We’re going to need evidence. I’ll take photos, text messages, long multipart narrative with visceral descriptions and lurid details…

Let’s face it, vodka alone isn’t going to get me through this holiday. Bizarre erotica might help

Sigh, … at least it isn’t ranch dressing…

Turkey can go, bland and dry and that’s when it is cooked correctly. I’m hoping for a good pork belly ramen with spicy broth myself.

Get yourself a good set of gels

Wait, there’s more than one??

Is it (3rd) leg day?

If you see me out, you have full permission to come say hi. If you think any of my friends are cute, just whisper in my ear and I’ll introduce you

Heck, I’ll introduce you to anyone, point ‘em out

I know the feeling. I let the voices win

In Precious’s defense, the English language is a hot mess. George Carlin made an entire career out of poking fun at it

I’m not saying it will fix everything, but it’s worth trying

Fruit Buffet is basically the theme of the cruise 🤷‍♂️

Fine, but she is NOT sharing her box

How do you like your salami? Cut or uncut?