It’s like Apple could sense I was sad and was like “hold my beer”

You have the same smile.

What part of “permanent pause” do you not understand 😂

Get it out? You don’t use it all year like me? Weird.

I’m so ready to go home 😂

Oh no! You need to get some stickers on them so the birds know it’s a really clean window 😬

She’ll probably like you more than me anyway.

Teach her some distress tolerance skills plzzzzzzzzz

I cannot believe you’re going to be my fourth husband.

(Worried I’m annoying you on your own post)

Me (to my mom who hasn’t set a time for dinner yet): Can we start dinner at 4 or 5 since I have another meal at noon?

My mom: I’ve decided in this minute that we’re having it at 3.

😂

FIL grumpy about Santa in the Thanksgiving parade while he sits feet from his fully decorated Christmas tree.

My MIL said the turkey tastes like shit since we got here.

She made it.

I just embarrassed my son 😂

Okay, but I’ve been informed you just haven’t seen the *right* musical number.