@neilolney.bsky.social
Lost the love of my life, but she always told me to be kind and happy. I’m trying my best.
#LunchPun As a young detective, I suspected someone of murdering their wealthy aunt for all her possessions. When the will was read, it was a dead giveaway.
November 28, 2025 at 11:19 AM
#LunchPun As a young detective, I suspected someone of murdering their wealthy aunt for all her possessions. When the will was read, it was a dead giveaway.
#LunchPun As a young police officer I frequently arrested a persistent Peeping-Tom, who was often beaten up by people who’d caught him in the act. Whenever I arrived at hospital to interview him I could always find him in ICU.
November 27, 2025 at 12:02 PM
#LunchPun As a young police officer I frequently arrested a persistent Peeping-Tom, who was often beaten up by people who’d caught him in the act. Whenever I arrived at hospital to interview him I could always find him in ICU.
#LunchPun Yesterday, I went to a Moon-themed restaurant that had a lot of lunar memorabilia.The food was ok, but the place had no atmosphere.
November 26, 2025 at 11:59 AM
#LunchPun Yesterday, I went to a Moon-themed restaurant that had a lot of lunar memorabilia.The food was ok, but the place had no atmosphere.
#LunchPun I got a low-paid job working at a Garden Centre where my role was to sort out different types of compost. I left in the end as it was degrading.
November 25, 2025 at 12:01 PM
#LunchPun I got a low-paid job working at a Garden Centre where my role was to sort out different types of compost. I left in the end as it was degrading.
#LunchPun I was challenged to get a huge load of chutney onto a ship and sail it from America to England in a record time. I embarked on the journey with plenty of relish.
November 22, 2025 at 8:53 AM
#LunchPun I was challenged to get a huge load of chutney onto a ship and sail it from America to England in a record time. I embarked on the journey with plenty of relish.
#LunchPun My nephew has got a job cooking in the canteen at the local police station.
I popped in to see him, when a police officer approached the counter and said “Irish stew”
I told him not to say anything until we got him a solicitor.
I popped in to see him, when a police officer approached the counter and said “Irish stew”
I told him not to say anything until we got him a solicitor.
November 21, 2025 at 11:59 AM
#LunchPun My nephew has got a job cooking in the canteen at the local police station.
I popped in to see him, when a police officer approached the counter and said “Irish stew”
I told him not to say anything until we got him a solicitor.
I popped in to see him, when a police officer approached the counter and said “Irish stew”
I told him not to say anything until we got him a solicitor.
#LunchPun As a police officer I was once called to an aquatic mammals laboratory where some of them had escaped. On arrival I was greeted by a scene of otter chaos.
November 20, 2025 at 12:01 PM
#LunchPun As a police officer I was once called to an aquatic mammals laboratory where some of them had escaped. On arrival I was greeted by a scene of otter chaos.
#LunchPun Last night, I went to the pub with the bloke who does my gardening and he had way too much to drink.
I saw him first thing this morning and he was rough around the hedges.
I saw him first thing this morning and he was rough around the hedges.
November 19, 2025 at 11:29 AM
#LunchPun Last night, I went to the pub with the bloke who does my gardening and he had way too much to drink.
I saw him first thing this morning and he was rough around the hedges.
I saw him first thing this morning and he was rough around the hedges.
#LunchPun My very favourite wines are all made using a mixture of the finest grapes mixed with petroleum byproducts. People say I have a refined taste.
November 18, 2025 at 12:02 PM
#LunchPun My very favourite wines are all made using a mixture of the finest grapes mixed with petroleum byproducts. People say I have a refined taste.
#LunchPun I popped to a mate’s house earlier and he answered the door wearing footwear made from sewn-together banana skins. When I ask what they were he said “slippers”.
November 17, 2025 at 11:19 AM
#LunchPun I popped to a mate’s house earlier and he answered the door wearing footwear made from sewn-together banana skins. When I ask what they were he said “slippers”.
#LunchPun I developed a company that makes affordable attire for the masses, made from bird feathers and by products. Everyone really seemed to appreciate my Cheep clothing.
