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Myq Kaplan

@myqkaplan.bsky.social

2.6K followers 230 following 5.8K posts

I’m a comedian! New special “Rini” on YouTube 11/19/25: https://youtu.be/y0uf9i_z-Aw Tour dates: https://punchup.live/myqkaplan More info: http://linktr.ee/myqkaplan

youtu.be

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Myq Kaplan @myqkaplan.bsky.social · 12h

Haha as are we all!

Myq Kaplan @myqkaplan.bsky.social · 14h

DMT! Doing My Thing!

Here’s a clip from my new stand-up special “Rini” coming to the Blonde Medicine YouTube channel on November 19!

PS the full special will live here, and you can click to get a reminder if you wish:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=y0uf...

#comedy #standupcomedy #funny #jokes #comedy

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Myq Kaplan @myqkaplan.bsky.social · 15h

I’m glad!

Maybe if you try on another device? Laptop vs phone, if you wish.

Or the gist is good!

Myq Kaplan @myqkaplan.bsky.social · 15h

I'm thinking of creating a dating app for religious believers who screw up social interactions called "Christian Mangle."

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Myq Kaplan @myqkaplan.bsky.social · 15h

“The hills are alive...”

“OH MY GOD RUN, HEAD FOR THE... OH NOOOO I MEAN HEAD AWAY FROM THE HILLS...”

“...with the sound of music!”

“OH GOD THE HILLS ARE GOING TO EAT US AND ALSO THEY ARE SINGING, RUN EVEN FASTER!!!!”

Myq Kaplan @myqkaplan.bsky.social · 15h

This joke’s similar
to the ledge of a window...
in that it's SILLy.

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Myq Kaplan @myqkaplan.bsky.social · 15h

CUTE JOKE ALERT!

A good name for a frog could be Rosie the Ribbiter.

CUTE JOKE OVER!

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Myq Kaplan @myqkaplan.bsky.social · 20h

Delaware!

I headline Arden Gild Hall this Saturday, 10/18!

I am excited to return to where last year I opened for the hilarious Emo Philips and this year the also hilarious Samantha Ruddy will be opening for ME!

If you are in the Delaware area (Delawarea?!), come on out!

dice.fm/event/mxq8gv...

Myq Kaplan @myqkaplan.bsky.social · 21h

Hahaha maybe get a tattoo that reminds you to forget?

Myq Kaplan @myqkaplan.bsky.social · 1d

That’s strange! It looks fine on my end. Sorry about that! Thank you!

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Myq Kaplan @myqkaplan.bsky.social · 1d

You have to watch the movie to find out!

Myq Kaplan @myqkaplan.bsky.social · 1d

Writing a movie about a guy who forgot that he ate an olive backwards but he is constantly reminded by his tattoos.

It's called "Pimento" and I'm very sorry.

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Myq Kaplan @myqkaplan.bsky.social · 1d

*a modern folk tale*

I had to use the bathroom but couldn't find my phone.

I looked all over but to no avail.

I accepted that I must bathroom a cappella.

I was full of peace.

And when I entered, there was my phone.

It was inside the bathroom all along.

*there is no moral to this story*

Myq Kaplan @myqkaplan.bsky.social · 1d

CUTE JOKE ALERT!

I can't take my eyes off what those construction workers are doing... it’s riveting.

CUTE JOKE OVER!

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Myq Kaplan @myqkaplan.bsky.social · 1d

I have an idea:
Pedestrian turn signals.
Do I win a prize?

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Myq Kaplan @myqkaplan.bsky.social · 1d

I know everyone has different definitions.

Sometimes folks say “pain is inevitable, suffering is optional,” and so in that vein I agree with you that life certainly contains pain and often suffering as well.

I wish you the lowest possible amounts of both, and the highest amounts of happiness.

Myq Kaplan @myqkaplan.bsky.social · 1d

Looks like they’re still considering it!

Myq Kaplan @myqkaplan.bsky.social · 1d

Thank you for sharing this.

I’m very sorry to hear about the physical pain that you’re in.

A sincere question, if you’d like to share: are pain and suffering synonymous to you?

Regardless, I appreciate you and your thoughts and I wish for your suffering to decrease and your joy to increase.

Myq Kaplan @myqkaplan.bsky.social · 1d

This is my friend Ophira Eisenberg!

She is a super funny comedian who is the super most recent guest on my podcast!

broccoliandicecream.libsyn.com/403-ophira-e...

In NYC? Get tix to her new taping!
Anywhere? Listen to our delightful conversation!

Thanks as always to Ramin Nazer for the pod art!

Myq Kaplan @myqkaplan.bsky.social · 1d

I wrote about this Mitch Hedberg joke that I love:

“I don’t have a girlfriend. I just know a girl who would get really mad if she heard me say that.”

It’s also about how I DO have a girlfriend and how we created a stand-up special together.

I hope you enjoy the piece AND the special, out 11/19!

I made a stand-up comedy special with my girlfriend about my girlfriend. Her name is Rini and the special is called "Rini" and it comes out next month!

Read about it and also other things here! And also other places probably.

open.substack.com

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Myq Kaplan @myqkaplan.bsky.social · 1d

In Buddhism, the first noble truth is that there is suffering.

The second noble truth is the cause of suffering.

The third is the cessation of suffering.

And the fourth is the path the end of suffering (and spoiler alert: it isn’t just “die”).

I wish you happiness, my friend!

Myq Kaplan @myqkaplan.bsky.social · 2d

That’s why it would be even cooler if it happened!

Myq Kaplan @myqkaplan.bsky.social · 2d

A few Octobers ago, I made a suggestion and the dictionary responded and it was a delight and an honor.

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Myq Kaplan @myqkaplan.bsky.social · 2d

A maze, balls!

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Myq Kaplan @myqkaplan.bsky.social · 2d

Thinking of becoming a morning radio DJ in France and calling myself "Shock Jacques."

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