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Lauren Flans

@laurenflans.bsky.social

2.5K followers 1.2K following 4.1K posts

I love three things: my dog, '70s folk rock, and Rachel Weisz. Everything else I am merely tolerating. Check out comingoutpod.com 🏳️‍🌈 Sorry about all the semicolons; I can't help it. OnlyFlans: bit.ly/flansposts

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Lauren Flans @laurenflans.bsky.social · Jul 30

The times are feeling very Sodom and Gomorrah-y, which unfortunately I mean more in a "we have become so evil that we are about to be biblically wiped out" way and less in a "everyone is having gay sex" way.

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Lauren Flans @laurenflans.bsky.social · 8h

They got the moose out and he was fine!! May we all be so lucky 🙏

Lauren Flans @laurenflans.bsky.social · 10h

And they say you can't improve upon perfection!

Lauren Flans @laurenflans.bsky.social · 11h

this is what the past five years have felt like

Screenshot of a giant moose in a well with the caption "This giant moose fell into a well."

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Lauren Flans @laurenflans.bsky.social · 11h

Oh my gosh, we're kind of the reverse; I grew up in NYC but have now lived in L.A. for longer than I've lived anywhere else 😂 To me, all three of the M words in that sentence are TOTALLY different!

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Lauren Flans @laurenflans.bsky.social · 11h

uh oh looks like somebody is having A Thought

a smol dachshund-mix who looks like he is having a distressing thought although tbf it could just be a thought

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Lauren Flans @laurenflans.bsky.social · 14h

There is an elderly man in my neighborhood who takes very aerobic walks once a day minimum, and the greatest thing about him is that, every so often, he loudly farts in rhythm with his steps. He always has headphones in so I don't know if he knows that he's farting, but I like to think that he DGAF.

Lauren Flans @laurenflans.bsky.social · 17h

thank you that was literally all i was trying to say with that tweet???

Lauren Flans @laurenflans.bsky.social · 18h

This tweet went SUPER viral during The Queen's Gambit (it has way less likes now because so many people have left Twitter, but at one point it had 289K). I was harassed for a solid week for being cruel to orphans; people found me on Instagram, review-bombed my podcast, told me I should die, etc. 🙂

Screenshot of an old tweet of mine:

@LaurenFlans

the orphan i adopted sucks at chess fml 🙄

10:07 PM • 12 Nov 20

View post activity
17.2K Reposts
1,977 Quotes
242K Likes
1,422 Bookmarks

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Lauren Flans @laurenflans.bsky.social · 21h

bluesky isn't crashing for me you guys must be doing something wrong

Lauren Flans @laurenflans.bsky.social · 21h

Thank you for this 💗 Really, really excellent.

Reposted by Lauren Flans

Jessica Ellis @baddestmamajama.bsky.social · 1d

There is no argument against masking that doesn’t fall back on scientific denial. Covid is disabling millions of people - so far up to 30% in some countries - and killing tens of thousands a year, you either dismiss those lives or claim the science isn’t the science. It’s right wing either way.

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Lauren Flans @laurenflans.bsky.social · 1d

Truly one of the worst one of these mankind has ever created, and yet my personal award probably goes to the people still using "I didn't have ______ on my bingo card!" in 20-fucking-25.

Lauren Flans @laurenflans.bsky.social · 1d

omg he is doing a perfect kilroy

a smol dachshund-mix snuggled up in a robe with his snoot hanging over it like kilroy

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Lauren Flans @laurenflans.bsky.social · 1d

Yes on Prop 50? More like YES (I'd like to be) on TOP (of) 55 (year-old Rachel Weisz)!

Lauren Flans @laurenflans.bsky.social · 2d

They were SO CUTE TOGETHER! 😭 Rocky would pee somewhere, and then Pierro would follow behind him and pee on the same spot 🥹

Lauren Flans @laurenflans.bsky.social · 2d

And here's the second one, which is devoted to Pierro and Rocky's Big Guy/Little Guy bromance! 🐾

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Lauren Flans @laurenflans.bsky.social · 2d

Last week Pierro and I had to be out of our apartment for 24 hrs. A friend (who has a large son named Rocky) was kind enough to let us stay in her parents' guest house, which is in the most BEAUTIFUL spot I have ever been to in California! Here's the first of two videos I made of our mini vacation:

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Lauren Flans @laurenflans.bsky.social · 2d

when u hear something but u r sleepy

a smol dachshund-mix lying on a couch with his eyes closed and one ear sticking up

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Lauren Flans @laurenflans.bsky.social · 3d

ummmmmmm ok but if he did he does???

Lauren Flans @laurenflans.bsky.social · 3d

goddammit now tom selleck is also trying to sell me gold and we are no closer to GAYCHELS becoming a reality this timeline fucking blows

Lauren Flans @laurenflans.bsky.social · Jul 22

I am not meant to exist in a timeline where Dennis Quaid is on the radio telling me to protect my retirement savings by investing in gold; I'm meant to exist in a timeline where Rachel Weisz & Rachel McAdams fell in love for real while filming Disobedience and opened a lesbian bar called "GAYCHELS."

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Lauren Flans @laurenflans.bsky.social · 3d

I SAID I WAS EMBARRASSED

Lauren Flans @laurenflans.bsky.social · 3d

no see this is what i'm talking about that part is completely fabricated

Lauren Flans @laurenflans.bsky.social · 3d

I just saw a video of a woodpecker pecking the hell out of some wood and I'm embarrassed to admit this but I think I maybe didn't really think they did that?? Like I think part of me thought it was kind of made up for Woody Woodpecker? In my defense, when are cartoons THAT accurate? Seems rare.

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Lauren Flans @laurenflans.bsky.social · 4d

now that's a good boy

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Lauren Flans @laurenflans.bsky.social · 4d

that's what makes him ground breaking (they rarely do this)

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