November 16, 2025 at 11:00 AM
#LunchPun I developed a company that makes affordable attire for the masses, made from bird feathers and by products. Everyone really seemed to appreciate my Cheep clothing.
#LunchPun My best friend is incredibly rich and has fallen deeply for the charms of a poor young woman who makes whisky. No matter what people say, he loves her still.
November 15, 2025 at 9:44 AM
#LunchPun My best friend is incredibly rich and has fallen deeply for the charms of a poor young woman who makes whisky. No matter what people say, he loves her still.
#LunchPun As a police officer I was called to a house where a dead body had been found. I ascertained that he had been stealing dogs, taking them home and eating lots of them. The Coroner recorded it as a roverdose.
November 13, 2025 at 11:52 AM
#LunchPun As a police officer I was called to a house where a dead body had been found. I ascertained that he had been stealing dogs, taking them home and eating lots of them. The Coroner recorded it as a roverdose.
#LunchPun As a young detective I got called to a murder scene where the killer had misspelled a message written in the victim’s blood? The Forensic Team suspected it was a type-o.
November 12, 2025 at 11:46 AM
#LunchPun As a young detective I got called to a murder scene where the killer had misspelled a message written in the victim’s blood? The Forensic Team suspected it was a type-o.
#LunchPun I once arrested a chap at a Wizard of Oz reenactment for pickpocketing from the people playing the Munchkins. How could anyone stoop so low?
November 11, 2025 at 11:57 AM
#LunchPun I once arrested a chap at a Wizard of Oz reenactment for pickpocketing from the people playing the Munchkins. How could anyone stoop so low?
#LunchPun When I was a police officer I had a friend who joined the Dog Section. The pup he was given to train was a complete and utter extrovert and loved to be the scenter of attention.
November 10, 2025 at 11:38 AM
#LunchPun When I was a police officer I had a friend who joined the Dog Section. The pup he was given to train was a complete and utter extrovert and loved to be the scenter of attention.
#LunchPun In London yesterday and saw a politician leading a group of people pointlessly trying to storm the gates of Downing Street.
Farage of the right brigade?
I didn’t see him but It was a pretty poor effort.
Farage of the right brigade?
I didn’t see him but It was a pretty poor effort.
November 9, 2025 at 1:19 PM
#LunchPun In London yesterday and saw a politician leading a group of people pointlessly trying to storm the gates of Downing Street.
Farage of the right brigade?
I didn’t see him but It was a pretty poor effort.
Farage of the right brigade?
I didn’t see him but It was a pretty poor effort.
#LunchPun I went to a fancy dress party where we had to dress as Russian Kings. One of the party games was to squeeze everyone into a cupboard as the host loved playing Czardines.
November 7, 2025 at 11:57 AM
#LunchPun I went to a fancy dress party where we had to dress as Russian Kings. One of the party games was to squeeze everyone into a cupboard as the host loved playing Czardines.
#LunchPun I used to work for a weird bunch of American gold bullion sellers and every morning after singing their national anthem had to chant “Ingot we trust”.
November 6, 2025 at 11:58 AM
#LunchPun I used to work for a weird bunch of American gold bullion sellers and every morning after singing their national anthem had to chant “Ingot we trust”.
#LunchPun Just watched a load of politicians arguing on BBC1 about the best County Christmas Shows where you can buy dried grapes to add to a Xmas cake. I do like curranty fairs programmes.
November 5, 2025 at 11:44 AM
#LunchPun Just watched a load of politicians arguing on BBC1 about the best County Christmas Shows where you can buy dried grapes to add to a Xmas cake. I do like curranty fairs programmes.
#LunchPun I once met a man who sat at the top of mountains writing 3-line, Japanese poems. It turned out that he was a genius with an incredibly high Haiku.
November 3, 2025 at 11:57 AM
#LunchPun I once met a man who sat at the top of mountains writing 3-line, Japanese poems. It turned out that he was a genius with an incredibly high Haiku.