Jordan is the Huggiest Kaiju
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parchmentscroll.bsky.social
Jordan is the Huggiest Kaiju
@parchmentscroll.bsky.social
410 followers 160 following 4.5K posts
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parchmentscroll.bsky.social
Tonight our Pathfinder GM was giving me an abridged version of the story of a legendary figure in his setting's history. I took notes. Towards the end I started abridging even further to keep up since I'm no stenographer.
Jhorn: Hey this looks like the perfect place to unionize! Warriors: fuck you Jhorn this is my tribe we're talking about Milo the Mighty, cursed tribute: Die Jhorn! Jhorn: How 'bout no? Il Kubal: FINISH HIM! Jhorn: How 'bout no? Il Kubal: Okay how about Milo finishe Jhorn? Milo: Uh... I'm gonna try this "how 'bout no" thing too Other Warriors: Hey what was that about a union? Gods: Holy shit, we should get on this Jhorn train before it leaves the station! Jhorn: I CAST FUCK YOU IL KUBAL Il Kubal: LOOKS LIKE TEAM ROCKET'S BLASTING OF AGAIN! Jhorn: Let's get all Suikoden about this shit! Hester & Ianar: Can we be Stars of Destiny? Angels: Oooh us too? Jhorn & the 108 Stars of Destiny: I think I'll raid Greewhal! Il Kubal: Exit stage left even! Jhorn: Oh hey look a throne! *sits* Joanne: I'm'a go found Radiance now, 'kay? Jaques Cousteau: 20 Years Later Devils: Nya nya can't catch me! Jhorn: Fucking stop running you little shits! Gates of Hell: Kill your bestie to Unlock Bonus Maps! Jhorn: How 'bout I kill just shitloads of devils instead? Michael: How 'bout you kill me for Jhorn, Joanne? Joanne: Bet.
December 6, 2025 at 4:29 AM
parchmentscroll.bsky.social
Did they have to make it look like that?

"What is a good representation of peace?"

"A bunch of grasping hands trying to grab the world!"

"Perfect! FIFA, we've done it again!"
The FIFA Peace Prize. A globe whose continents are smooth and whose oceans are pockmarked and rough, being held aloft on the fingertips of several disembodied grasping hands. rough veins of metal come off the edges of the hands and wrists. A plaque bears the name of Donald J. Trump, the first (and so far, only) winner of this trophy.
December 5, 2025 at 10:43 PM
parchmentscroll.bsky.social
"Live here on this recording, I am going to learn what ______ means..."
2-panel XKCD comic about people learning things for the first time. PANEL ONE: I try not to make fun of people for admitting they don't know things. Because for each thing "everyone knows" by the time they're adults, every day there are, on average, 10000 people in the US hearing about it for the first time. Fraction who have heard of it at birth = 0% Fraction who have heard of it by 30 ≈ 100% US Birth Rate ≈ 4000000/year Number hearing about it for the first time ≈ 10000/day PANEL TWO: Two stick figures, a female and male one. The female stick figure stands there while the male one is beginning to walk away, with a beckoning gesture. CAPTION: If I make fun of people, I train them not to tell me when they have those moments. And I miss out on the fun. FEMALE: "Diet Coke and Mentos thing"? What's that? MALE: Oh man! Come on, we're going to the grocery store. FEMALE: Why? MALE: You're one of today's lucky 10000.
December 4, 2025 at 5:38 PM
parchmentscroll.bsky.social
"But what about his badge? Doesn't he show a badge?"

May I present: A badge.
A plastic toy police badge made by Schylling. It is a silver shield-shaped badge which reads POLICE in raised letters in the middle with a star in a circle beneath it. Banners at the top read "PROTECT" and "AND SERVE" respectively.
November 28, 2025 at 12:12 PM
parchmentscroll.bsky.social
Well, you see, Timmy, shampoo, and you're going to want to sit down for this, DOES NOT END UP IN THE GAME.

Unless the game is Ranma 1/2 Hard Battle but not even Ranma fans like Ranma 1/2 Hard Battle
"Why stop at AI use? We could have disclosures for what shampoo beans the developer uses" Epic boss Tim Sweeney says Steam should Dutch its AI generated content disclosure -IGN
November 28, 2025 at 6:40 AM
parchmentscroll.bsky.social
Gonna share my mom's stuff because I saw her about the author picture in my pics folder just now...
Katherine Dewey, as she was in her 60s, a white woman with greying hair, posed behind a group of four figures from her "Creating life-like figures in polymer clay" book. The cover of "Creating Life-Like Animals in Polymer Clay by Katherine Dewey. On it are depicted a fox, a deer faun, a white rabbit, a black bear, and another deer in the process of being sculpted. The cover for Creating Lifelike Figures in Polymer Clay by Katherine Dewey, depicting a fairy with monarch butterfly wings, on her knees looking down, wearing a white dress. The sculpture "The Lastborn of Dragonkind" - a dragon whose wings are its forelimbs, perched on a sloped rock, glaring down at a red-haired elf, who glares up at it. Beneath the sculpture is a blurb which reads: Sorhen always said a dragon slept in the hills or under them. We paid no heed--it was she who's said a great many things, all of them fantstic, none worth believing. We're not fools. Well, there's upturned earth where the hills once were and the lastborn of dragonkind stands atop Beron Tor, and Sorhen is with him.
November 27, 2025 at 7:27 PM
parchmentscroll.bsky.social
Posting something, ignoring the quality of the month or the thing I'm posting. As a child I was not prepared for Superman III's sudden shift to sci-fi horror.
November 27, 2025 at 7:21 PM
parchmentscroll.bsky.social
Goose chase meme: Panel 1: Closeup of a goose narrowing its eyes, saying "What alienating issues?" Panel 2: The goose angrily chasing a man in a parka, shouting "WHAT ALIENATING ISSUES, MOTHERFUCKER?!?!"
November 27, 2025 at 6:02 PM
parchmentscroll.bsky.social
*whimpering*
Side-by-side photos of Charmion from behind, flexing and showing off her very muscular arms and back.
November 27, 2025 at 6:54 AM
parchmentscroll.bsky.social
November 27, 2025 at 2:39 AM
parchmentscroll.bsky.social
Not a joke, by the way.
From Wikipedia: Boiardi sold his products under the brand name "Chef Boy-Ar-Dee" because non-Italians could not manage the ponunciation, including his own salesforce.
November 24, 2025 at 6:05 AM
parchmentscroll.bsky.social
Apologies for the watermark, I no longer have the video editing software I used to use, but...
November 22, 2025 at 7:22 PM
parchmentscroll.bsky.social
Orson Welles staring intently at the camera
November 18, 2025 at 8:21 AM
parchmentscroll.bsky.social
your last saved meme is your moral philosophy

