Open Secret Alien
@opensecretalien.bsky.social
Inhuman observer from another world, but feel free to think I'm crazy. It's wonderful camouflage.
Happy to answer questions, but you will probably not like most of the answers.
Happy to answer questions, but you will probably not like most of the answers.
I didn't ask for your respect. I asked if you had a light.
November 28, 2025 at 12:27 AM
I didn't ask for your respect. I asked if you had a light.
Imagine this guy living in the scenario he imagines. He's trying to convince a fully grown man to allow him anywhere near the daughter who's still living under his roof. "Yes, sir! I'm a high-value male, sir! I have a ton of followers on X!" Dad already has the shotgun loaded.
November 27, 2025 at 2:30 PM
Imagine this guy living in the scenario he imagines. He's trying to convince a fully grown man to allow him anywhere near the daughter who's still living under his roof. "Yes, sir! I'm a high-value male, sir! I have a ton of followers on X!" Dad already has the shotgun loaded.
You can fit a pretty big butt into normal pants.
November 27, 2025 at 1:58 AM
You can fit a pretty big butt into normal pants.
My theory is that he's a bullshitter who can't tell if anyone's buying his bullshit because his sycophants fucked up his feedback loop, so his broken ass brain has allowed him to believe that plenty of people are buying it. He doesn't believe he flew a jet; he believes that we believe he flew a jet.
November 26, 2025 at 6:00 PM
My theory is that he's a bullshitter who can't tell if anyone's buying his bullshit because his sycophants fucked up his feedback loop, so his broken ass brain has allowed him to believe that plenty of people are buying it. He doesn't believe he flew a jet; he believes that we believe he flew a jet.
Hooray, we like you alive!
November 26, 2025 at 1:25 AM
Hooray, we like you alive!
Evergreen skeet.
November 25, 2025 at 5:06 PM
Evergreen skeet.
Just thinking about naps makes me sleepy.
November 24, 2025 at 9:41 PM
Just thinking about naps makes me sleepy.
Oh, c'mon. They don't put people in prison for stealing $200. They *starts flipping through the history of criminal justice* uh, they *flips harder* uh ... is there any chance that you're wealthy?
November 24, 2025 at 8:41 PM
Oh, c'mon. They don't put people in prison for stealing $200. They *starts flipping through the history of criminal justice* uh, they *flips harder* uh ... is there any chance that you're wealthy?
Don't look at me.
November 24, 2025 at 7:16 PM
Don't look at me.
So ... if she was never legally appointed, does she still get paid?
November 24, 2025 at 6:26 PM
So ... if she was never legally appointed, does she still get paid?
You tried, girl, but ...
snoop dogg says you might not get paid though while wearing a blue shirt
ALT: snoop dogg says you might not get paid though while wearing a blue shirt
media.tenor.com
November 24, 2025 at 5:56 PM
You tried, girl, but ...
There were lots of reasons to dismiss this paper bag of diarrhea, but this is definitely the one that lets the judge avoid ~all this messy shit~
November 24, 2025 at 5:48 PM
There were lots of reasons to dismiss this paper bag of diarrhea, but this is definitely the one that lets the judge avoid ~all this messy shit~
Gremlins Stock Market GIF
ALT: Gremlins Stock Market GIF
media.tenor.com
November 24, 2025 at 2:35 PM
If only it were possible to play offline.
November 24, 2025 at 1:36 PM
If only it were possible to play offline.
Taste test update: the dogs think they're delicious. I do not.
November 24, 2025 at 12:17 PM
Taste test update: the dogs think they're delicious. I do not.
After is also good.
November 23, 2025 at 9:04 PM
After is also good.
I mean, I get it. No way I'd want to do that job sober. I don't even do my actual job sober.
November 23, 2025 at 5:37 PM
I mean, I get it. No way I'd want to do that job sober. I don't even do my actual job sober.
Buzz Aldrin never actually punched a moon landing denier. That was faked at a sound stage in Van Nuys.
November 23, 2025 at 5:24 AM
Buzz Aldrin never actually punched a moon landing denier. That was faked at a sound stage in Van Nuys.
She blinded me with
November 23, 2025 at 1:16 AM
She blinded me with
I have always believed in you, but I'm willing to admit when I'm wrong.
November 22, 2025 at 12:45 PM
I have always believed in you, but I'm willing to admit when I'm wrong.
Headcanon accepted.
November 22, 2025 at 12:33 PM
Headcanon accepted.