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Coates is Odd This Day @oddthisday.bsky.social · 12m

Fucking hell. Beats nine creme eggs

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Coates is Odd This Day @oddthisday.bsky.social · 26m

According to this splendid foornote, he may have been lucky to survive...

Peigi MacKillop @peigibheag.bsky.social · 20h

I worked in drug/alcohol rehab. There was an urban legend about an Aberdeenshire man who died of a 'sherry enema'.

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Coates is Odd This Day @oddthisday.bsky.social · 27m

Incidentally, if this has whetted your appetite for information about literary figures shoving booze up their arses, I can... er, ‘help’

Coates is Odd This Day @oddthisday.bsky.social · May 5

It’s the 51st anniversary of one of this proud nation’s great cultural highlights: renowned intellectual Ken Tynan gets his girlfriend to stick vodka up his bum. The consequences are… less than ideal

5 May
I read in Alan Watts' autobiography, In My Own Way, that alcohol is best taken rectally instead of orally. Since I know this to be true of sleeping pills (suppositories are much healthier than the oral kind), I madly determine to try it. So Nicole and I return from eating a peppery Indian dinner to Emma Gordon's flat, where we are spending the weekend, with a half-bottle of vodka with which to make the experiment. Nicole injects a large wine-glass of vodka into my anus via an enema tube. Within ten minutes the agony is indescribable. I am squirming as if Prussic acid had been squirted into my colon. The astringent vodka tightens the rectal passage and inflames the mucous membranes: so that I spend a sleepless night, followed by a tormented day, interspersed with visits to the loo every ten minutes - most of them abortive, since the diarrhoea is denied its natural outlet by the tightly compressed anus. In addition to the pain, I am bleeding copiously from the rectum. Poetic justice is thus visited upon me, anal fixatee that I am, and translated into farce. It takes forty-eight hours for the after-effects to subside (N.B. three days later I am still seeping blood). Oh, the perils of hedonism!

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Coates is Odd This Day @oddthisday.bsky.social · 28m

Happy 362nd anniversary to this entry from the Diary of Samuel Pepys (the last one, I promise), in which Mr Pepys (no longer constipated, on account of his wife having shoved a pint of beer up his arse), reflects on the experience and offers advice for the afflicted

13th. And so rose in the morning in perfect good ease… continued all the morning well, and in the afternoon had a natural easily and dry stoole, the first I have had these five days or six, for which God be praised, and so am likely to continue well, observing for the time to come when any of this pain comes again:
1. To begin to keep myself as warm as I can.
2. Strain as little as ever I can backwards, remembering that my pain will come by and by, though in the very straining I do not feel it.
3. Either by physic forward or by clyster backward or both ways to get an easy and plentiful going to stool and breaking of wind.
4. To begin to suspect my health immediately when I begin to become costive and bound, and by all means to keep my body loose, and that to obtain presently after I find myself going the contrary.

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Coates is Odd This Day @oddthisday.bsky.social · 46m

Blimey, that is impressive. I would have waited until other people were awake, and the unblocking would only have been achieved with a lot of huffing and puffing

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Coates is Odd This Day @oddthisday.bsky.social · 1h

Started reading @alexvont.bsky.social’s Indian Summer last night. I do like a punchy opening paragraph. (She’s describing how things stood in 1577)

IN THE BEGINNING, THERE WERE TWO NATIONS. ONE WAS A vast, mighty and magnificent empire, brilliantly organized and culturally unified, which dominated a massive swathe of the earth. The other was an undeveloped, semi-feudal realm, riven by religious factionalism and barely able to feed its illiterate, diseased and stinking masses. The first nation was India. The second was England.

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Reposted by Coates is Odd This Day

Philip Cowley @philipjcowley.bsky.social · 1h

Lots of Thatcher stuff coming today, to mark her 100th birthday. Here's one of mine.

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Coates is Odd This Day @oddthisday.bsky.social · 1h

Exactly. And she wasn’t doing it to save her political career. Geoffrey Howe’s budget in 1981 had already done that (helped by the Labour Party’s swerve to the left, which happens occasionally because it’s what the membership wants, but is never what the electorate wants)

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Coates is Odd This Day @oddthisday.bsky.social · 1h

Thank you, Rose!

Rose Ruane @regretteruane.bsky.social · 2d

Contents are as perfectly delightful as you’d imagine. Jill McDonald somehow managing to bring a colourful quality even to her monochromatic illustrations.
Very, very tempted to get a tattoo of that spectacularly sublime sickly cat

Page from a 1970s puffin post magazine, gorgeous cartoon pictures in black and white illustrate short texts about how to make a puppet theatre from a matchbox and instructions on creating a snake shaped draught excluder with a sickly looking cross eyed cat with a speech bubble reading yurck in capital letters, illustrating a short item on creating a recipe for deliberately disgusting food. The style of the illustration is a joyful junior psychedelia

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Coates is Odd This Day @oddthisday.bsky.social · 1h

Monday

A cartoon cat (drawn with great style and personality, but impossible to describe) dances on its back legs, raises its front paws and sticks its tongue out, saying “YURCK!”

