Author | Lightnews

Pride Controller @pridecontroller.bsky.social · Jan 13

sorry everyone. My new favorite action figure broke, and now I’m desolate. It was a mint condition Gordon Ramsey from Hells Kitchen Season 12.

#apology #gordon #hellskitchen i hope all this social media doesn’t wake up my wife

Pride Controller @pridecontroller.bsky.social · Jan 12

have you guys seen that #nosferatu yet? i heard a rumor that #vampires aren’t real, but i don’t tend to buy into #conspiracy theories

Pride Controller @pridecontroller.bsky.social · Jan 10

finally discovered a new #island. this #expedition stuff is really hard. did you guys know that #boats require fuel now? what ever happened to sails?

Pride Controller @pridecontroller.bsky.social · Jan 10

what if I’ve reached my #peak. it’s all downhill from here. pre-order #SpiderMan: Eat my Home digital edition using my personalized link: www.spiderman.com/orderthespidermanmovieplease

Pride Controller @pridecontroller.bsky.social · Jan 5

fiddler on the roof review: not enough #roofs. not enough #fiddlers. where’s your goddamn integrity #hollywood.

Pride Controller @pridecontroller.bsky.social · Dec 30

the #state shouldn’t have a #monopoly on violence. they should give the monopoly to me. I’m a trustworthy guy.

Pride Controller @pridecontroller.bsky.social · Dec 21

here’s my weekly #baseball tweet everybody. here’s a tip for the first #basemen out there: if you catch the ball before it hits the ground, the batter is out (in the game, not like in a #closeted context)

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Pride Controller @pridecontroller.bsky.social · Dec 18

hey everybody quick update: some #cryptid (dont know which) kidnapped my #wife last night and wants $800,000 for her safe return so if anyone would like to #sponser future posts please let me know

Pride Controller @pridecontroller.bsky.social · Dec 18

how soon before announcing step 2 of a #plan should I announce step 1? i’d really like to get the #timing right on this or my investors are gonna be pissed

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Reposted by Pride Controller

onion person @junlper.beer · Dec 18

🚨🚨🚨 MAJOR ALERT: EVERYONE BREAK YOUR PHONE RIGHT NOW !!!

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Pride Controller @pridecontroller.bsky.social · Dec 18

does anyone have any #plans tomorrow #evening? my wife and i would like to go out to #dinner but my stupid grandson #mervin doesn’t have anything to do so can i pawn him off on one of you? he likes #baseball but please dont give him any dairy he’s lactose intolerant

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Pride Controller @pridecontroller.bsky.social · Dec 17

i think it’s pretty #fucked up that they don’t let black people post on #Facebook. it’s really weird that it’s just sort of something you’re expected to accept. well guess what, liberals, im not so easily controlled #free #politics #gaming ok google show me casserole recipes

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Reposted by Pride Controller

soul nate @mnateshyamalan.bsky.social · Dec 17

me: hey dave. you disgusting freak. fat piece of shit. do you know how to turn on the copy machine

dave: button on the left

me: wow.. thank you. i see now that being different is your strength. you are brave & strong. i love you dave. would you like to join the boys & i later for some People Games

22 86 1.5K

Reposted by Pride Controller

Rob DenBleyker @robdenbleyker.com · Dec 17

they made Gerald Witcher a girl in the new game, so I threw my Xbox out the window and it killed a small dog, and now everyone's mad at me for having an opinion

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Pride Controller @pridecontroller.bsky.social · Dec 16

ok mervin: when is #baseball coming back. sometimes i need to ask my grandson mervin to look up #questions for me and oh my god not until March what the fuck im #pissed at least the cubs are playing, they’re pretty neat

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Pride Controller @pridecontroller.bsky.social · Dec 14

if it’s still available can I order some #mozzarella sticks. no I don’t need any sauce I have too much #sauce 🥫at home already. #italian #pizzahut #gaming

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Pride Controller @pridecontroller.bsky.social · Dec 13

my wife is #missing again. if anyone sees her please let me know we’re supposed to be going to her friends’ #charity gala and i think it will be fairly awkward if i show up without her.

#wifeguy

Pride Controller @pridecontroller.bsky.social · Dec 13

this reminds me of when I failed my political science final in college because I brought a volcano to class and the professor said that it was a different kind of science

Pride Controller @pridecontroller.bsky.social · Dec 12

hey everyone i have a huge update on my mount rushmore replica project, “Mount Rushmost” where we carve the most #presidents into a big rock wall: we’ve finally started on dwight #eisenhower, that #bald bastard. stay tuned im gonna start james #garfield and his big beard soon

#diy #mountrushmore

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Pride Controller @pridecontroller.bsky.social · Dec 11

one time my brother did this to me. i wont get into any of the gruesome medical details , but let’s just say im not rushing to get him out of that well he fell down a few days ago

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Pride Controller @pridecontroller.bsky.social · Dec 11

and theyre charging for sitting down at the movie theater now? used to be you could just walk into the theater and if you stood behind the back row menacingly enough they would leave you alone. now they threaten you with their fancy city lawyers.

Pride Controller @pridecontroller.bsky.social · Dec 11

spiderman didn’t write the bible i don’t know where you get your news but i think you should consider seeking out higher quality sources

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Pride Controller @pridecontroller.bsky.social · Dec 11

(beeping and booping noises) finally…. my machine is ready. all of you #haters that said I could never accomplish anything will be proven #wrong

#invention #engineering shit it just fell over everything’s ruined and my moms gonna make fun of me again

Pride Controller @pridecontroller.bsky.social · Dec 11

here’s my official review of #marvelrivals new video game 🎮 : i havent played it yet but my grandson mervin and my wife natasha really like it. im not sure ill give it a try though; i haven’t touched a #marvel property since they killed stan lee #gaming #review

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Pride Controller @pridecontroller.bsky.social · Dec 11

congrats man. i tried to play this new game “monopoly simpsons edition” with the family but we realized its just a rip off of monopoly. the parker brothers should sue.

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