caiman
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gharial.bsky.social
caiman
@gharial.bsky.social
83 followers 280 following 740 posts
18+ space. 30. bugs will be dogs and dogs will be bugs and boys will be dogs and bugs and we all eat the rot we are the rot but we live
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yeah my opinion is that it doesnt generally actually matter what order you read something in, the information eventually becomes a nonlinear network of associations. so the actual definitive reading order of anything is
1. release order
2. then go back and reread any parts you really like
autobiographical fiction, "jk... unless...", dreams, ghost stories, the kinds of jokes a really depressed person makes, tears of a clown, unreliable narrators, wearing a mask in the shape of your own face
the idea that a creative reading order will get you closest to "the truth" of a text is really funny to me, almost mystical, esoteric
anything other than release order, for anything, I cant take seriously as "definitive"-- but they can be fun as a "look what this does to the series, look at what meanings emerge when you make these parts speak to each other". it's like collage, or blackout poetry, bricolage
that identification with oppressors/superego-- it cant be eliminated, but it can be approached with humour and play in order to subvert its power over your real beliefs and actions. and the id is a powerful and necessary force in one's life-- it cares for you, deeply. but it cant make complex plans
while that final option might lay the foundation for real liberation, a life in a paradigm that doesn't try to destroy you, the process of getting there doesn't feel free hardly ever. it takes a ton of mental discipline to keep hatred and derision from destroying your delicate, nascent reality
loss of control can mean psychotically identifying with one's oppressor, temporary relief from feeling like a victim, at the expense of so much else. it can mean surrender to id, cumming, eating, fighting, fleeing. or it can mean the brave work of creating a new ego, way of being, thinking, art
I'm not insane in any way that makes sense. my sensory anomalies might be autistic. my surreality a feature of living under reality-making regimes which fundamentally misunderstand my life. im desperate for freedom-- to "lose control"
sometimes I think it's the responsibility to perform sanity that makes me so depressed
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Seasonal frolicking 🐺🎃💦
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Forgot I saw this behind a bar the other night
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Reposted by caiman
Werewolf Wednesday again. The flowers: Hemlock, Belladonna, and poppies, are some of the purported toxic/hallucinogenic herbs to rub all over yourself as a salve to transform. So get on that. It’s just about time.
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saying something unfair or untrue doesn't make someone a liar, grifter, abuser, it's human. but pretending to be superior to everyone else, putting your every grievance into the most extreme moral rhetoric available, minimizing the harm of your actions, pouncing on others' weaknesses... I see it
we are all very scared we'll be betrayed. but we set ourselves up to feel that way when we think someone is perfect to start with. i fear being in relation with people, but I'm starting to trust that I'll notice when they say something that doesnt make sense, or seem fair, or true
critical thought can never be discarded, but we can pair it with grace, love, trust, the courage to name harm in our lives, to say how things make us feel, to be available to be wrong sometimes yourself.
some ideologies are truer than others, but adhering to one doesn't make any particular thing you say more likely to be true. it just means you're speaking in terms more likely to sound true to ppl who share your ideology. the affects of paranoia, solipsism, and apocalypticism are dominating us all
people grift and abuse and elevate themselves over others using whatever tools they have at hand, they justify with what rhetoric they have; we follow along out of fear (justified or not) and when we see a chance to get our own grift on. we stop it when we care, and think we have the power to do so