Daaaaaaaaamn.

Here’s an additional fun fact: she was born in Bucks County, PA, the previously conservative enclave where they just ousted the ICE favoring sheriff and booted all the MAGAs off the school boards.

High fives on your exquisite taste. Especially The Eyes Are The Best Part.

He looks like Uncle Fester in a hay toupee.

“In the opening scene, the brother states, ‘They’re coming to get you, Barbra.’ But then not a single zombie ejaculates anywhere, let alone on the actress. A sad letdown!’”

No, he’s pissed because the Congressional democrats who actually served are telling soldiers they should refuse to the unconstitutional order to bomb fishing boats and murder brown people because the orders are illegal.

We boiled the noodles this time in coffee and used them in place of the ladyfingers. When presenting to the judges, we brought along photos of us mixing in the powder and using the noodles. We were not chill about defending our honor.

We won a special dessert category. Vindication.

/end

I should point out that everyone stepped up their game. It became crazy elaborate. Like chopped on a mad scale.

But we were determined. So the next year. We made a tira-Mac-su. A tiramisu with Mac and cheese. We fuckin dyed the mascarpone with orange and mixed the powder in.

/3

The only rule was you need to use both the pasta and the atomic cheese mix. So we boiled the noodles in apple juice and baked it with julienned apples into a pie. Mixed the powder in with a streusel topping to hide it. Only we hid it too well and folks doubted we used it. But we took second.

/2

You can’t win with bread pudding.

The opening of Twenty-Sided Die, my short story collection:

“Fucking Richlandtown. The asshole of Bucks County.”