Sometimes you just need to have a huge wack in the closet.

This happened to a friend the other day, who discovered he was in the middle of serving a three-year ban. (Side note: He has his own Wikipedia page, which I have vandalized many times.)

Also, the depiction of the book publishing world is even less realistic than the depiction of the North Pole.

It’s a beloved holiday classic that feels so fundamentally flawed. Every time I watch it, I feel like there have to be giant chunks with Amy Sedaris, Andy Richter and Kyle Gass on the cutting room floor. What was this movie supposed to be? I need to see the original script.

I was on a bus where the same thing happened, except the guy getting on yelled “I CAN’T FUCKING *SEE!*”

The iPhone has this now too.

Greatest besides Geordi La Forge and his holodeck sex crimes, of course.

The magazine page that supposedly saved him from being written out of the show.

Also known internationally as the Lesser of Two Evils Party.

I saw this post in isolation and immediately assumed it was about Canadian prime minister Mark Carney because it described him perfectly too.

Park? Peek.

I just took a park and he hasn’t posted since early September anyway.

What we need, if he’s still doing the work over there, is someone to post screen shots of his retweets.

I’ve been waiting for someone to say “I Wanna Be Adored.”

Maybe he’s waiting until Bari Weiss puts him on TV like she said she would.

I still think about the coworker who observed that I was always so calm. (I was constantly in a state of melting down internally, so I still don’t know where she got that from.)

I love to look these people dead in the eye as I slam into them with the full force of six hundred dollars worth of groceries.