Zonker
@zonker.bsky.social
If you can't join 'em, beat 'em
Posts are 70% sarcasm.
verified account @barstool.com
[email protected] (not BS sports).
Spending a lot less time on X (@barstoolz)
Posts are 70% sarcasm.
verified account @barstool.com
[email protected] (not BS sports).
Spending a lot less time on X (@barstoolz)
Pinned
Zonker
@zonker.bsky.social
· Nov 12
That actually put me in the first 2.25% but who's counting?
Can't wait to be one of the first 1%
Can't wait to be one of the first 1%
Reposted by Zonker
Hi everybody,
It's Black Friday, a big day for us at The Onion, since we rely almost entirely on your memberships.
Our goal for 2026? More print subscribers than the Washington Post.
This is, somehow, feasible.
So sign up! A year of print is $75 for the year today. Help us do a very funny thing.
It's Black Friday, a big day for us at The Onion, since we rely almost entirely on your memberships.
Our goal for 2026? More print subscribers than the Washington Post.
This is, somehow, feasible.
So sign up! A year of print is $75 for the year today. Help us do a very funny thing.
Join The Onion
Don’t just read the news. Feel it. Be among the first to feel the news.
membership.theonion.com
November 28, 2025 at 4:39 PM
Hi everybody,
It's Black Friday, a big day for us at The Onion, since we rely almost entirely on your memberships.
Our goal for 2026? More print subscribers than the Washington Post.
This is, somehow, feasible.
So sign up! A year of print is $75 for the year today. Help us do a very funny thing.
It's Black Friday, a big day for us at The Onion, since we rely almost entirely on your memberships.
Our goal for 2026? More print subscribers than the Washington Post.
This is, somehow, feasible.
So sign up! A year of print is $75 for the year today. Help us do a very funny thing.
Reposted by Zonker
"Go fuck yourself."
I agree with Michael Fanone.
I agree with Michael Fanone.
This is worth a watch. Listen to Michael Fanone after the trash is done speaking. Pass it on.
November 28, 2025 at 5:12 PM
"Go fuck yourself."
I agree with Michael Fanone.
I agree with Michael Fanone.
Reposted by Zonker
Reposted by Zonker
Getting my “swagger” back by murdering millions of seniors
November 26, 2025 at 9:53 PM
Getting my “swagger” back by murdering millions of seniors
Reposted by Zonker
“Wanna talk about candidates who put their💰where their mouth is? @aftynbehn.bsky.social does not fuck around.” #TN7
@rachelwells1.bsky.social on Behn being dragged out of the state leg over ex-speaker Casada’s support for Rep. Byrd, who apologized to 1 of 3 women who said he sexually abused them.
@rachelwells1.bsky.social on Behn being dragged out of the state leg over ex-speaker Casada’s support for Rep. Byrd, who apologized to 1 of 3 women who said he sexually abused them.
November 26, 2025 at 8:44 PM
“Wanna talk about candidates who put their💰where their mouth is? @aftynbehn.bsky.social does not fuck around.” #TN7
@rachelwells1.bsky.social on Behn being dragged out of the state leg over ex-speaker Casada’s support for Rep. Byrd, who apologized to 1 of 3 women who said he sexually abused them.
@rachelwells1.bsky.social on Behn being dragged out of the state leg over ex-speaker Casada’s support for Rep. Byrd, who apologized to 1 of 3 women who said he sexually abused them.
Reposted by Zonker
Devastatingly accurate summary of a world-changing devil’s bargain, aka DOGE.
Elon Musk donated $277 million to Trump so he could steal the federal government’s data, dismantle the nation’s infrastructure, and stop foreign aid from going to nonwhite people. It’s a quid pro quo breathtaking in scope, corruption, and damage, & completely unprecedented in American history.
Bye bye, “DOGE”.
It no longer exists as a “centralized entity”, according to the Office of Personnel Management.
@reuters.com
www.reuters.com/world/us/dog...
It no longer exists as a “centralized entity”, according to the Office of Personnel Management.
@reuters.com
www.reuters.com/world/us/dog...
November 23, 2025 at 6:00 PM
Devastatingly accurate summary of a world-changing devil’s bargain, aka DOGE.
Reposted by Zonker
Contrary to Megyn Kelly and the Republican party......
November 23, 2025 at 5:54 PM
Contrary to Megyn Kelly and the Republican party......
Reposted by Zonker
Biden’s White House co-wrote the bill banning tiktok, pushed it through congress, chose to defend it in the courts, and then signed it into law. Joe Biden is solely to blame for what’s happening to TikTok. Every single expert said this outcome is exactly what would happen if he did what he did.
No Joe Biden is not to blame. If the sale goes through Trump is.
