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哥哥 enjoyer, 白泽 knower @gegeenthusiast.bsky.social · 11h

Honestly what I felt mostly was like just this........ sad disappointment and hopelessness rjthklsjerh
like damn... what am I, chopped liver.... can't even have a change of clothes

they're not beating those i'm adopted "jokes" my sister used to make as kids thats for sure

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哥哥 enjoyer, 白泽 knower @gegeenthusiast.bsky.social · 11h

almost no reception, low batt and nothing else for ANY activity... the wait was so painful for my brain I spent half of it crashing out

Then I found out that mom didn't pack all the clothes I set aside (packed tgt to save space) so I only had one set... for 3 days... and couldn't change after hike

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哥哥 enjoyer, 白泽 knower @gegeenthusiast.bsky.social · 11h

at like the low portion of this mountain for half a day or sth maybe picnicking
I ended up calling it a day at the first base bc I didn't wanna pass out and be a medical emergency
Everyone (mom sis + uncle's fam) went "ok just go back to basecamp and wait"

well they made me wait 7 hours alone with

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哥哥 enjoyer, 白泽 knower @gegeenthusiast.bsky.social · 11h

thankfully my sis no longer has that kinda hold over what I'm allowed to be, but the hurt that I had over that weekend was a leftover of how everyone capitulated bc it was easier for them 😔

basically what happened was though from the start I planned with my uncle that we'll just spend some time

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哥哥 enjoyer, 白泽 knower @gegeenthusiast.bsky.social · 12h

Though the fact that I only found out because I made a pit stop to get wet cat food and got a pouch specifically for him so we can give him some more immunity boosters mixed in and was telling my mom about it sucked

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哥哥 enjoyer, 白泽 knower @gegeenthusiast.bsky.social · 12h

The only barely okay thing about finding out that Kiwi is properly Gone now is that I found out about it today instead of on my birthday

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哥哥 enjoyer, 白泽 knower @gegeenthusiast.bsky.social · 1d

ME????? IM TOO MUCH OF A PUSSY i run crying at like . Minecraft when playing alone

I watched the lp of that doctor guy though!!! no the person is actually just also a doctor

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哥哥 enjoyer, 白泽 knower @gegeenthusiast.bsky.social · 1d

go forth my onion......

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哥哥 enjoyer, 白泽 knower @gegeenthusiast.bsky.social · 2d

dati--

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哥哥 enjoyer, 白泽 knower @gegeenthusiast.bsky.social · 3d

im sorry its about these truly hilariously godawful tiger statues we have in spades
youtube.com/shorts/m4WE1...

patung harimau malaya, lagu harimau malaya

YouTube video by CIVET MOUNT

youtube.com

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哥哥 enjoyer, 白泽 knower @gegeenthusiast.bsky.social · 3d

i didknot know vaseline counted as a fruiy

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Reposted by 哥哥 enjoyer, 白泽 knower

kum @notturnito.bsky.social · 3d

diriku bukan istrinya juga udah nyerah ngeliat dia

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哥哥 enjoyer, 白泽 knower @gegeenthusiast.bsky.social · 3d

jiangdong shuangbi x harimau malaya memes

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哥哥 enjoyer, 白泽 knower @gegeenthusiast.bsky.social · 3d

"sereal apa yang paling tua umurnya? koko krunch, soalnya dia kan koko ☺️✨️"

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哥哥 enjoyer, 白泽 knower @gegeenthusiast.bsky.social · 3d

wang zhaojun sticker thats like "makanan makanan apa yang paling alim? tahu sutra"

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哥哥 enjoyer, 白泽 knower @gegeenthusiast.bsky.social · 3d

maybe later i can do some wangchuan stickers or memos or sth for all 3 of us playing here.....

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哥哥 enjoyer, 白泽 knower @gegeenthusiast.bsky.social · 3d

nyerah gak sih klo gw jadi dia
gak ada angin gak ada ujan dia udah di depan pintu Xiang Yu walaupun hanya untuk mipisin bunga2 istrinya

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哥哥 enjoyer, 白泽 knower @gegeenthusiast.bsky.social · 3d

🫂🫂

Yeah 😔 I've actually known to a degree that good things happening is a trigger for twicefold the mental backlash so I grew up learning to be avoidant of seeking positive things or hoping anything works out wheezes

It's ridiculous
But I couldn't even get good grades without Sis crashing out 💀

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哥哥 enjoyer, 白泽 knower @gegeenthusiast.bsky.social · 3d

I guess that's depressing

哥哥 enjoyer, 白泽 knower @gegeenthusiast.bsky.social · 3d

Anyhow I guess that explains why I'm drawn to specific spiritual worldviews when I'm otherwise agnostic

It's not even that all is suffering or anything

Just that good and bad are always the same coin to me that there's no differentiating them...

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哥哥 enjoyer, 白泽 knower @gegeenthusiast.bsky.social · 3d

Experiencing positive things or emotions is just so closely intertwined with negative events for me that I have never really been able to feel happy
wipes face

There's no "going far back enough in my life" to find a point where I was capable of that

哥哥 enjoyer, 白泽 knower @gegeenthusiast.bsky.social · 3d

Or when I was like 4 years old and I really liked my dolls and because of that my sister just... yanno. Took a scissors and mutilated some of it......

And obviously I wasn't allowed to be upset about it because it's just doll hair

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哥哥 enjoyer, 白泽 knower @gegeenthusiast.bsky.social · 3d

hijacking and commandeering what we were supposed to do after to """celebrate"""
Which was doing everything that she wanted even when I said I didn't want to do that

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哥哥 enjoyer, 白泽 knower @gegeenthusiast.bsky.social · 3d

Like..... despite the achievement that is getting a 3.57 gpa in biomedical engineering while perpetually tethering over death's door
All I remember of my university graduation was my sister mocking how I looked in the graduation toga (that I have no say over) at least 6 times in 2 hours and then

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哥哥 enjoyer, 白泽 knower @gegeenthusiast.bsky.social · 3d

Thinking back on it honestly it's soul crushing to realize that I was raised from a small child to always accept that any moment of personal joy will be ruined and pissed on and I will be mocked and made to regret grieving over it

I've lost all my life milestones to jealousy-borne mockery and spite

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