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Paula - Defend Survivors @defendsurvivors.bsky.social · 3h

“The words family preservation should never be used to justify abuse.
When we allow perpetrators to twist its meaning, we harm the very people it was designed to protect.”

open.substack.com/pub/defendsu...

When “Family Preservation” Is Twisted by Perpetrators

True family preservation is about resourcing and supporting loving, protective families — not forcing children into unsafe environments in the name of “contact.”

open.substack.com

Paula - Defend Survivors @defendsurvivors.bsky.social · 1d

“Being believed should never be a “gift.” It should be your right. And beyond that right, you are worthy of more—so much more. You deserve a community that not only acknowledges your truth but actively protects and honors you.”

open.substack.com/pub/defendsu...

Paula - Defend Survivors @defendsurvivors.bsky.social · 1d

It’s horrific when someone goes missing and family has to search and wonder if they’re okay. But this is everyday for adoptees - except no one is helping us look. Instead we are looking for answers easily known and often concealed by others. #adopteevoices

Paula - Defend Survivors @defendsurvivors.bsky.social · 1d

If you’re meeting your adopted child’s curiosity with punishment or their questions with shame or guilt - you’re an abuser. #adopteevoices

Paula - Defend Survivors @defendsurvivors.bsky.social · 1d

My mother doesn’t know her grandchildren and my children don’t know their grandmother all because of a system that supposedly brings families together but actually breaks them apart.
#adopteerights #adopteevoices

Paula - Defend Survivors @defendsurvivors.bsky.social · 1d

“The fact that they are a parent makes their crimes more heinous, not more excusable.”

open.substack.com/pub/defendsu...

When “Family Preservation” Is Twisted by Perpetrators

True family preservation is about resourcing and supporting loving, protective families — not forcing children into unsafe environments in the name of “contact.”

open.substack.com

Paula - Defend Survivors @defendsurvivors.bsky.social · 2d

“Family preservation means families should be supported and resourced to care for their children and stay together.
It means that when mothers, fathers, or caregivers are loving and safe, they should be helped — not punished — for struggling.”
open.substack.com/pub/defendsu...

Paula - Defend Survivors @defendsurvivors.bsky.social · 2d

If a mother decides not to parent because she lacks resources then she should be supported and resourced - not have the child’s life permanently changed. It’s not giving a child a better life if it means taking away their mother that loves them. That’s cruel - not beautiful. #adopteevoices

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Paula - Defend Survivors @defendsurvivors.bsky.social · 2d

If a mother decides she does not want to parent that means that child needs alternative care, not that the child should have their identity and family changed and erased. Loving that child means loving who they are - not changing them.
#childwelfare #adopteevoices

Paula - Defend Survivors @defendsurvivors.bsky.social · 2d

A year into reunion and what I know is that adoption is trauma. It severed relationships that should’ve never been severed and irrevocably changed my life, my mother’s life, and my children’s lives. It’s not okay and everything about how we care for children needs to change. #adopteevoices

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Paula - Defend Survivors @defendsurvivors.bsky.social · 2d

New blog!
“Family preservation means caring for children and keeping loving families together — not harming children by enabling their abuser.”

open.substack.com/pub/defendsu...

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Paula - Defend Survivors @defendsurvivors.bsky.social · 3d

Forgiveness is often touted as a humble act of grace but many actually use it to feel superior and ‘more evolved’.

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Paula - Defend Survivors @defendsurvivors.bsky.social · 3d

Adoption does not mean the child will have a better life just a different one. For many of us different did not mean better. #adopteevoices

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Paula - Defend Survivors @defendsurvivors.bsky.social · 4d

Having to ‘walk on eggshells’ to avoid upsetting someone is a sign of an abusive relationship. Many adoptees feel this way when dealing with their adoptive parents and their biological families. That’s abuse not love. #adopteevoices

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Paula - Defend Survivors @defendsurvivors.bsky.social · 4d

If an adoptive parents gets upset when their adopted child talks about, spends time with, or looks for their biological family - that’s coercive control not love. #coercivecontrol #adopteevoices

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Paula - Defend Survivors @defendsurvivors.bsky.social · 4d

Did you know that adoptees have two birth certificates — the original and a fake one? When states seal our original birth certificates, they’re not protecting anyone. They’re hiding the truth. Everyone has a right to their identity. #adopteerights

youtube.com/shorts/etQzM...

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Paula - Defend Survivors @defendsurvivors.bsky.social · 4d

Perpetrators try to use the family preservation movement to further their access to abuse their children. But it’s the exact opposite. Family preservation means protecting children from abusers. Anyone that abuses their child is a perpetrator not a parent. #familypreservation

Paula - Defend Survivors @defendsurvivors.bsky.social · 4d

“One person did know I was adopted that wasn’t supposed to know, and she’s the person who called me that day. Everyone was furious with her for ‘hurting’ me by telling me the truth, but they never acknowledged how much they hurt me by lying to me” #adoptee open.substack.com/pub/defendsu...

My Adoption Journey As A Late Discovery Adoptee

I can’t describe how devastating and traumatic it is to not only learn you are adopted, but also that you’ve been lied to your whole life.

open.substack.com

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Paula - Defend Survivors @defendsurvivors.bsky.social · 6d

You have the right to write about your story without having the “I’ve forgiven” “I’ve healed” or “I’m a better person because of it” - none of that is needed. Your story and your pain matters. You don’t have to put a shiny ending to it for it to matter. #youmatter

Paula - Defend Survivors @defendsurvivors.bsky.social · 6d

Adoptive parents always say they love their adopted child like their own but if they truly did then they would care about that child knowing their identity and biological family just like the parents would with their biological children. #adopteevoices

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Paula - Defend Survivors @defendsurvivors.bsky.social · 6d

Children in need of external care need people to come into their life who respect them - not pity them. No one should agree to care for a child because they feel sorry for them. Children don’t need ‘pity parents’ - that creates a debt the child never owed. #adopteevoices

Paula - Defend Survivors @defendsurvivors.bsky.social · 7d

The first thing my uncle said to me when I met him was that a few years later they regretted what happened and “would never have given that baby away” and would’ve found a way to work it out. That meant so much to me. Adoption is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. #adopteevoices

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Paula - Defend Survivors @defendsurvivors.bsky.social · 8d

I got to spend the most wonderful week with my mom living in her house. I feel like I got to live my ‘ghost kingdom’ and it was beautiful.
#adopteevoices

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Paula - Defend Survivors @defendsurvivors.bsky.social · 8d

“Your light may irritate a lot of unhealed people” …or your self righteousness may irritate everyone.

Please stop using ‘healing messages’ to pit survivors against each other.
#respectsurvivors

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Paula - Defend Survivors @defendsurvivors.bsky.social · 8d

“After abuse and trauma, it seems like everyone suddenly believes they are the expert—on abuse, on trauma, on what you should have done, and on what you should do now. But the truth is, they don’t. Their advice comes from their own perspective—not yours.“

open.substack.com/pub/defendsu...

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