Also, because I forget that most people don't know what aro means:

They are best friend who do not experience romantic attraction. It's that whole set up where 2 friends get fake married and then fall in love, except they don't fall in love. They bone as friends. Bone apple tea.

Like, if I pick up a "Smutty Romance Book" and the only "appeal" are a bunch of scattered sex scenes that the rest of the book is obviously working toward, that is just porn. I also read porn, but I know it's porn when I read it. That genre distinction is important.

Like, what if I used a trans teenager as a vector to comment on all the trauma random strangers put me through in 2021 in the name of "you owe us good representation!!" :) that's smart, right? No one will come at me for this? :)

OH MY GOD, BLESS YOU!!!

YES!

Like, yeah, ":)" is definitely loaded. It may be passive aggressive, but it may also be suggestive. "You gonna stop and get boba? :)"

But "🙂"?? This mofo?? This is passive aggressive murder man. If this guy lands in the chat, someone's about to EXPLODE. Look at those DEAD EYES.

I went through book 1 really quick so maybe this one will take me a little longer 😂

Omg I just saw that book 2 is almost twice the length of book 1 👀

Truth! And I know some people who are very good at like... keeping their mouths shut and doing their part in private, but that is not me, so it just doesn't suit me very well haha

I fail to understand the vision. I fail to see why the hopes of big money, a movie deal, and shelf space is worth ignoring the suffering of others, compromising my art, and surrendering all control over my career so I can churn out mega bucks for the billionaire overlords. I don't get it. I'm sorry.

And I think people in/around the industry are *so* invested in trad pub as the ultimate dream that they hear "I don't do trad pub anymore" and they can ONLY believe it's because that person FAILED. It can't be by choice.

So, fine. I failed. I failed to put profit over my values. That is my failure.

I just think I have the ability to be a better writer, a better leftist, AND a better friend if I don't have to keep being a trad author.

Some roles just aren't compatible, and at least as the industry stands right now, it really has nothing to offer me that I actually want haha

And the metrics of indie publishing are such that being "successful" doesn't require the same level of rule-adherence. I don't need to sell 40k copies of every book to earn a poverty wage, which means I can say "this is unjust" without getting blacklisted by the 1 of 5 viable publishers available.

I want to be able to enjoy writing books and sharing stories with my community and supporting other creatives without the pressures of selling out and shutting up, without being expected to smile and tell people "it'll happen if you keep trying :)" while they die from exploitation & poverty.

At the end of the day, I don't think it's "immoral" to traditionally publish. I think it's fine. It's a product of living in late capitalism, is all.

But I think hiding from the realities of that tends to lead authors to becoming one of two things: class traitors or bitter. I'm tired of that part.

And I guess I'm kind of cool with that because I have many other skills that don't clash with my values, and I'm having a pretty good time in indie pub.

The hardest part has just been trying to unlearn the bitterness at having fallen for the lie that trad pub sold me. That dream never existed.

And I think that actually *does* work for some people. They get a good deal, they become the exception, and then they convince themself that everyone else can be the exception too, if they just *try* hard enough, pull themself up by their bootstraps or whatever. I never learned that skill.

Anyway, this was the realization that made it clear trad pub isn't really for me.

Whenever I said "Idk if I want to trad pub anymore" people would say "but your NEXT deal could go to auction!!" like *my* making 6-figs would make me at peace with everyone else being exploited.

People talk about how miserable it is to be around bitter people in publishing, but I genuinely cannot be around people who *aren't* bitter.

Your friends have been sexually stalked by their agents and financially abused by their publisher & you're *not* bitter? Bc *your* pub gave you 6 figures??