Clearly the answer is to remove the overhead bins so people will revert to bringing only tasteful small 1950s wallets and handbags aboard. And cut legroom to six inches to encourage proper finishing school posture. Or require people to use only private jets like this blathering idiot

I bought a petty nice black suitcase at a garage sale and thought, "this'll do until I find a new one I really like." That was 12 years, 6 trips and 1 duct tape ago

[Pulling up a pair of extra poofy pantaloons with rainbow stripes trimmed in mistletoe and sequins] I'm donning, I'm donning!

(Taking cover begind wall as knights run to my aid) Hey! Have you tried pointing it, like, down? And using your foot to hold it while you draw? Oh! Maybe there's a crank on the side or something

I'm reminded of the frozen pizza with the Cheez-It crust: two good things should work together. But alas, their union only lessened them both 😔

[Falling on ice as the cages of turtle doves, swans, calling birds, geese-a-laying and that damn partridge I was carrying all burst open]

Welp, there's two grand I won't get back. I think I fell on my keys

There are a lot of beds I'd enjoy lying in, but a thick bed of moss that slowly eats me is up there

It's always okay to gaze upon evil and call it thusly. A rose is a rose, and a repulsive lout is a repulsive lout 🌹