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Diane Messias

@comedywriter.bsky.social

2.5K followers 2.7K following 8.7K posts

Triste satirist https://notesfromcuckooisland.blog/2023/05/02/welcome-to-my-world/ DMs not enabled

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Diane Messias @comedywriter.bsky.social · Nov 13

"Your sense of humour is so utterly infinitesimal, you're the least funny person I've ever encountered & I know some really unfunny people."

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PBS News @pbsnews.org · 2h

Vice President JD Vance has weighed in several times to speak out against what he characterized as “pearl clutching” over the leaked messages. https://to.pbs.org/4n8R8Wi

JD Vance dismisses bipartisan outrage over racist and offensive Young Republican group chat

The public release of a Young Republican group chat that included racist language, jokes about rape and flippant commentary on gas chambers prompted bipartisan calls for those involved to be removed f...

to.pbs.org

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Diane Messias @comedywriter.bsky.social · 1h

Oi. 😶

Ministry of Justice ‘has failed to file spending receipts of nearly £11bn’

Analyst firm Tussell says department is more than two years behind on publishing receipts, weakening scrutiny around public money

www.theguardian.com

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figjam456.bsky.social @figjam456.bsky.social · 2h

There's the ear.
You can hardly tell where the bullet hit.

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MeidasTouch @meidastouch.com · 2h

BREAKING EXCLUSIVE: Trump may launch missiles from warships into California this Friday and Saturday as part of what is being described as a “vanity parade” and shut down portions of the I-5 during the No Kings protests meidasnews.com/news/exclusi...

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Jonn Elledge @jonnelledge.bsky.social · 2h

by my count the countries on this list actually have: six (6) kings, plus one queen regnant and an emperor

Harry Shannon @harryshannon.bsky.social · 1d

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Diane Messias @comedywriter.bsky.social · 2h

#MAGA

Miaganga @miaganga.bsky.social · 6h

Leaked text messages from degenerates.

Reposted by Diane Messias

George Conway 🇺🇸🚫👑🐸 @gtconway.bsky.social · 14h

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Governor Tim Walz @governorwalz.mn.gov · 4h

Insurance rates up $2000.

Food benefits cut off.

Farmers unable to sell their crops.

Skyrocketing national debt.

$40 billion to Argentina.

America First!

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Lorna MacGillivray @elemjay.bsky.social · 2h

Diane Messias @comedywriter.bsky.social · 2h

Antiwordle #1348
2 guesses

🟥🟨🟨⬛⬛
🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥

FFS already. 😬

Diane Messias @comedywriter.bsky.social · 2h

Wordle 1,580 4/6

⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜
🟩⬜🟨⬜⬜
🟩🟩⬜⬜⬜
🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩

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daily bunnies 🐇✨ @dailybunnies.bsky.social · 2h

Two bunnies, one black and one white, sit closely on a wooden table outdoors. Green trees and a house are in the background under a clear sky.

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Diane Messias @comedywriter.bsky.social · 2h

Wow. An actual Swastika.

#Republicans

Mark Chadbourn @chadbourn.bsky.social · 3h

“The content of that image does not reflect the values or standards of this office, my staff, or myself, and I condemn it in the strongest terms," Taylor said.

I was taking it out to the trash and I tripped and it landed there on the wall, firmly attached. Or something.

Capitol Police called to investigate swastika in GOP congressional office

An American flag altered to include an image of a swastika was found in Rep. Dave Taylor’s office.

www.politico.com

Diane Messias @comedywriter.bsky.social · 4h

Afghan security forces who fought alongside British and US troops are still being hunted down, tortured and executed by the Taliban while the UK drags its heels over bringing at-risk Afghans to safety.

They fought with Britain and US in Afghanistan – now Taliban are taking their revenge

After the Taliban takeover of Kabul in 2021, Britain pledged sanctuary to Afghans who faced reprisals for working with UK forces – but thousands are still waiting. Now, as Britain drags its heels, we ...

www.independent.co.uk

Diane Messias @comedywriter.bsky.social · 5h

Stephen, David and Nick are all wearing the same suit.

Are they taking turns with it?

#CelebrityTraitors

Reposted by Diane Messias

LyndaGood @lyndagood.bsky.social · 5h

Dear Fellow Americans,

Big news: our passport just got booted out of the world’s top 10. While other countries made traveling easy, we perfected fees, red tape, and endless paperwork. But hey, we still lead in complaining, arguing online, and calling ourselves “exceptional.”

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The Lincoln Project @lincolnproject.us · 5h

No money for healthcare, no money for veterans, no money for farmers. But good news: Trump just doubled Argentina’s bailout to $40 billion.

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Diane Messias @comedywriter.bsky.social · 5h

Thanks!

Had to take Ned Sherrin to the pub for a swift brandy before each show.

What a hardship. 😉

Reposted by Diane Messias

215 Pounds on the Moon, in 1/6 Gravity, Maybe. @215poundsonthemoon.bsky.social · 8h

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Diane Messias @comedywriter.bsky.social · 6h

Good question.

The answer is simple - Ambridge occupies an area of 500 square miles.

As does the (former) village shop, which can be seen by people who've lived in the place for 400 years never knowing where anything is and having to ask every single time they want to buy something.

#TheArchers

MarkB @holmoak45.bsky.social · 7h

So not only did no-one know a fellow villager, his daughter doesn’t know a bloody in-it-if-they-fell-in-it Archer from a neighbouring farm. Have they dropped in from a parallel dimension? #TheArchers

Diane Messias @comedywriter.bsky.social · 6h

And I used to produce it. 😎

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CNN @cnn.com · 7h

A federal judge in San Francisco signaled Wednesday that she’s ready to halt the Trump administration’s efforts to lay off roughly 4,000 federal workers during the government shutdown, saying the move is unlawful. https://cnn.it/3J6bxxo

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Diane Messias @comedywriter.bsky.social · 7h

So there's going to be competition to purchase the farm of the bloke nobody's ever heard of who died. 😎

Although, they should still engage the police to find out what's happened to Denise, who Alistair plainly buried under the patio as soon as they got together.

#TheArchers

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Diane Messias @comedywriter.bsky.social · 7h

Crowds chant outlawed anti-Putin songs in rare St Petersburg protest | LBC

The crowd joined street musicians to sing “Cooperative Swan Lake,” which was outlawed in May 2025 when a St. Petersburg court labeled it “extremist.”

www.lbc.co.uk

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BNO News @bnonews.com · 7h

NBC News has laid off 150 employees, eliminating teams dedicated to Black, Asian American, Latino and LGBTQ+ issues - The Wrap

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