinstars.bsky.social · 1m

i think how i grieve is very autistic in some ways
it feels so deep all the time

i used to feel the way just at the end of every school year, knowing it would end forever

and death makes me think about life

i don’t know why i get so sad when people die
it’s so human to do

pumpkin 🎃 👻🦇 @pumpkinstars.bsky.social · 2m

work bestie felt lost. with a new request.

so i made some charts for her today and i said see it will be ok we do like this

but my hands hurt and my body aches
so my i made a diagram thing and it is so uneven haha

but that’s ok it show her the idea
and she gets it

1

pumpkin 🎃 👻🦇 @pumpkinstars.bsky.social · 3m

i told work bestie and said. if you or someone can teach me how this build works and what to do. after you are gone if there are small changes i can be familiar enough to know what to do.

the team is leaving soon. most people.

not soon i guess. but soon for job terms it’s almost done.

1

pumpkin 🎃 👻🦇 @pumpkinstars.bsky.social · 5m

i had a solution to a problem we had
and i said

i

my chest hurts.

i didn’t say that haha. i had some solution. and we have time to do it before the job ends.

1

pumpkin 🎃 👻🦇 @pumpkinstars.bsky.social · 6m

i grieve anyone who died of #MECFS because one day, so will i. i’ve been severe. i’m still severe based on many charts but i feel stable.

i can’t think of that now

think of work
my new chart
my work

work bestie needs my charts

1

pumpkin 🎃 👻🦇 @pumpkinstars.bsky.social · 7m

i want to eat bread pudding and comfort food
and i might get some
my chest and throat keep burning

it sucks to need disassociate. because #MECFS means i can’t feel or i will crash.

grieving always sucks
last year and a month ago, tinu
and my uncle now

others foo

1

pumpkin 🎃 👻🦇 @pumpkinstars.bsky.social · 12m

work bestie is overwhelmed with this part
and i feel for her so much

i’m working through as much of it as i can. but i’m exhausted and fatigue. the rain ache. the grieving i keep pushing down every time i feel it in my chest.

it is difficult to do today

1

pumpkin 🎃 👻🦇 @pumpkinstars.bsky.social · 14m

my boss warned us that it’s about to get more crazy chaos.

and. ableism of crazy aside.

if she says it will be chaos it surely will.

and. at this point i’ve accepted that and choose to focus on what’s in front of me.

1

pumpkin 🎃 👻🦇 @pumpkinstars.bsky.social · 15m

and other people.

and that’s ok with me not to be in charge it’s just really frustrating how it went down.
and how a month later, sure enough i am needed to figure it out.
i could have done it earlier but i couldn’t it was taken from me.

1

pumpkin 🎃 👻🦇 @pumpkinstars.bsky.social · 17m

i do best at work when i have someone to work under that i professionally respect or look up to or complement.

i am holding on to helping work bestie. doing stuff she needs and wants.

it’s stuff i’m great at and was originally assigned. but my boss took it away and gave it to work bestie.

1

pumpkin 🎃 👻🦇 @pumpkinstars.bsky.social · 39m

food is hard for me

and when i shop
and maybe look at something i wish for but know i cannot eat

it taunts me now on pinterest

pumpkin 🎃 👻🦇 @pumpkinstars.bsky.social · 41m

pinterest can see my insta cart

and this bothers me greatly

other places can likely see it too
how much of me have they sold

1

pumpkin 🎃 👻🦇 @pumpkinstars.bsky.social · 1h

my boss told work bestie and me what she wants me to do

but work bestie and me know we can’t trust that without confirmation

pumpkin 🎃 👻🦇 @pumpkinstars.bsky.social · 1h

i don’t know what i’ll be doing for them

my boss’s boss really likes me but we’ve hardly ever talked.

some of my old documentation that i did outside of my regular job helped her out a lot. so she likes me for that.

and i don’t have to scramble about the dreaded Bench for a while.

1

pumpkin 🎃 👻🦇 @pumpkinstars.bsky.social · 1h

work bestie outranks me by a lot

a few positions above where i’m at which is years and years of experience in her field

so she can see those things. the budgets for people.

and this group wants me to stay with them

1

pumpkin 🎃 👻🦇 @pumpkinstars.bsky.social · 1h

at my job, we have to get ourselves on company projects.

when a project ends, we get put on The Bench.

too much time on the bench gets you fired.

work bestie just confirmed for me i don’t have to worry about the bench for a full year

it’s amazing news but todays a rough day so i can’t feel it

1 1

pumpkin 🎃 👻🦇 @pumpkinstars.bsky.social · 3h

being sick is hard enough

grieving is hard enough

life processing is so much harder on top
of being sick
ick

pumpkin 🎃 👻🦇 @pumpkinstars.bsky.social · 3h

i can’t breathe i miss my friend

pumpkin 🎃 👻🦇 @pumpkinstars.bsky.social · 3h

my body wants to collapse

i’m already in bed
idk what exactly
i mean by this

but i feel ready to collapse

Reposted by pumpkin 🎃 👻🦇

MashedBex ✨ @bexmashaba.bsky.social · 5h

i'm really sick and i barely have the energy to get up, so managing this fundraiser/reposting, etc is very difficult for me at the moment.

please, if you can, make an effort to share or repost whenever you can.

hopefully it'll reach more people & hopefully i can raise the money to get treatment ❤️

MashedBex ✨ @bexmashaba.bsky.social · 5d

🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️

hoping to raise $2730 to get the consistent treatment that i need as soon as possible 🙏🏽

thank you to each and everyone who has supported my journey so far ❤️ i literally would not be here without you

$40/$2730

ko-fi.com/rebekamash/g...

6 6

Reposted by pumpkin 🎃 👻🦇

MashedBex ✨ @bexmashaba.bsky.social · 5h

hey friends,

i'm not doing well- i've been nauseous for 2 days & struggling with abdominal pain

i'm trying to stick it out until i receive a little money tomorrow, but i think i should get to a doctor.

is it possible for a few of you to chip in $50 to get to the er pls?

paypal.me/thelongestroad

Pay RMM Creative using PayPal.Me

Go to paypal.me/thelongestroad and type in the amount. Since it’s PayPal, it's easy and secure. Don’t have a PayPal account? No worries.

paypal.me

2 18 16

Reposted by pumpkin 🎃 👻🦇

MashedBex ✨ @bexmashaba.bsky.social · 4h

please?

$0 / 50

could 5 people chip in $10 each?

MashedBex ✨ @bexmashaba.bsky.social · 5h

hey friends,

i'm not doing well- i've been nauseous for 2 days & struggling with abdominal pain

i'm trying to stick it out until i receive a little money tomorrow, but i think i should get to a doctor.

is it possible for a few of you to chip in $50 to get to the er pls?

paypal.me/thelongestroad

Pay RMM Creative using PayPal.Me

Go to paypal.me/thelongestroad and type in the amount. Since it’s PayPal, it's easy and secure. Don’t have a PayPal account? No worries.

paypal.me

1 7 6

pumpkin 🎃 👻🦇 @pumpkinstars.bsky.social · 3h

i would like tk rest and grieve now

i am working instead
and will be
it is

idk

pumpkin 🎃 👻🦇 @pumpkinstars.bsky.social · 4h

a few* years ago

pumpkin 🎃 👻🦇 @pumpkinstars.bsky.social · 4h

i am grateful that i got to be an adult in the family and support the elders in the way i did.

and now. i have those memories. i know what i would do if i wasn’t so sick.

it helps me now. because when i was arranging things, a part of me felt it was for every one to come.

1 1