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matthewbrendenwood.bsky.social
Ma🌵🌵hew Brenden WooOOoooOoood | 🌎🚀🌙
@matthewbrendenwood.bsky.social
920 followers 1.8K following 5.7K posts
Dad, writer, musician, learning designer, cancer doer, dork. Find my science books for young readers at matthewbrendenwood.com or your local library. He/him. My person takes, opinions, & jokes do not reflect those of my employers, natch
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matthewbrendenwood.bsky.social
Crocodile Bungee
Text messages between adult human people: Me: Happy Thanksgiving buhds I'm giving thanks for Y'ALL Also I have a genius idea We fill a pond with alligators Build a bungee platform above it And call it Crocodile Bungee But because it's alligators people will get angry Abe: Fuck yeah I'm in Me: And that will generate PRESS
November 28, 2025 at 7:18 AM
matthewbrendenwood.bsky.social
"Son, she said, have I got a little story for you.
What you thought was your daddy was nothin' but a..."
Pope Leo the Something appears to be signing into a mic in a crowd
November 23, 2025 at 4:12 PM
matthewbrendenwood.bsky.social
This is what it sounds like
When WOL CRY

Being a Wolves supporter is exceptionally torturous this season ugh
November 22, 2025 at 4:29 PM
matthewbrendenwood.bsky.social
Is there a word for the feeling you get when the lock screen is a place you've been in real life
Windows lock screen, aerial view of Stowe, Vermont, during foliage season. Red and orange leaves strangle the tormented mountains under a carefree but cruel blue sky
November 18, 2025 at 4:42 AM
matthewbrendenwood.bsky.social
It's not ChrisMax season until The Child draws Santasaurus
A candy cane-striped T-Rex, nest of eggs, a palm tree with coconuts, dino footprints, a tiny elf saying "I'm an elf!"
November 12, 2025 at 12:22 AM
matthewbrendenwood.bsky.social
Ace Murder Cat (AKA Jasper the Amur Leopard) clearly considering murdering every looky loo in sight
An Amur Leopard named Jasper sits on their perch at the Phoenix Zoo.
November 11, 2025 at 11:05 PM
matthewbrendenwood.bsky.social
Good for Sandwich Guy.

But the REALLY important question is:

How does today's verdict impact the lethality of other foods classified by the Cube Rule?
The cube rule of food identification. Eight cubes at various levels of containment. Moving clockwise from the upper left: 1. Salad (unenclosed food), 2. Toast (base only), 3. Sandwich (top and bottom), 4. Sushi (top, bottom, and two opposite sides), 5. Cake (top, middle, and bottom), 6. Calzone (all sides), 7. Quiche (all but top), 8. Taco (bottom and two opposite sides)
November 6, 2025 at 10:27 PM
matthewbrendenwood.bsky.social
Maricopa County's ballot confirmation messaging has a real Inigo Montoya vibe #oopsivoted
Email that reads "Hello from the Maricopa County Recorder's Office. Election Day is 11-04-2025. We received your ballot."
November 2, 2025 at 5:16 AM
matthewbrendenwood.bsky.social
A collection of Gila woodpeckers is called a "boner"
A handsome Gila woodpecker sitting on a cinder block wall. The bird is female, tan in color, with black and white pattern wings & back
October 30, 2025 at 3:03 PM
matthewbrendenwood.bsky.social
Important poll - is this:

The Milky Way

Or

The floor of an NYC subway car
Flecks of white against black, concentrated in swath running diagonally from upper left to lower right. Answer: Accidental shot of the floor of a subway car in NYC
October 24, 2025 at 3:47 AM
matthewbrendenwood.bsky.social
Man I Love Clouds
Wall of wavy bumpy lumpy clouds from above, in swirly twirly patterns
October 24, 2025 at 12:33 AM
matthewbrendenwood.bsky.social
Man I Love Clouds
Wall of wavy bumpy lumpy clouds from above, in swirly twirly patterns
October 23, 2025 at 11:09 PM
matthewbrendenwood.bsky.social
Unique New York
- Ron Burgundy
NYC building lobby. Large, black and white checkered floor, white marble(?) walls. A brass art Deco-era mail slot centered on the wall, flanked by green marble columns and brass sconces. Deco ceiling, salmon & cream patterned with gold trim.
October 21, 2025 at 3:32 PM
matthewbrendenwood.bsky.social
As I was leaving to catch my flight The Child insisted I take this Squishmallow for company and now I'm sharing a bed with "Cheddar Cheese" in The Big 🍎
A peach-faced Squishmallow stuffy thingy. It has coal-black eyes, a tight but not unfriendly smile, and orange flanks. It sleeps with me, now.
October 20, 2025 at 3:44 AM
matthewbrendenwood.bsky.social
I don't always wear my rainbow unicorn pjs while exercising my right to peacefully assemble in opposition to *all the fascisms* but when I do I get coal-rolled by a bunch of jagweeds immediately after this picture but jokes on them I've already had the cancer 🤡
Late GenX guy in rainbow unicorn pjs about to get coal-rolled by a fascist (in Sunny North Phoenix)
October 19, 2025 at 12:49 AM
matthewbrendenwood.bsky.social
My liege
Sign that reads NO KING BUT BURGER KING! American flag upper left corner, 90s stylized Burger King mask at bottom
October 18, 2025 at 8:29 PM
matthewbrendenwood.bsky.social
You're in Beantown now!

...Or is it Legumeburg?
Cannellini beans, vodka sauce, spinach, & some onion in an orange Dutch oven. Gently spooned from the right.
October 16, 2025 at 2:08 AM
matthewbrendenwood.bsky.social
Hello yes I would like to report a gorgeous view of the desert
October 12, 2025 at 5:06 PM
matthewbrendenwood.bsky.social
Damp desert nights
A nighttime view of the Sonoran desert, lit by the moon. Mr. Lemmon in the distance, saguaro cactus in the right foreground, desert scrub throughout. A mix of high and low clouds reflecting the moon, which is just out of frame.
October 10, 2025 at 5:03 PM
matthewbrendenwood.bsky.social
Did I do that? (Urkel voice)

Also, uh...
A new hurricane forecast now showing two storms potentially impacting the desert southwest. The Wettening Part 2?
October 9, 2025 at 7:37 PM
matthewbrendenwood.bsky.social
The Watering Approaches
The projected path of hurricane Priscilla, crossing northeast over Baja California into Arizona by October 12. I bought a new poncho.
October 9, 2025 at 3:30 PM
matthewbrendenwood.bsky.social
Got our tubes tied on the river, as you do
A bunch of GOOD HUMANS in inner tubes floating down a salty river in the desert. There are many colorful hats, jorts, etc.
October 6, 2025 at 7:51 PM
matthewbrendenwood.bsky.social
I saw Horse_ebooks living their best life
Three wild horses along the Salt River. A large brown horsey on the right, a smaller white horsey on the left, and another brown horsey behind the white horsey. They're standing on the river's edge, near mesquite and Palo Verde trees, just a few feet from the water.
October 5, 2025 at 2:35 PM
matthewbrendenwood.bsky.social
Nice (weather we're having in the desert at the moment)
AccuWeather forecast for Phoenix, AZ: Periods of rain and a thunderstorm for at least 60 min 69° Real Deal 67 Color wheel showing rain developing
September 26, 2025 at 9:33 PM
matthewbrendenwood.bsky.social
Endut hoch hech!
A Child's drawing of a rat/cat in a village that reminds me of Worker and Parasite from the Simpsons
September 26, 2025 at 3:59 AM