Dan Brown sits down at his 486 running Win 3.1, cracks his knuckles as Microsoft Works opens, looks at the blank untitled page, and says "this thing needs some padding."

or, worse, you're stuck in a student film

Spurt Tracks

vibe medics run through warzones without any first-aid equipment—instead they just yell "suck it up, buttercup" whenever they see someone wounded

east-coast dads are exempted from the vibe medic certification course as they already have years of experience from doing this to their kids

Just got done breakdancing and already have a SNES controller in your hand. Bravo!

Man, nothing happening for two hours would be so nice

There's also a model train that stopped moving while we were looking at it

which game dev will be the first to have the courage to name a cheevo "Hey, at Least You Never Have to Do THAT Again"

Seeing percentage is tied to an ingame item you have to find.

nah man by "emergent gameplay" they mean the bullets emerging from my gun to fly into people's faces