Me: you’re late
Client: only by a tiny bit
Me: I started and finished a whole NYT sudoku in the time I waited for you
Client: that would make you a world record holder
Me: yeah, I know 😎

Any establishment with poached eggs to go on my way to work hates to see me coming

Having a very drawn out argument about why I’d prefer she didn’t open all her Christmas presents now and she’s like “well I make all my own choices!!! You told me!!!”

Grwm hauling a massive bag across town looking like an unwashed gremlin so I can commandeer my best friends bathroom for an everything shower because my bathroom flooded

I feel like people are often keen to dismiss brothel raids as something neutral. Sometimes people don’t understand why I complain about being caught up in Modern Slavery Act raids. Obviously I’m fine, right? Like, I’m not in prison right now so I’m fine? Nah actually

It’s harder and harder to tolerate “ban the sex industry” as a realistic grown up argument given that’s not a possible thing and has never been managed anywhere ever. Like you don’t think it should exist? That’s great sweetie. It does though

Mad the number of people who sleep with their phone on loud and then get arsey when ur message wakes them up… what if I was a spam text? Take some responsibility for yourself and turn your notifications to silent

Grown men seeing a 25 year old with larger than average honkers

Caring for Ramona is fun because while she is autistic and I accommodate for that I also acknowledge she is now an adult, which meant I got her a very cool advent calendar but also had to go “well you make your own choices” when she wanted to open it all at once

Once when Felix and I broke up I paid an Etsy witch for a love spell and then we got back together and now I’m scared he’ll leave me if i accidentally break a tiny jar with rose petals in it

Am I supposed to post my greatest hits or something