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Reposted by Coates is Odd This Day

Alex Spahn 🌋🌪️☄️ @spahn711.bsky.social · 4h

This made me laugh way harder than it should have.

A play on the Obama "HOPE" poster, but with a frog and the word "HOP"

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Coates is Odd This Day @oddthisday.bsky.social · 11h

Better and better. I like Blessed

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Coates is Odd This Day @oddthisday.bsky.social · 12h

Fantastic!

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Coates is Odd This Day @oddthisday.bsky.social · 12h

Yes to all of the above

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Coates is Odd This Day @oddthisday.bsky.social · 14h

Yes, I looked it up earlier and thought that sounded right. I found a Defra number to call, so they know about it, but it disappeared before we could do anything with it

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Coates is Odd This Day @oddthisday.bsky.social · 15h

“But I WANT to go outside”

A gingery tortoiseshell cat with white bits, dissatisfied with matters as they currently stand

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Coates is Odd This Day @oddthisday.bsky.social · 15h

There’s probably room for an off-colour joke about priests and altar boys, too, but…

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Coates is Odd This Day @oddthisday.bsky.social · 15h

My best friend and I went to church with a school friend who was going through a phase and there was a song in the book called O Lord You Put a Tongue in My Mouth. We wept with laughter as silently as we could for several minutes

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Coates is Odd This Day @oddthisday.bsky.social · 15h

In other news today, we have a pigeon in the garden with a neurological disorder. And a cat

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Coates is Odd This Day @oddthisday.bsky.social · 15h

This came through the letter box earlier

A very silly booklet with a photo on the front of people apparently looking at the booklet. The text around it reads “Rhapsody of Realities - A DAILY DEVOTIONAL. AVAILABLE IN ALL KNOWN LANGUAGES
God's End-time Tool For Reaching All Men With The Gospel! By Chris Oyakhilome

A photo of Pastor Chris and the words ARE YOU WITH ME ON THIS? Join Pastor Chris in completing the full preaching of the Gospel to all
nations by December this year!

An inside page showing two miracles - a wheelchair user who can suddenly walk, and a man who can raise his arms quite a lot who (in the after photo) can raise them slightly less

Seven REASONS WHY YOU SHOULD GO TO CHURCH [no.1 is particularly good]
As a Christian, it's important for you to identity with a local assembly, a church you can call your HOME and participate fully in the activities. Here are some of the reasons you must go to church:
1. God Said So
God desires His children to attend church meetings. The admonition is dear in Hebrews 10:25 for us not to forsake the assembly of the brethren.
2. Jesus Did, Showing Us A Pattern To Follow
lesus had a culture of going to "church." It was part of His personal discipline and devotion (Luke 4:16).
3. It's The Vehicle By Which You Function In The Body Of Christ The local assembly is a microcosm of the spiritual body of Christ. You function in that Body by functioning in the local assembly.
4. The Church Is The Pillar And Ground Of Truth (1 Timothy 3:15)
The Church is the pillar and ground of Truth where you're taught the Word of God. The teaching of God's Word is crucial for victorious living.
5. The Church Is A Place Of Fellowship With Other Christians Fellowship with other Christians is essential to the growth of a believer.
We sharpen ourselves as we fellowship together in church.
6. The Church Is A Place Where Christian Growth And Character Are
Enhanced
God ordained certain offices in the Church for the benefit of the Christian, for growth and to sharpen his spiritual development (Ephesians 4:11-16).
7. The Church Is A Place Of Training
The Church is a place where discipline is imparted. God sets instructors who are able to instruct you in the truth and help you culture your life.

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Coates is Odd This Day @oddthisday.bsky.social · 16h

Matt’s a good ’un, with an excellent reputation. You should probably hire him

Matt Owen @mjowen174.bsky.social · 16h

If you could please do us a favour and RT (or whatever it is on here) my writing CV I would be extremely grateful. I am a very capable writer of words, mainly “humorous”’ and if you have some PROPER paid work for me, please DM me. Thank you for your time www.mathew-owen.co.uk

Home | Matt Owen | Freelance Writer

I offer a broad and diverse range of writing services. Get in touch!

www.mathew-owen.co.uk

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Reposted by Coates is Odd This Day

Hannah Cooper @hannahcooper.bsky.social · 17h

Unexpected rabbit hole today is discovering that "Phwoar!" was first recorded by the dictionary in 1976, and 1972's Carry On Matron may be its first film appearance.

I thought I'd found an earlier 60s TV use, but it seems "Phwoar!" is firmly a 70s phenomenon.

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Coates is Odd This Day @oddthisday.bsky.social · 17h

Oh, thank you. I hadn't. Will have a read

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Coates is Odd This Day @oddthisday.bsky.social · 17h

Oh, yes. I need to read more about him

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Coates is Odd This Day @oddthisday.bsky.social · 18h

Monty Python Holy Grail meme: John Cleese, who has just claimed that a woman turned him into a newt, and then says "Well, I got better"

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