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the unraveling of puptheGHOUL @girlthing.bsky.social · 48m

idk if you can tell but i’m doing very poorly haha anyway time to go to sleep and have the same night terror i’ve had for 30 years or so where i end up in a psychoreactive voidsea of total darkness that sounds like this

Nurse Piper

YouTube video by TaintedTownMusic

youtu.be

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the unraveling of puptheGHOUL @girlthing.bsky.social · 1h

absolutely insane to think there’s multiple people my body has fucked that i’m not even 100% sure about cause i was asleep at the time lol

the unraveling of puptheGHOUL @girlthing.bsky.social · 1h

the power of two xanax can’t knock me out for too long even. i used to take ambien but that made Dark Dimension viola manifest and start sleep driving and hooking up with people and shit while i was fully unconscious. one time i woke up in my suitcase

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the unraveling of puptheGHOUL @girlthing.bsky.social · 1h

i have to wake up in 4 hours. you know maybe part of my being fully insane is getting 1-4 hours of sleep every night for the past 25 years that probably hasn’t been great.

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the unraveling of puptheGHOUL @girlthing.bsky.social · 1h

yeah both of those terms are a bit 😬 imo lol

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the unraveling of puptheGHOUL @girlthing.bsky.social · 1h

did they really have to call it that man i really don’t like talking about this shit cause they called it that

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the unraveling of puptheGHOUL @girlthing.bsky.social · 1h

ouch!

Covert incest is described as occurring when a parent is unable or unwilling to maintain a relationship with another adult and forces the emotional role of a spouse onto their child instead. I31 The child's needs are ignored and instead the relationship exists solely to meet the needs of the parent 11 [61 and the adult may not be aware of the problems created by their actions. (10]

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the unraveling of puptheGHOUL @girlthing.bsky.social · 1h

anyway i hate being a net negative yet that’s all i have ever been despite desperate attempts to be otherwise

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the unraveling of puptheGHOUL @girlthing.bsky.social · 1h

just a burden. i literally tried dying, twice, rather than ask for help back when my finances got fucked up in 2009. i always claimed im too proud to ask for help but really im just too scared that asking for help would make me not worth keeping around anymore

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the unraveling of puptheGHOUL @girlthing.bsky.social · 1h

it sucks feeling like if i’m not actively useful to the people around me then i should just not exist. i was told at the age of 5 that i was the man of the house and how i needed to be responsible and be productive to the household once my parents divorced. if i wasnt earning or producing i was—

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the unraveling of puptheGHOUL @girlthing.bsky.social · 1h

anyone rocking an open swastika is getting a taste of my baton right to the kneecap ngl

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Reposted by the unraveling of puptheGHOUL

don't hug me I'm porksweats @porksweats.bsky.social · 2h

autumn is specifically for listening to broken social scene and all their offshoots, stars especially

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the unraveling of puptheGHOUL @girlthing.bsky.social · 2h

ur the only other person i see talk about stars nowadays besides me and my gf zoey, great band

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the unraveling of puptheGHOUL @girlthing.bsky.social · 2h

very frequently i’ll go “yeah idk my dad wasn’t that bad he just was emotionally stunted by his dad dying when he was 16” and then people will go “he literally kicked you out of the house and made you and your mother homeless at the age of 5” and i go “oh yeah that’s pretty not great”

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the unraveling of puptheGHOUL @girlthing.bsky.social · 2h

or maybe it’s just my fault idk

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the unraveling of puptheGHOUL @girlthing.bsky.social · 2h

gee viola maybe you think ur a net negative on the lives of everyone you know because my entire childhood was my mother using me as an emotional surrogate for an adult relationship and telling me just how bad our financial situation was and how my dad didn’t want to pay for my dr bills

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the unraveling of puptheGHOUL @girlthing.bsky.social · 2h

this is why i refuse to accept help from people btw cause “help” = swapping one kind of debt for another, there’s never been “help”

the unraveling of puptheGHOUL @girlthing.bsky.social · 2h

had 3 jobs in high school. paid for my own car, had to pay my mom back for my bankruptcy lawyer after my suicide attempt. had to pay back rent any time i had a mental break down and lost my job. paid back my own loans after failing out of college twice.

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the unraveling of puptheGHOUL @girlthing.bsky.social · 2h

had 3 jobs in high school. paid for my own car, had to pay my mom back for my bankruptcy lawyer after my suicide attempt. had to pay back rent any time i had a mental break down and lost my job. paid back my own loans after failing out of college twice.

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the unraveling of puptheGHOUL @girlthing.bsky.social · 2h

sometimes i think about how my mom took all the treasury bonds that i received when i was born and cashed and used them without telling me. and when i was an adult and asked about my bonds went “yeah i used those to keep you housed as a child sorry no im not giving you the equivalent value”

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the unraveling of puptheGHOUL @girlthing.bsky.social · 2h

what i’m saying is one day im going to snap and throw them down 4 flights of stairs

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the unraveling of puptheGHOUL @girlthing.bsky.social · 2h

me: i wonder why my mental state is getting worse and im never rested
my upstairs neighbors: playing with their dogs at midnight, dropping extremely heavy objects directly above my bedroom 7 times a night triggering trauma responses from me, playing a drumset in a nyc apartment

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the unraveling of puptheGHOUL @girlthing.bsky.social · 2h

idk i have literally no memories of ever not feeling this way so i guess that makes it super easy to tune out, which is really really sad to say out loud but ehhh it is what it is lol

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the unraveling of puptheGHOUL @girlthing.bsky.social · 2h

also having ur permanent drug induced psychosis and schizophrenia manifest a protector alter that will assume direct control and preserve your life at all costs, up to and including performing unspeakable violence on others if need be

the unraveling of puptheGHOUL @girlthing.bsky.social · 2h

the secret to never kms’ing in minecraft is wanting to be dead every waking and sleeping moment since the age of 5 so you don’t even feel it anymore, make it so omnipresent that you just go “yeah yeah you wanna die get in the car and go to work bitch”

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the unraveling of puptheGHOUL @girlthing.bsky.social · 2h

the secret to never kms’ing in minecraft is wanting to be dead every waking and sleeping moment since the age of 5 so you don’t even feel it anymore, make it so omnipresent that you just go “yeah yeah you wanna die get in the car and go to work bitch”

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Reposted by the unraveling of puptheGHOUL

Gretchen Felker-Martin 🍉 @scumbelievable.bsky.social · 16h

I think a political party that can't even commit to disbanding ICE, expanding the supreme court, or defending the most vulnerable people in the country is so fatally compromised that it has to be destroyed

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