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Millicent (cenobyte) Bystander, Snark Czar

@cenobyte.ca

1.7K followers 1.1K following 11K posts

Canadian elbows-up philobiblian, structural grammarist, writer, freelance editor, fibre artist, musician, in the most beautiful valley in Canada. She/her usually; will use any pronoun. BS expert, politico, insouciant, indomitable, indefatigable since 1887.

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Millicent (cenobyte) Bystander, Snark Czar @cenobyte.ca · 24m

It actually does my heart good to have to queue up for vaccinations.

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Millicent (cenobyte) Bystander, Snark Czar @cenobyte.ca · 57m

Waiting at service Canada and there’s a couple eating snacks across from us. I have had to put my earplugs in because of their fucking mouth noises. Jesus Christ people, CLOSE YOUR LIPS WHEN YOU CHEW.

Millicent (cenobyte) Bystander, Snark Czar @cenobyte.ca · 1h

My favourite new feature on my new phone is the voice to text voicemail transcription. Fucking brilliant!

Millicent (cenobyte) Bystander, Snark Czar @cenobyte.ca · 2h

Oh, I know FIRST HAND what a customer has to go through.

Millicent (cenobyte) Bystander, Snark Czar @cenobyte.ca · 4h

There’s this guy. He works at a bank. It’s a bank I have been swearing about for six, ten years. This guy has been SO GOOD to me in the last few weeks he may have just changed my mind about the bank he works for.

I am shook.

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Millicent (cenobyte) Bystander, Snark Czar @cenobyte.ca · 7h

BUT WHYYYYYYYY

They’re just giving him what he wants and letting him think he’s relevant.

Millicent (cenobyte) Bystander, Snark Czar @cenobyte.ca · 15h

Ah. European rules. Well done!

Millicent (cenobyte) Bystander, Snark Czar @cenobyte.ca · 17h

Did you say SPATCHcock like that though? Like I think you’re supposed to yell either SPATCH or COCK louder, but I don’t remember all the rules.

Millicent (cenobyte) Bystander, Snark Czar @cenobyte.ca · 18h

At what point do we simply stop going to the rumpled dictater’s pressers?

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Millicent (cenobyte) Bystander, Snark Czar @cenobyte.ca · 18h

SPATCHcock!

You’re welcome.

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Millicent (cenobyte) Bystander, Snark Czar @cenobyte.ca · 19h

FFS

Millicent (cenobyte) Bystander, Snark Czar @cenobyte.ca · 21h

And yes, I said “Yes, I hung up the phone because I was quite cross at having been interrupted and spoken over. I would appreciate being listened to” and not “listen, you stunned cunt, I was being polite and trying to tell you something important and you wouldn’t fucking listen”. Because I’m NICE.

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Millicent (cenobyte) Bystander, Snark Czar @cenobyte.ca · 21h

Oh thank Glob.

I thought I was just…thick.

Millicent (cenobyte) Bystander, Snark Czar @cenobyte.ca · 21h

Like. If you can look at me trying to log in and see I’m using the wrong password then what’s preventing someone hacking you *or me* and using some kind of advanced hover pants technology to fucking RESET IT?

Jesus Christ.

Millicent (cenobyte) Bystander, Snark Czar @cenobyte.ca · 21h

The PROBLEM we’re having here is that the last two times I’ve tried to log in to my account, I’m locked out. Bank person told me it’s because I’m using the wrong password. I assured them I have not changed my password. They’re arguing nobody but I can do so. THEN WHY THE FUCK AM I LOCKED OUT, TERRY?

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Millicent (cenobyte) Bystander, Snark Czar @cenobyte.ca · 21h

Bank person called me back, and said “the call went dead”, and I appreciate the call back, but I also said “I’m quite cross because I do not appreciate being interrupted and spoken over, and I do not appreciate being talked down to. Let’s move past that step on to the next one, okay?"

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Millicent (cenobyte) Bystander, Snark Czar @cenobyte.ca · 21h

I got so cross at the bank person talking down to me and interrupting me I fucking hung up on them. Doesn’t have the same gravitas it had when you could slam the receiver down on the phone.

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Millicent (cenobyte) Bystander, Snark Czar @cenobyte.ca · 21h

Banks asking you to confirm what amount your last three withdrawals or deposits were when you are trying to log in to the system to find out what your last three withdrawals or deposits are is peak Kafka nightmare fuel.

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Millicent (cenobyte) Bystander, Snark Czar @cenobyte.ca · 21h

Yeah, I had a little breakdown at the realisation his co-op number wouldn’t get used again. So then I transferred it to my name. Problem solved!

Millicent (cenobyte) Bystander, Snark Czar @cenobyte.ca · 1d

There was an office making these kinds of ‘deals’ which was raided by police (it was a very exciting day. I asked the officers what would be done with the plants, and they looked confused, so I asked if I could have them, and that’s how we got our plants) a while back: www.cbc.ca/news/canada/...

‘Wild West’ for immigration agents says lawyer after Chinese family spends 40K seeking Canadian residency | CBC News

TingTing Biao remembers the moment she realized she lost everything, including tens of thousands of dollars in savings, on an immigration scheme that left her broke and traumatized. Biao is now back i...

www.cbc.ca

Millicent (cenobyte) Bystander, Snark Czar @cenobyte.ca · 1d

It also just occurred to me that the phrase “dial the number” is now an anachronism.

Millicent (cenobyte) Bystander, Snark Czar @cenobyte.ca · 1d

My bank just merged with another, bigger set of banks, and I fucking knew - I KNEW - their service would tank as soon as they did. And it has.

Awesome. 3/3

Millicent (cenobyte) Bystander, Snark Czar @cenobyte.ca · 1d

Now I cannot log in. Called the number on my card. Waited on hold for 15 minutes (after the autovoice told me it’d be less than 10 minutes’ wait) only to have the agent hang up on me instead of answer the call. I JUST. Want to talk. To a live. Human. Person. When I call. 2/3

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Millicent (cenobyte) Bystander, Snark Czar @cenobyte.ca · 1d

TODAY IS NOT MY DAY.
Tried to log in to online banking, login didn’t work. Called the number on my card. Spent 45 minutes on a “five minute phone call” just to have my access reset. It worked for an hour, and then I got booted out. 1/3

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Millicent (cenobyte) Bystander, Snark Czar @cenobyte.ca · 1d

Especially when it’s only like 5mm tall.