Author | Lightnews

Bank of Mercia @bankmercia.bsky.social · 1d

"...a gravy thick enough to stand in the next Conservative leadership election."

a man in a suit and tie is clapping his hands and saying `` bravo '' .

ALT: a man in a suit and tie is clapping his hands and saying `` bravo '' .

media.tenor.com

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Bank of Mercia @bankmercia.bsky.social · 3d

@meadhallwench.bsky.social You are looking particularly demeure this evening

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Reposted by Bank of Mercia

Bank of Mercia @bankmercia.bsky.social · 4d

Time to get ready for Samhain tomorrow, when there will be the usual game of “Spud-or-treason!” — children demanding root vegetables or threatening to release The Squirrel.

And beware the spectral potato spirit (“The Great Mash”) which haunts the vaults, whispering secrets about missing ledgers.

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Bank of Mercia @bankmercia.bsky.social · 3d

It would be an honour, your Ladyship

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Bank of Mercia @bankmercia.bsky.social · 4d

Whatever happened to the Judean People's Front, Reg?

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Bank of Mercia @bankmercia.bsky.social · 4d

You only denied it wasn't crusty.

Ergo, everything else was correct.

I'm not convinced it isn't crusty either, given your diet

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Bank of Mercia @bankmercia.bsky.social · 4d

So you admit you talk out of it then

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Bank of Mercia @bankmercia.bsky.social · 4d

Don't you only have a tiny, crusty tree rat arse to talk out of as well?

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Bank of Mercia @bankmercia.bsky.social · 4d

As long as it's not complete bollocks

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Bank of Mercia @bankmercia.bsky.social · 4d

Time to get ready for Samhain tomorrow, when there will be the usual game of “Spud-or-treason!” — children demanding root vegetables or threatening to release The Squirrel.

And beware the spectral potato spirit (“The Great Mash”) which haunts the vaults, whispering secrets about missing ledgers.

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Bank of Mercia @bankmercia.bsky.social · 4d

They do all - of course - have to pay their deposits to The Bank beforehand. As President of The Bank, you do technically own it, so it's a waste of time asking you to pay yourself. Obviously.

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Bank of Mercia @bankmercia.bsky.social · 6d

Watch out, watch out, the Fyrdy's about!

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Bank of Mercia @bankmercia.bsky.social · 11d

Calling @thelatrines.bsky.social

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Bank of Mercia @bankmercia.bsky.social · 11d

And a very good morning to you as well, Squiggs

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Bank of Mercia @bankmercia.bsky.social · 12d

The size on the Squirrel Sausage Surveyor!

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Bank of Mercia @bankmercia.bsky.social · 12d

*Waves*

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Bank of Mercia @bankmercia.bsky.social · 12d

It would appear that someone (I wonder who?...) has ordered the dismantling of the East Wing of the Mead Hall to make way for some gawdy ballroom

Look, I know it's been burnt down a few times in the past (blame the Angles!), but it was (kinda) historical and symbolic of the Mercian nation

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Bank of Mercia @bankmercia.bsky.social · 12d

Looking for pink-elephant inducing substances?

Try 'schroomscrolling

(in fact just try saying 'schroomscrolling...)

Paul Fernandez @exilefromgroggs.bsky.social · 12d

Looking at pictures of graves?

That'll be tombscrolling.

Andy @andymb.bsky.social · 13d

Searching for a husband?

Try groomscrolling

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Bank of Mercia @bankmercia.bsky.social · 13d

You can't even find a penguin with proper chocolate on anymore.

Oh. You meant *those* penguins

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Bank of Mercia @bankmercia.bsky.social · 14d

@peter-heckel.bsky.social The articles write themselves these days...

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Bank of Mercia @bankmercia.bsky.social · 14d

I'm not worried about what they get up to in the local corner shop!

So, the gang consists of you, @psychicsquirrel.bsky.social and The Vole.

Getting away from the scene on the back of mopeds. Through the back streets of Paris, holding on to your crown jewels

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Bank of Mercia @bankmercia.bsky.social · 14d

A voleur, surely*

And don't call me Shirley

*look it up

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Bank of Mercia @bankmercia.bsky.social · 14d

You and @psychicsquirrel.bsky.social were in this together?!?!

It explains everything

Now to talk to my good friends at le magasin des cops

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Bank of Mercia @bankmercia.bsky.social · 14d

I tried.

I *really* did.

Got about a third of the way through.

I did finish - and enjoyed - Ulysses though

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Bank of Mercia @bankmercia.bsky.social · 14d

I am but a mere agent of the Dear Leader - an 'attack gerbil' as @psychicsquirrel.bsky.social says.

That level of information is beyond my pay grade

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