spending all my family's beast coin on the new limited edition mold free lunchly

hosting a debate but slowly dropping clubs and hammers around the room like a battle royale game

WHICH WAY

"I just happened to make a turn at a good time. And if you believe what a lot of my supporters claim to believe, it's because god saved my life. but he didn't save charlie I guess, I guess he wasn't important really. but he was really a terrific guy"

oh oh, what, now we're supposed to know that NAZIS are bad??? i can't keep up with who or what the LEFT are canceling *now*

this isn’t the gotcha people think it is. they aren’t even being hypocritical; they don’t give a shit about fairness or equality or your idea of justice, so they’re not violating their own rules. what THEIR kids say is okay, and what YOUR kids say is not. that’s the only “rule” here

my MOM talks to me about the frog

every time i talk to her she will have some new story about the portland frog man she saw on Facebook or something

and then she'll turn her phone around to me and there is a video of the frog dancing under a hail of pepperballs

why is six afraid of seven

because seven murdered and devoured nine

🤣🤣🤣 just a little wednesday joke for u god bless🙏

tech guy in 2005: hi im just a little guy :) i just think science is heckin cool

tech guy in 2025: okay so the plan to burn everything as fuel for our futuristic capitalist space society didn't work BUT i can still make a LOT of money so i think im just gonna do that :) thanks

oh let me guess and I suppose tomorrow morning the sun will rise??? jeez like it has like a million times already, fucking give me a break

[heavy breathing] hey. im something of an expert in body language and from your micro-expressions when i held the door open for you i can tell you are deeply in love with me. and i just wanted to say im very flattered but im not interested sorry

guy who works at the FBI but went to J6 because he believed in the cause: 😬

he wants to be obama so badly

every day i start and end a war against this bag of baked lays potato chips but i didnt get nominated for the peace prize wtf

BREAKING: President Dobl Tump accidentally shares text messages that would sink legal case against Comey if we still lived in sane and coherent reality

*takes drag of cigarette*

yeah I was on the front lines of the woke wars. I never seen anything like it. antifa super soldiers in monstrous combat gear, our most less-than-lethal ammunition bouncing off their hides like nothin'. it still haunts me to this day

honestly i cant get past this dude's nameplate saying "Mr Whitehouse", wtf

mfw i get invited into the house

introducing our new AI: Goofus. Have a general sort of vibe kinda you want for a post, but don't know how to type it? Feed your half-baked ideas to Goofus and let it unravel it into kinda sort of the thing you were going for MAYBE*

* please fully review for any accidental slurs

uh ummm notices bulge owo what's this? oh it's another gun oh okay

JESSE WATTERS: Barron Trump shut down an entire floor of his dad's tower for a date. That's freakin' HOT. Can you imagine the gangly cryptid child of our beloved leader leaning in and whispering in your ear that you are completely alone with him? Fuck, what a MAN. Anyway thats the news tonight.

here's my take: I think humans are really fucking good. inherently. I think we are amazingly kind and giving. and everything about the world we live in is an attempt to stop us from being that. I think our societies step in to stop us from being good. I think our culture punishes us. but we ARE good

what if the sentence is "i think the muppets should be eradicated", is that bad to say