c'est trop
@sadwearpioneer.bsky.social
As ever, a shining beacon of good sense, grace and maturity.
So, the plan is that I need to try to be less of a fuckup in general, and try to save up for autumn so the landing's softer. And finish work tasks to improve prospects for 2027.
For goal 1, I need to get tested for my attention issues, which thankfully I'll be able to afford at full-time pay.
For goal 1, I need to get tested for my attention issues, which thankfully I'll be able to afford at full-time pay.
December 6, 2025 at 2:27 PM
So, the plan is that I need to try to be less of a fuckup in general, and try to save up for autumn so the landing's softer. And finish work tasks to improve prospects for 2027.
For goal 1, I need to get tested for my attention issues, which thankfully I'll be able to afford at full-time pay.
For goal 1, I need to get tested for my attention issues, which thankfully I'll be able to afford at full-time pay.
Since things have been a bit tense w my former boss, too (not exactly a secret I have been coasting in protegé status for yeeeaaaarrrsss), but she's not even in a decision-making role right now.
December 6, 2025 at 2:21 PM
Since things have been a bit tense w my former boss, too (not exactly a secret I have been coasting in protegé status for yeeeaaaarrrsss), but she's not even in a decision-making role right now.
Ehh, stupid typo. But you get my gist. Last year a friend's grant application getting rejected in favour of mine, and now another being bluntly let go from what seemed like a safe, long-term, not grant-dependent position. I assumed I'd be moved to half-time from January...
December 6, 2025 at 2:19 PM
Ehh, stupid typo. But you get my gist. Last year a friend's grant application getting rejected in favour of mine, and now another being bluntly let go from what seemed like a safe, long-term, not grant-dependent position. I assumed I'd be moved to half-time from January...
Obviously I'm pleased, because I have struggled so much to meet work goals this year, and am missing a major one. On the other hand, the fact I'm being kept around and paid lavishly dedpite my performance issues is in uncomfortable contrast with my friends being let go.
December 6, 2025 at 2:13 PM
Obviously I'm pleased, because I have struggled so much to meet work goals this year, and am missing a major one. On the other hand, the fact I'm being kept around and paid lavishly dedpite my performance issues is in uncomfortable contrast with my friends being let go.
I hope the fact that my classes are over for the semester (yes!) will have some kind of an impact.
December 6, 2025 at 5:15 AM
I hope the fact that my classes are over for the semester (yes!) will have some kind of an impact.
I'd say I feel kind of euphoric at times, and worry that a lack of worry is making me irresponsible. Not ideal, as these meds are also doing nothing towards fixing my lack of focus, so I'm mostly slacking and not even worrying about it, which is obviously unsustainable.
December 6, 2025 at 5:12 AM
I'd say I feel kind of euphoric at times, and worry that a lack of worry is making me irresponsible. Not ideal, as these meds are also doing nothing towards fixing my lack of focus, so I'm mostly slacking and not even worrying about it, which is obviously unsustainable.
Also very pleased to note that for a few weeks now I haven't been plagued by my brain serving up horrible, disturbing thoughts when I'm trying to sleep.
December 6, 2025 at 5:07 AM
Also very pleased to note that for a few weeks now I haven't been plagued by my brain serving up horrible, disturbing thoughts when I'm trying to sleep.
Now nearly 6 weeks in. I still get some anxiety, as in, I haven't looked at an email from Thursday that might have bad news, but it is really subdued compared to where I was. Negativity is toned down almost all the way, am no longer catastrophizing.
December 6, 2025 at 5:04 AM
Now nearly 6 weeks in. I still get some anxiety, as in, I haven't looked at an email from Thursday that might have bad news, but it is really subdued compared to where I was. Negativity is toned down almost all the way, am no longer catastrophizing.
Oh, and also, a work thing I thought I'd f'd up and was stressed about turned out to be just a missed email situation, the guy responded many weeks later, and it'll be fine.
To summarize: either for work disasters not materializing (yet), or AD, I am clearly feeling better than a month ago.
To summarize: either for work disasters not materializing (yet), or AD, I am clearly feeling better than a month ago.
November 27, 2025 at 1:11 AM
Oh, and also, a work thing I thought I'd f'd up and was stressed about turned out to be just a missed email situation, the guy responded many weeks later, and it'll be fine.
To summarize: either for work disasters not materializing (yet), or AD, I am clearly feeling better than a month ago.
To summarize: either for work disasters not materializing (yet), or AD, I am clearly feeling better than a month ago.
Hotel's booked too, paid for the price difference of getting a 2-person room. Remains to be seen how awkward it'll be, but it's not the first time that staff brings partners or kids along to student trips, and a PhD student is bringing her hubby as well.
November 27, 2025 at 1:08 AM
Hotel's booked too, paid for the price difference of getting a 2-person room. Remains to be seen how awkward it'll be, but it's not the first time that staff brings partners or kids along to student trips, and a PhD student is bringing her hubby as well.
Not planning to shop anything else, Black friday or not - the only exception will be seat selection on flights to/from Rome, IF there's a discount this year (there was last year), because the boyf's on a different booking and random seat assignment will place us nowhere near one another.
November 27, 2025 at 1:04 AM
Not planning to shop anything else, Black friday or not - the only exception will be seat selection on flights to/from Rome, IF there's a discount this year (there was last year), because the boyf's on a different booking and random seat assignment will place us nowhere near one another.
Side note, I did get a couple of plant lights from Aliexpress a few weeks ago, figuring there's nothing to lose, and have been running one of them over those 3 pots of orchids foolishly aiming to bloom in mid-winter, AND one of the buds is already opening? On the one where all fell off last winter.
