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Ian Forsooth, I am smitten by your spooky name

@ianfortey.bsky.social

6.5K followers 1.6K following 20K posts

🍁NY Times & Amazon best-selling horror and comedy writer. Taco supporter & food writer. Author of WereCage & a book about Eve6. Bon vivant and lustrous man about town. Here's my books, you beautiful buggers - https://books2read.com/b/werecage

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Ian Forsooth, I am smitten by your spooky name @ianfortey.bsky.social · Mar 15

You can buy my books on all kinds of sites that in no way enrich Jeff Bezos, if you want to. Click the link and find all 4 of my self published novels at over a dozen different vendors! Woo!

books2read.com/ap/xdXkEP/Ia...

the cover of my book Do Velociraptors Dream of Alternative Rock. It's red and features the silhoutette of a raptor chasing a stick man

the cover of my book Shit's About to Get Weird. It's black and white with yellow letters and a creepy, yellow-eyed cat thing.

the cover of my book WereCage. It's purple, with the moon in the top corner, and features a stickman chasing another stickman.

the cover of my book When Demons Drea. It features a pink gradient and a demon stickman with a pitch fork chasing a much smaller stickman.

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Ian Forsooth, I am smitten by your spooky name @ianfortey.bsky.social · 1h

When you've been watching those ultra dirty videos on your phone all night then dawn comes

A weird count chocula cookie with a melted candy eye and another eye stuck in the gooey melted patch on the other side. It's bug-eyed and surprised looking and vaguely creepy

Ian Forsooth, I am smitten by your spooky name @ianfortey.bsky.social · 1h

Yeah, you can't bake them with those eyes on them. Just gotta squish new ones into the melted goo.

My baked Frankenberry and count chocula cookies. I put eyeballs on some new ones but the ones on the left that had eyes on them already melted and are kind of gross and slimy looking

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Ian Forsooth, I am smitten by your spooky name @ianfortey.bsky.social · 1h

Commencing another deeply adult activity.

My Frankenberry and count chocula cookies on parchment paper. For other cookies have candy eyeballs on them. There are 20 of them laid out. None of them look like what they're supposed to look like.

A box of Pillsbury ready to bake monsters sugar cookies that are supposed to be count chocula and Frankenberry, but the actual pictures on the cookies leave something to be designed

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Ian Forsooth, I am smitten by your spooky name @ianfortey.bsky.social · 2h

Singing "Dancing in the Dark" in the dark, on a bench, to my dog. As one does.

Fergus likes the "this guy's for hire" part because he is a rebel at heart.

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Ian Forsooth, I am smitten by your spooky name @ianfortey.bsky.social · 2h

I'm going with vegetarian, not vegan.

Ian Forsooth, I am smitten by your spooky name @ianfortey.bsky.social · 2h

Well it's a weird thing to see.

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Ian Forsooth, I am smitten by your spooky name @ianfortey.bsky.social · 2h

I have an important scientific question. Rabbits are herbivores. Turds are an animal byproduct. My dog likes to eat rabbit turds. Are the rabbit turds that my dog eats technically vegan or not?

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Ian Forsooth, I am smitten by your spooky name @ianfortey.bsky.social · 7h

Have you tried self-righteously shitting your pants about it?

Ian Forsooth, I am smitten by your spooky name @ianfortey.bsky.social · 8h

Wednesday, maybe.

Ian Forsooth, I am smitten by your spooky name @ianfortey.bsky.social · 8h

Forgot to set a reminder.

Ian Forsooth, I am smitten by your spooky name @ianfortey.bsky.social · 8h

It's not a badge, it's a slop stain from all the horseshit dribbling out of your mouth but I can see how you'd make that mistake since overlooking crucial and important details is at the heart of your thesis here.

Ian Forsooth, I am smitten by your spooky name @ianfortey.bsky.social · 8h

This is a good example of stuff I had to write in the past (this ain't mine). It opens by telling you what aluminum foil is. Have you ever thought 'FUCK! WHAT IS THIS SHINY PAPER? WHAT IT DO? WHERE IT FROM? INTERNET HEP! HEP INTERNET!"

No. Goddamn filler.

www.southernliving.com/uses-for-alu...

15 Clever Uses For Aluminum Foil

Aluminum foil is a staple in kitchens across the country. However, many people don't realize that its potential for service goes far beyond covering leftovers.

www.southernliving.com

Ian Forsooth, I am smitten by your spooky name @ianfortey.bsky.social · 8h

I feel so privileged to be part of Sunday Bluesky knowing only 16 people are allowed to be online today.

Ian Forsooth, I am smitten by your spooky name @ianfortey.bsky.social · 8h

The most dangerous groups of animals:

Murder of Crows
Wake of Vultures
Crash of Rhinos
Circle Boot of Tree Frogs
Beatdown of Badgers
Ass Kicking of Ocelots
Bloodbath of Titmice
Professional Hit of Hamsters
Shank of Quokkas
Stabby Stab of Dik-Diks
Knuckle Sandwich of Blobfish
Bashapalooza of Emus

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Ian Forsooth, I am smitten by your spooky name @ianfortey.bsky.social · 9h

Imagine being so rich the newspaper quotes you when your brains dribbles out of your ass.

Sharon @sharonk.bsky.social · 15h

thiel, man, what the fuck are you talking about

He describes the plot of Watchmen, a 1986 graphic novel involving superheroes grappling with moral questions about humanity against the backdrop of impending nuclear war:

The antihero Ozymandias, the antichrist-type figure, is sort of an early-modern person. He believes this will be a timeless and eternal solution – eternal world peace. Moore is sort of a late-modern. In early modernity, you have ideal solutions, ‘perfect’ solutions to calculus. In late modernity, things are sort of probabilistic. And at some point, he asks Dr Manhattan whether the world government is going to last. And he says that ‘nothing lasts forever.’ So you embrace the antichrist and it still doesn’t work.

