The classic pipeline.

I've only just seen this - just in with 15 mins to go! Happy birthday lovely x

Tried bringing her into bed with me at one point, forgetting why we don't co-sleep. She wriggled round and round, kicking me, for 20 mins before finally falling asleep with her backside pressed against my cheek. Then she farted in my face and sleepily murmured, "Bum".

She's back in her cot.

I saw the lovely photo of you two, wondered if you were sisters and then scrolled down to see this! Not sure why I hadn't twigged until now. Glad you had a lovely time!

Have a wonderful time!

I hope so! We begin well, at any rate.

The way my blood ran cold reading this. 😱

Eventually, he sighed and shrugged off his coat, muttering under his breath and shooting me side-eye. And he was ever so slightly less of a shit to me the next year.

FIN

Now, because this is the UK and schools are broke and did I mention it was July, obviously it did nothing because the heating was off school-wide anyway. But it didn't matter; the gesture worked and his eyes grew wide. There were giggles from the other (also sweating) students who knew I'd won.

And you know what I did? I smiled sweetly and said, "Oh, [Kid] I'm so sorry, I hadn't realised you were cold." And I TURNED THE FUCKING RADIATORS UP.

After 20 minutes, I sneaked a look and could see the sweat beading on his forehead. He whispered something to his mate, who said, "MIss, [Kid] is wearing a coat and that's against the rules. Not fair if you don't tell him off, Miss."

It was July, there were 30 kids who'd just been playing football at break, all squashed together in a room with the doors and windows closed. I could feel his eyes boring into me, willing me to say something so he could moan and take off the coat, still victorious. But I kept ignoring him.