November 25, 2025 at 4:28 AM
Biden’s White House co-wrote the bill banning tiktok, pushed it through congress, chose to defend it in the courts, and then signed it into law. Joe Biden is solely to blame for what’s happening to TikTok. Every single expert said this outcome is exactly what would happen if he did what he did.
Reposted by Zonker
Trump’s special envoy Witkoff put his hand over his heart when Putin walked in the room. Like he’s reunited with a loved one. That really tells you all you need to know.
November 23, 2025 at 1:45 PM
Trump’s special envoy Witkoff put his hand over his heart when Putin walked in the room. Like he’s reunited with a loved one. That really tells you all you need to know.
Reposted by Zonker
From Brian Morrissey, "Media People" www.therebooting.com/p/media-people
November 14, 2025 at 6:01 PM
From Brian Morrissey, "Media People" www.therebooting.com/p/media-people
Reposted by Zonker
Maria Farmer: “There were powerful, powerful people involved. I told the FBI they needed to look into all of it.” “They had it for decades. I kept going back to them. They never followed up.” #OpDeathEaters
November 22, 2025 at 7:25 PM
Maria Farmer: “There were powerful, powerful people involved. I told the FBI they needed to look into all of it.” “They had it for decades. I kept going back to them. They never followed up.” #OpDeathEaters
Reposted by Zonker
I'm really grateful I worked at The Washington Post long before Jeff Bezos ruined its editorial board.
November 22, 2025 at 4:05 AM
I'm really grateful I worked at The Washington Post long before Jeff Bezos ruined its editorial board.
Reposted by Zonker
"We don’t need to be getting our policy insights from a pedophile-adjacent, ethically conflicted nepo baby."
Don’t Let Larry Summers Back Into Polite Society
While Larry Summers’s “association” with Jeffrey Epstein was already known, this newest batch of emails reveals their relationship ran deep.
interc.pt
November 22, 2025 at 1:24 AM
"We don’t need to be getting our policy insights from a pedophile-adjacent, ethically conflicted nepo baby."
Reposted by Zonker
"I pray to God that this never happens to another woman at the hands of Nicholas Sortor," a victim in the 2021 case that lead to Sortor's current warrant said to the court.
She said he stole her dog from her home, then assaulted her after she rebuffed his sexual advances in the arrest report.
She said he stole her dog from her home, then assaulted her after she rebuffed his sexual advances in the arrest report.
November 21, 2025 at 3:05 PM
"I pray to God that this never happens to another woman at the hands of Nicholas Sortor," a victim in the 2021 case that lead to Sortor's current warrant said to the court.
She said he stole her dog from her home, then assaulted her after she rebuffed his sexual advances in the arrest report.
She said he stole her dog from her home, then assaulted her after she rebuffed his sexual advances in the arrest report.
Reposted by Zonker
Reposted by Zonker
Reposted by Zonker
If you don't love this article, I'll give you a full refund.
www.nytimes.com/interactive/...
www.nytimes.com/interactive/...
How to Fix a Typewriter and Your Life (Gift Article)
This is the story of how a man traded steady, grinding corporate security for a dying craft and, in the process, found his soul.
www.nytimes.com
November 21, 2025 at 4:26 PM
If you don't love this article, I'll give you a full refund.
www.nytimes.com/interactive/...
www.nytimes.com/interactive/...
November 21, 2025 at 4:57 PM
Reposted by Zonker
This was an IQ test.
November 20, 2025 at 11:30 PM
This was an IQ test.
Reposted by Zonker
mr president sir, the people are clamoring for your thoughts on last nights seth meyers show sir
November 21, 2025 at 12:21 PM
mr president sir, the people are clamoring for your thoughts on last nights seth meyers show sir
Reposted by Zonker
she’s a hero
A U.S. postal worker on Long Island is accused of trying to help a man escape from ICE custody earlier this month, according to a federal criminal complaint: https://gothamist.visitlink.me/YNagDp
US postal worker charged with breaking man out of ICE custody on Long Island
Police arrested the worker and the man she tried to free.
gothamist.visitlink.me
November 21, 2025 at 1:40 AM
she’s a hero
Reposted by Zonker
Ha... Morgan & Morgan made a Steamboat Willie commercial...
November 19, 2025 at 10:46 PM
Ha... Morgan & Morgan made a Steamboat Willie commercial...
Reposted by Zonker
“I was a litigator for 21 years, and it’s safe to say that I never witnessed the level of legal incompetence that we are witnessing from the Trump administration,” our columnist David French writes.
Opinion | The Comey Case Is a Comedy of Errors
The incompetence of the Trump administration is interfering with some of its worst excesses.
nyti.ms
November 20, 2025 at 4:23 PM
“I was a litigator for 21 years, and it’s safe to say that I never witnessed the level of legal incompetence that we are witnessing from the Trump administration,” our columnist David French writes.