Thiel later finds biblical meaning in the manga One Piece, discussing how he believes it represents a future where an antichrist-like one-world government has repressed science. He believes that the hero, Monkey D Luffy, represents a Christlike figure.

In One Piece, you are set in a fantasy world, again sort of an alternate earth, but it’s 800 years into the reign of this one-world state. Which, as the story unfolds, gradually gets darker and darker. You sort of realize, in my interpretation, who runs the world and it’s something like the antichrist. There’s Luffy, a pirate who wears a red straw hat, sort of like Christ’s crown of thorns. And then towards the end of the story, transforms into a figure who resembles Christ in Revelation.

Thiel, along with a researcher and writer at Thiel Capital, explored these ideas at greater length in an essay for the religious journal First Things earlier this month.

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Ian Forsooth, I am smitten by your spooky name @ianfortey.bsky.social · 9h

*showing Billy Corgan footage of a research lab*

So you see, Billy, the enraged rats have never been any better at getting out of their cages than the happy ones. Can you tell me *why* you thought they would have better luck?

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Ian Forsooth, I am smitten by your spooky name @ianfortey.bsky.social · 10h

Did you know that they used to make ice cream out of whale poop? And that you still can?? I wrote about it!

www.tastingtable.com/1989423/whal...

Whale Poop Was An Original Mix-In For The World's Oldest Ice Cream Flavor - Tasting Table

Ambergris is a kind of rare musky-tasting whale poop found in the sea that was in some ice cream recipes in the 1600s, and continued to be there into the 1800s.

www.tastingtable.com

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Ian Forsooth, I am smitten by your spooky name @ianfortey.bsky.social · 10h

I really hope BlueSky manages to fix its problems and thrive because I finally made it here. Yesterday, someone responded to a joke I made by telling me to release the Epstein files. Is there any greater sign of success than a stranger replying to one of your posts with that?

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Ian Forsooth, I am smitten by your spooky name @ianfortey.bsky.social · 11h

I'm no expert but maybe they lost a few dollars on casting Jared Leto, who is to film what a wiry pube with a plump lil follicle attached is to the top of your soup at a restaurant.

Variety @variety.com · 12h

Disney’s sci-fi sequel “Tron: Ares” opened to a disappointing $33.5 million this weekend, falling short of projections of $45 million to $50 million.

For comparison, 2010’s “Tron: Legacy” debuted to $44 million (not adjusted for inflation).

variety.com/2025/film/bo...

Reposted by Ian Forsooth, I am smitten by your spooky name

meliss-AAAH! @mel.bzky.team · 12h

good afternoon

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Ian Forsooth, I am smitten by your spooky name @ianfortey.bsky.social · 11h

This was a great story, but I think the best part was that they had a little room off to the side of their felonious, literally underground movie theater, for making couscous. What they were doing was illegal only in the sense that they hadn't asked permission but otherwise it was arguably wholesome

the babahuck @tylerhuckabee.bsky.social · 13h

In 2004, Parisian police were conducting a training exercise in the french catacombs and found, after moving past a desk and a tape playing audio of snarling dogs, a fully functional movie theater and bar. When they returned 3 days later, the equipment was gone, with a note: “Do not try to find us.”

Members of the force's sports squad, responsible
- among other tasks - for policing the 170 miles of tunnels, caves, galleries and catacombs that underlie large parts of Paris, stumbled on the complex while on a training exercise beneath the Palais de Chaillot, across the Seine from the Eiffel Tower.
After entering the network through a drain next to the Trocadero, the officers came across a tarpaulin marked: Building site, No access.
Behind that, a tunnel held a desk and a closed-circuit TV camera set to automatically record images of anyone passing. The mechanism also triggered a tape of dogs barking, "clearly designed to frighten people off," the spokesman said.
Further along, the tunnel opened into a vast 400 sq metre cave some 18m underground, "like an underground amphitheatre, with terraces cut into the rock and chairs".

There the police found a full-sized cinema screen, projection equipment, and tapes of a wide variety of films, including 1950s film noir classics and more recent thrillers. None of the films were banned or even offensive, the spokesman said.
A smaller cave next door had been turned into an informal restaurant and bar. "There were bottles of whisky and other spirits behind a bar, tables and chairs, a pressure-cooker for making couscous," the spokesman said.
"The whole thing ran off a professionally installed electricity system and there were at least three phone lines down there."
Three days later, when the police returned accompanied by experts from the French electricity board to see where the power was coming from, the phone and electricity lines had been cut and a note was lying in the middle of the floor: "Do not," it said, "try to find us."

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Ian Forsooth, I am smitten by your spooky name @ianfortey.bsky.social · 11h

I assume it was that plus the constant spin-offs. I legitimately had no idea the original series ever stopped.

Ian Forsooth, I am smitten by your spooky name @ianfortey.bsky.social · 11h

Holy shit, it was off TV for 11 years?

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Ian Forsooth, I am smitten by your spooky name @ianfortey.bsky.social · 12h

Wait. They stopped making Law and Order long enough to reboot Law and Order?

Nina Metz @ninametz.bsky.social · 12h

The reboot of “Law & Order” is a Temu version of the show

The original (the first 20 seasons!) stands the test of time, whereas the reboot plays like a cheap knockoff relying on empty tension to fill in the gaps. A tremendous bummer!

My newsletter this week is an in-depth compare & contrast

Why is the reboot of “Law & Order” so bad?

It’s as if everyone forgot how to make the show.

buttondown.com

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Ian Forsooth, I am smitten by your spooky name @ianfortey.bsky.social · 12h

Oh, yes please.