Steve - Teller of Tall Tales 🇺🇦
@bofferson.bsky.social
770 followers 620 following 300 posts
Award winning author of no books ever. Apparently not as funny as I think I am.
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bofferson.bsky.social
'Would you like economy, standard, #deluxe, super deluxe, or elite, Sir?'
'Economy.'
'Economy means no thrills, purely basic.'
'It's only a 2 hour flight.'
'That's £300. And would you like to upgrade your seat to being inside the aircraft, Sir, for an extra £800?'
'What?'
#vss365
bofferson.bsky.social
'Would you like economy, standard, #deluxe, super deluxe, or elite, Sir?'
'Economy.'
'Economy means no thrills, purely basic.'
'It's only a 2 hour flight.'
'That's £300. And would you like to upgrade your seat to being inside the aircraft, Sir, for an extra £800?'
'What?'
#vss365
bofferson.bsky.social
You've been a brilliant host, Paul. I've thoroughly enjoyed the musical adventure you've taken us on.
I look forward to breaking the record as worst #vss365 host ever, a record previously held by me 3 years ago
a cartoon bunny says may the chaos commence in front of fire
ALT: a cartoon bunny says may the chaos commence in front of fire
media.tenor.com
bofferson.bsky.social
'Here's the Jeeves MkI Robo-Butler. It comes with #undertones of sarcasm.'
'Far too expensive.'
'Ok. We do have the Alfred "Michael Caine" 200. I'll just demonstrate.'
'You're only supposed to blow the bloody doors off.'
'Hmm. It appears to be stuck in Italian Job mode.'
#vss365
bofferson.bsky.social
It was a typo, Sir.
Thank you for pointing it out.
But I'm afraid I will have to challenge you to duel now. Our weapons of choice. Allied aircraft from 1939 to 1942, Sir.
😁
bofferson.bsky.social
'This is unsufferable. I challenge you to a duel.'
'I accept, Sir. Your weapon of choice?'
'Deadly fish, Sir.'
'I choose #Piranha fish.'
'Then I shall choose, Scorpion fish.'
'Tomorrow at dawn?'
'Indeed, Sir.'
'Good day, Sir.'
'Good day.'
#vss365

Readers: What the fuck was that?
bofferson.bsky.social
Katie was always losing things. She lost her #raincoat at the park whilst playing football. She lost her dinner money on the school bus.
But she never expected to lose her shadow. She'd had it yesterday. It had followed her all around the playground.
But now it was gone.
#vss365
bofferson.bsky.social
'I'm here to see a band tonight? The #Verve?'
'Yeah. They're on now. Are you here to sign them?'
'If they fit the criteria. I've just signed Oasis and The Stone Roses so let's see. Bandy legged swagger. Nasally Manc vocals. Talented but also very annoying. They're in.'
#vss365
bofferson.bsky.social
It's such a classic show, and like you say, there were so many quotable lines you could say the next day at school or work 🤣
bofferson.bsky.social
'Oh God no. The man's a complete #libertine, a cad and a bounder. He'll have half the female staff pregnant within a month, the other half within 2 months, and half the male staff will get a "little curious" too. God. Show him in.'
'Lord Flashheart, m' Lord.'
'Woof woof.'
#vss365
a man in a wig says i 've got a plan to a woman
ALT: a man in a wig says i 've got a plan to a woman
media.tenor.com
bofferson.bsky.social
In AD 79, Jeffus Twattus began his journey to create the first ever travel guide.
It would be the greatest book the world had ever seen.
His first stop.
Pompei.
As Mount Vesuvius spewed volcanic #ash into the air, he muttered his final words.
"Oh, for fuckus saykius."
#vss365