November 27, 2025 at 1:00 AM
Side note, I did get a couple of plant lights from Aliexpress a few weeks ago, figuring there's nothing to lose, and have been running one of them over those 3 pots of orchids foolishly aiming to bloom in mid-winter, AND one of the buds is already opening? On the one where all fell off last winter.
Ehh. Anyway, hardly a surprise that I did give in to the urge to shop a bit (after checking the accounts), for another Falconeri sweater. Hardly the season now for lightweight silk-cotton knits, but... if these were the last days of May, how fast would the summer rush past? Spring's coming.
November 27, 2025 at 12:57 AM
Ehh. Anyway, hardly a surprise that I did give in to the urge to shop a bit (after checking the accounts), for another Falconeri sweater. Hardly the season now for lightweight silk-cotton knits, but... if these were the last days of May, how fast would the summer rush past? Spring's coming.
I tend to nap on the sofa after every office day anyway, but the AD seems to exacerbate this. And combined with the upped thyroid dosage, actually falling asleep when I go to bed is difficult. OTL
November 27, 2025 at 12:53 AM
I tend to nap on the sofa after every office day anyway, but the AD seems to exacerbate this. And combined with the upped thyroid dosage, actually falling asleep when I go to bed is difficult. OTL
And felt surprisingly functional, saw lots of colleagues at the office and could sort out things without emails, which is always good. Even went for a workout session in the afternoon, felt fine. Obviously cannot sustain this though, must head to bed soon.
November 27, 2025 at 12:51 AM
And felt surprisingly functional, saw lots of colleagues at the office and could sort out things without emails, which is always good. Even went for a workout session in the afternoon, felt fine. Obviously cannot sustain this though, must head to bed soon.
So took that feeling home, crashed on the sofa, then got up for Tuesday's class (excellent student presentations) and more meetings. Useless again once home, got really little sleep (struggled to fall asleep and then the cat kept waking me up wanting cuddles), got up early for a meeting...
November 27, 2025 at 12:48 AM
So took that feeling home, crashed on the sofa, then got up for Tuesday's class (excellent student presentations) and more meetings. Useless again once home, got really little sleep (struggled to fall asleep and then the cat kept waking me up wanting cuddles), got up early for a meeting...
Oh well. After dinner, took a tram towards home with one of the renowned profs on the old team, who also happens to be the gran of one of my 1st year students, and told me she's heard I am a wonderful teacher. Sentiment immediately echoed by a PhD student who was once in my MA classes. Aww.
November 27, 2025 at 12:45 AM
Oh well. After dinner, took a tram towards home with one of the renowned profs on the old team, who also happens to be the gran of one of my 1st year students, and told me she's heard I am a wonderful teacher. Sentiment immediately echoed by a PhD student who was once in my MA classes. Aww.
The recently promoted admin who let my friend go is in charge of that branch of funding, and while she's pleasant enough in person, she kind of takes no prisoners in business. And I've felt too awkward to bring up mental health reasons as grounds to plead for leniency.
November 27, 2025 at 12:40 AM
The recently promoted admin who let my friend go is in charge of that branch of funding, and while she's pleasant enough in person, she kind of takes no prisoners in business. And I've felt too awkward to bring up mental health reasons as grounds to plead for leniency.
My sometimes cranky ex-boss is smart enough to recognize an asset when she finds one, and keep them around; I assume she has something in the works, we'll see.
In any case, this does not bode well for the extension of a part of my contract, which I've not brought up w current boss, but should.
In any case, this does not bode well for the extension of a part of my contract, which I've not brought up w current boss, but should.
November 27, 2025 at 12:36 AM
My sometimes cranky ex-boss is smart enough to recognize an asset when she finds one, and keep them around; I assume she has something in the works, we'll see.
In any case, this does not bode well for the extension of a part of my contract, which I've not brought up w current boss, but should.
In any case, this does not bode well for the extension of a part of my contract, which I've not brought up w current boss, but should.
He is an ~asset~, and I really don't see how they're planning to fill the gap, without getting too specific he was running a whole thing for the institution, I'd say an essential one, and it is unclear who is in charge of this now, or how in the f those tasks will get done from here on.
November 27, 2025 at 12:33 AM
He is an ~asset~, and I really don't see how they're planning to fill the gap, without getting too specific he was running a whole thing for the institution, I'd say an essential one, and it is unclear who is in charge of this now, or how in the f those tasks will get done from here on.
We went on to have dinner at a quiet Vietnamese place. On a sour note, learned that a work friend had been let go, which was a bit of a shock - he was planning to take most of next year off for parental leave anyway, but still; unclear on the specifics, but this was a dumb move from the new admin.
November 27, 2025 at 12:28 AM
We went on to have dinner at a quiet Vietnamese place. On a sour note, learned that a work friend had been let go, which was a bit of a shock - he was planning to take most of next year off for parental leave anyway, but still; unclear on the specifics, but this was a dumb move from the new admin.
Monday. Class went pretty good, then rushing right into another Zoom meeting, and from there into a seminar w my old grant team, which had me feeling a bit tense in anticipation (my old boss can be just as cranky as I can be infuriating), but it was kind of nice.
November 27, 2025 at 12:24 AM
Monday. Class went pretty good, then rushing right into another Zoom meeting, and from there into a seminar w my old grant team, which had me feeling a bit tense in anticipation (my old boss can be just as cranky as I can be infuriating), but it was kind of nice.