Author | Lightnews

@natekushner.bsky.social

72 followers 330 following 75 posts

Music under the fake band name of Major Metals. majormetalsmusic.com UX design. Absurdity. Goofs. I'm starting to think that Trump guy is a scoundrel.

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natekushner.bsky.social @natekushner.bsky.social · 4d

I agree with this!

natekushner.bsky.social @natekushner.bsky.social · 4d

I know this guy, and yes, you should get ready.

Major Metals @majormetalsmusic.bsky.social · 4d

I was on the bird place last time I released music. Get ready.

natekushner.bsky.social @natekushner.bsky.social · 12d

Um, ok, if I suddenly retire and if I suddenly have my balls gold-plated this December, its because of this Christmas song i just wrote.

natekushner.bsky.social @natekushner.bsky.social · 15d

Me sampling jerky at a mall kiosk: "This jerky tastes so good, it had to have been made by a 12 year old boy who wasn't wearing a hat."

Employee at @matthatjerky.bsky.social kiosk: "Buckle up, fucko, cause I'm about to blow your mind."

Matt Hatt Jerky packaging with copy revealing "11-year-old makes world's best jerky" and a photo of Matt wherein he is wearing a cowboy hat.

natekushner.bsky.social @natekushner.bsky.social · 27d

More like Paul Midwesterberg.

natekushner.bsky.social @natekushner.bsky.social · Oct 2

If you look at the name of this national forest, you'll notice that its name is exactly Waluigi spelled backwards. This should tell you that something is afoot.

Screenshot of a government website for Siuslaw National Forest, with a sinister unwanted propaganda message overlaid on it.

natekushner.bsky.social @natekushner.bsky.social · Oct 1

An assortment of numbers between 1 and 75, arranged in a 5 by 5 grid with a free space in the middle spot? I didnt have that on my bingo card.

natekushner.bsky.social @natekushner.bsky.social · Sep 27

Broke my duolingo streak today. Now I don't know if I even WANT to learn Nell.

natekushner.bsky.social @natekushner.bsky.social · Sep 21

I don't trust anyone that's got a skeleton inside them. Have you seen those things?!

natekushner.bsky.social @natekushner.bsky.social · Sep 16

Much health and healing to the deceased and his festival.

natekushner.bsky.social @natekushner.bsky.social · Sep 13

Turning Point's stuff has gone downhill the past couple days.

natekushner.bsky.social @natekushner.bsky.social · Sep 11

He's in heaven now, making amazing music with Jimi Hendrix, Janis Jopin, Franz Liszt, and Bruce Springsteen. I imagine him playing hambone percussion.

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natekushner.bsky.social @natekushner.bsky.social · Sep 7

Ok, but whose phone should I be using?

Canada Healthwatch 🍁 @canadahealthwatch.ca · Sep 6

You're More Likely to Get Hemorrhoids If You Use Your Phone on the Toilet https://people.com/youre-more-likely-to-get-hemorrhoids-if-you-use-phone-on-toilet-11803559

𝗠𝗼𝗿𝗲 𝗻𝗲𝘄𝘀 ⇢ CanadaHealthwatch.ca 🍁

natekushner.bsky.social @natekushner.bsky.social · Sep 7

Ok, but whose phone should I be using?

natekushner.bsky.social @natekushner.bsky.social · Sep 2

I hope the Pentagon is ordering some cuh-RAZY bread, on accounta how insane the whole thing is.

natekushner.bsky.social @natekushner.bsky.social · Aug 31

They full on made C. Thomas Howell do whiteface in The Outsiders....smh

natekushner.bsky.social @natekushner.bsky.social · Aug 24

There's nothing in the rulebook that says a dog can't be Air Budd Dwyer.

natekushner.bsky.social @natekushner.bsky.social · Aug 23

In Soviet Russia, Shudder presents Corn in the Clownfield.

Reposted

BayBayFriend @baybayfriend.bsky.social · Aug 18

TV detective: These are some pretty intense lyrics. He must have had a lot of enemies. What parent WOULDN’T want to throttle him for filling their kids’ heads with trash?

Slain pop punk musician via music video: 🎵 Some cats may call me rude, but they just hate my doggie ‘tude! Woof!

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natekushner.bsky.social @natekushner.bsky.social · Aug 17

How many Stamps does it take to send an actor to heaven?

Terrence Stamp. Delete.

natekushner.bsky.social @natekushner.bsky.social · Aug 9

The 1980s were just a Lengthiest Buttock competition.

natekushner.bsky.social @natekushner.bsky.social · Aug 4

Kids used to be into Sit Ubu Sit, and now all they talk about is Shit Labubu Shit.

natekushner.bsky.social @natekushner.bsky.social · Jul 29

If you love dictionary co-authors so much, why don't you Merriam?

natekushner.bsky.social @natekushner.bsky.social · Jul 24

Oh, did you also go to school with Lil Billy Sega?

natekushner.bsky.social @natekushner.bsky.social · Jul 24

I had a friend who had an uncle who worked at Nintendo. And, same. If he got caught drinking Pepsi, he'd have been arrested.

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