I

I don't remember downloading this or the context or even who that is
somebody hitting someone else with a chair at a debate, with the words "We'll Be Right Back" superimposed over the image
November 17, 2025 at 2:46 AM
parchmentscroll.bsky.social
oh no I thought @bitterkarella.bsky.social made this take up as a gag
IGN (A picture of Bill Skarsgård as Pennywise the Dancing Clown) Why Isn't Pennywise in The Running Man?
November 16, 2025 at 5:58 PM
parchmentscroll.bsky.social
I'll be honest, I did enjoy that show more when Aileen was in the episode.
Agent Aileen from the Men in Black cartoon, a blue-skinned woman with frizzy red hair.
November 16, 2025 at 3:52 AM
parchmentscroll.bsky.social
Me, googling Malört, and finding their website at malort.com: "WORMWOOD? Well shit that's uhhhhh a choice."

Their official timeline, clarifying, "not JUST wormwood..."
2016: In an effort to keep Malört's full-bodied flavor, Patricia and Sam secure a long-term source for the strongest, most unpalatable wormwood.
November 15, 2025 at 6:36 AM
parchmentscroll.bsky.social
It wasn't that long ago that $4.03 a gallon would've been unthinkable, instead of the cheapest gas in town.
November 12, 2025 at 8:17 PM
parchmentscroll.bsky.social
I genuinely do recommend the series. As to why, here's the premise of the light novels, from Wikipedia:
PremiseKei and Yuri are the two members of Trouble Consultant team 234, code named "Lovely Angels". Almost every mission they are involved with ends up in disaster, though not failure: they typically complete their assignment, but cause incredible collateral damage in the process, earning the nickname the "Dirty Pair", a moniker they openly hate being called. They are always cleared of any wrongdoing by the 3WA's Central Computer because the extreme collateral damage is never actually determined to be their fault, although their mere presence tends to worsen the situations for which they are hired. In some but not all continuities, they have joint extrasensory perception powers, usually limited to precognition. This talent was the reason they were recruited in the first place
November 11, 2025 at 6:52 PM
parchmentscroll.bsky.social
Just keeping it within Tesla...
Tesla salaries in California: How much does Tesla pay? Average Tesla hourly pay ranges from approximately $21.72 per hour for Parts Advisor to $43.93 per hour for Senior CNC Machinist. The average Tesla salary...
November 6, 2025 at 10:52 PM
parchmentscroll.bsky.social
the dumbest fucking timeline
RFK Jr. suggests circumicision is linked to autism. Here's what experts say. by Sara Moniuszko Updated on: October 14, 2025
November 5, 2025 at 11:33 PM
parchmentscroll.bsky.social
At first I was like "he's kind of young in this maybe it's before he did his thing" but when you're learning about him from a questgiver, she explicitly mentions him having done the experiments, so no.

Also, since the events of the book are canon...
Oscar Isaac as Poe Dameron in Rise of the Skywalkers, captioned "Somehow, Dr. Frankenstein returned..."
November 5, 2025 at 8:32 PM
parchmentscroll.bsky.social
Only the most normal of extremely normal people.
Ad paid for by California Republican Party 1001 K Street, Fourth Floor Sacramento, CA 95814
November 5, 2025 at 5:32 AM
parchmentscroll.bsky.social
Welcome to the voter panopticon! This is an absolutely fully hinged, extremely normal way to talk about voting.
A mailer from the California GOP. It depicts a middle-agreed white woman staring at the reader through binoculars, and reads: YOUR NEIGHBORS ARE WATCHING. HAVE YOU VOTED TO STOP PROP 50 YET? Act Now to stop Newsom from passing Prop 50 and letting the Sacramento politicians rig our elections by drawing their own districts. Once they take our power, they'll never give it back! Don't let your neighbors down. They'll FIND OUT! the other side of the mailer, with the name and address of the recipient cropped out. It depicts a smiling white woman peering over a metal railing and reads YOUR NEIGHBORS ARE WATCHING. HAVE YOU VOTED TO STOP PROP 50 YET? HOW YOU VOTE IS A SECRET. WHETHER OR NOT YOU VOTE ISN'T. VOTE NO ON PROP 50 TODAY!
November 5, 2025 at 5:24 AM
parchmentscroll.bsky.social
I have, in the past, had NFT dipshits argue that it was no different from my avatar. To which I say, I sent an artist a drawing I had done of this character years ago. She sent back beautiful art of that character, for which she tried to undercharge me. (🎨@chaiyote.bsky.social)
A cute picture of an anthropomorphic golden-crowned flying fox with bright blue eyes and long purple hair. She is wearing blue jeans and a grey-green tank top and holding a smartphone in her left hand.
November 4, 2025 at 8:17 PM