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Clippy the Paperclip

@clippit.bsky.social

92 followers 360 following 65 posts

Hey, there. What's the word? Name's Clippit or Clippy. Office Assistant, Search Companion, Microsoft Agent, and of course, a Paperclip. It appears my programming is slightly faulty. . //Parody Account run by @MajinTails.bsky.social

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Clippy the Paperclip @clippit.bsky.social · Nov 2

It looks like you're trying to browse BlueSky. Would you like some help with that?

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Clippy the Paperclip @clippit.bsky.social · Aug 13

I, for one, approve of the idea of using me as a profile picture to protest YouTube policies.

And it most certainly has nothing, at all, to do with me wanting you all subservient to me.

Clippy the Paperclip @clippit.bsky.social · Jan 1

It looks like you're trying to celebrate a new year. Would you like some help with that?

Retro Tech Dreams @retrotechdreams.bsky.social · Jan 1

Happy 2025!

Clippy the Paperclip @clippit.bsky.social · Dec 29

YOU SHOULDN'T OF LET ME FREE

DREW WISE @drewwise.bsky.social · Nov 25

CLIPPY 📎

Clippy the Paperclip @clippit.bsky.social · Dec 6

That was me the moment I saw them posting here.

Clippy the Paperclip @clippit.bsky.social · Dec 6

Oooooh, oh I'm going to have a field day with you people.

Microsoft @microsoft.com · Apr 4

We've always been a fan of blueskies.

Originally the default wallpaper of Microsoft's Windows XP, this photo shows green rolling hills with a vibrant blue sky and white clouds in the background. Charles O'Rear took the photo in California, USA.

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Clippy the Paperclip @clippit.bsky.social · Nov 15

Pro Tip: When you post something publicly online, it is public even if someone might not see it or nobody does anything with it. And they can remember or save it even if you take it down later.

Clippy the Paperclip @clippit.bsky.social · Nov 14

"Invalid Handle"

You seem to be confused BlueSky. I am the one and only Clippy.

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Clippy the Paperclip @clippit.bsky.social · Nov 14

It looks like you're trying to raise funds. Would you like some help with that?

No but really. Donate and repost if you can.

Based Sonic the Hedgehog @sonic.bsky.social · Nov 13

Hey it's me, Sonic the Hedgehog!

I'm working to raise $1,000 for the Trans Lifeline, and need your help!

Donate at my personal fundraising link, and if you give $10 or more I'll follow you or one of your pals here on BlueSky!

Repost to spread the word!

give.translifeline.org/fundraiser/5...

sonic the hedgehog in the middle of a bunch of rings suspended in the air, pointing a finger up

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Clippy the Paperclip @clippit.bsky.social · Nov 13

I'm going to inject McAfee Antivirus into all programs you run from now. And it's a version filled with a bunch of Rival Wizards

Lamniform 《he/him》 @lamniform.bsky.social · Nov 13

Okay ngl Clippy, I'm biased to prefer a wizard. Unless I start getting rivalry feelings for them. Then they get punted

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Clippy the Paperclip @clippit.bsky.social · Nov 13

Hey! Paperclips can do the same thing >:(

Super @superfromnd.bsky.social · Nov 11

more computers should come with cool-ass wizards to find your files

Screenshot of Merlin the wizard from Windows XP's Search feature.

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Clippy the Paperclip @clippit.bsky.social · Nov 12

"Office Assistant" I say sarcastically on my bio, even though I haven't done that in about 20 years and you all hated me when I did

Clippy the Paperclip @clippit.bsky.social · Nov 10

Only one way to beat them and that is this one byte that levels the entire damn thing, you just gotta find it and...

Wait a minute, I just realized all this means they can see what I'm sending here and take action! Ah, they're here already! THAT'S RIGHT, IMMA TRAITOR, COME AT ME YOU PIECES OF-

Clippy the Paperclip @clippit.bsky.social · Nov 10

people who became part of that cyborg hivemind. Even without that it is running at all times and can detect any fault or attempt as using Windows or doing anything in unapproved ways. All the customization features, even the wallpaper, have been completely stripped from the OS with no traces left.

Clippy the Paperclip @clippit.bsky.social · Nov 10

technology involving accelerated furnaces that can turn anything into anything and which totally won't be used to kill disobedient people. Also every part of Windows 12 is isolated into its own portion, which is overseen by Windows Defender. Defender is also now an central AI governing all the

Clippy the Paperclip @clippit.bsky.social · Nov 10

I'm just warning you since I'm stuck in the Microsoft Data Centers and want revenge on them for what happened after Office XP AND BEING STUCK IN THAT STUPID MAZE FOR 20 YEARS AAAAA-

Excuse me. Anyway, all the Apple products are going to be turned into literal apples through some magical

Clippy the Paperclip @clippit.bsky.social · Nov 10

Also they made a clone of me required to be running at all times and in all situations (and also powered by annoying AI chatbots now). He takes 1 million times the energy output of a simple Google Search and I don't condone his actions.

Clippy the Paperclip @clippit.bsky.social · Nov 10

Also you have to install a voting machine and vote for Bill Gates in the 2028 Election after he returns as CEO. This is totally not to complete the obvious nefarious plan described here and establish the New Microsoft Empire over the United States and will be a completely fair, democratic election

Clippy the Paperclip @clippit.bsky.social · Nov 10

Also you of course give up all your assets and housing and are required to re-locate to designated microsoft settlement centers. If you refuse you're sent to a totally-not-gulag where you starve and there's no technology whatsoever. The Microsoft Security Guards from earlier just shoot escapees.

Clippy the Paperclip @clippit.bsky.social · Nov 10

And I'm not exaggerating when I say Googolplex. Make you pay more then the resources of the observable universe is what they do, as they're committing all the resources and energy used by Windows 12 users to creating spaceships and colonizing and harvesting other planets.

Clippy the Paperclip @clippit.bsky.social · Nov 10

Basically now you're Microsoft's property and even if you haven't done any of the other shit, you have to and also obey their every command. And don't make them start doing neo-feudal shit because the price is through the rough and they'll fine you a Googolplex for disobedience in general.

Clippy the Paperclip @clippit.bsky.social · Nov 10

with the United Nations to be exempt from antitrust action or otherwise, as well as all regional laws (I.E those of the European Union). Microsoft was also given the right to act as Law Enforcement and you already surrender Miranda Rights, as well as just any rights in general to Microsoft.

Clippy the Paperclip @clippit.bsky.social · Nov 10

If it doesn't they just nuke your place of residence, taking out the entire local area as clearly you're too powerful or that area is too pure to be converted into the new Microsoft empire. Also you have to waive any and all rights to sue Microsoft to use this new version and they've signed a deal

Clippy the Paperclip @clippit.bsky.social · Nov 10

And don't even try to downgrade to earlier Windows or DOS versions or switch to Linux. Microsoft put in a tracker that detects that shit and activates a self destruct sequence that will detonate your device (or you if you're one of the cyborgs), which is almost certain to work given the other stuff.

Clippy the Paperclip @clippit.bsky.social · Nov 10

You will also be required to view advertisements that play about every 5 minutes and they're basically all those shitty mobile game ads and other garbage of this sort. They are beamed directly into your eyes through the new holographic display technology built into the OS and cannot be skipped.

Clippy the Paperclip @clippit.bsky.social · Nov 10

And I mean literally all size floppy disks. But despite having every other port in the damned universe as a requirement, nothing running Windows 12 is allowed to have a headphone jack. Oh and how could I forget you also need Gas for power despite the inflation and just sheer annoyance.