Leon’s Existential Cafe
@leonscafe.bsky.social
Mental Health Counselor and writer, using ideas as medicine.
In the Disney film, Cool Runnings, John Candy’s character astutely asserts that if one isn’t enough without a gold medal, he’ll never be enough with one. Schopenhauer would have agreed: If you don’t deserve acclaim, no amount of it will ever prove you do. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...
Schopenhauer's Advice to Gifted Children
Arthur Schopenhauer's wisdom applies to gifted children and young adults, who often obsess over attaining external validation and finding objective meaning.
www.psychologytoday.com
November 29, 2025 at 1:34 AM
In the Disney film, Cool Runnings, John Candy’s character astutely asserts that if one isn’t enough without a gold medal, he’ll never be enough with one. Schopenhauer would have agreed: If you don’t deserve acclaim, no amount of it will ever prove you do. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...
Being good only matters when it positively affects others, at least in the long-term if not the short. Sometimes, however, people become so preoccupied with being good that they aren’t, or at least not as often as they believe themselves to be. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...
Moral Perfectionism and the Selfishness of Shame
Moral perfectionism is associated with excessive pride, which often blinds us from others' needs while making us falsely believe that we're good and thoughtful people.
www.psychologytoday.com
November 28, 2025 at 10:55 PM
Being good only matters when it positively affects others, at least in the long-term if not the short. Sometimes, however, people become so preoccupied with being good that they aren’t, or at least not as often as they believe themselves to be. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...
Rather than be defined by his credentials, Schopenhauer was defined solely, or mainly, by his name, evidenced by his unwillingness to attach his doctoral credential to the nameplate on his door or have anything other than his name engraved on his tombstone. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...
Schopenhauer's Advice to Gifted Children
Arthur Schopenhauer's wisdom applies to gifted children and young adults, who often obsess over attaining external validation and finding objective meaning.
www.psychologytoday.com
November 28, 2025 at 8:12 PM
Rather than be defined by his credentials, Schopenhauer was defined solely, or mainly, by his name, evidenced by his unwillingness to attach his doctoral credential to the nameplate on his door or have anything other than his name engraved on his tombstone. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...
Reposted by Leon’s Existential Cafe
A really smart reflection on my book by @leonscafe.bsky.social for @psychologytoday.com
Reading @davidbatherwoods.bsky.social’s biography, I knew my patients would identify with it. Arthur addressed fame, recognition, honor, and meaning; additionally, he indirectly addressed indecision by how he lived and the choices he made around his vocation. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...
Schopenhauer's Advice to Gifted Children
Arthur Schopenhauer's wisdom applies to gifted children and young adults, who often obsess over attaining external validation and finding objective meaning.
www.psychologytoday.com
November 28, 2025 at 2:59 PM
A really smart reflection on my book by @leonscafe.bsky.social for @psychologytoday.com
Reading @davidbatherwoods.bsky.social’s biography, I knew my patients would identify with it. Arthur addressed fame, recognition, honor, and meaning; additionally, he indirectly addressed indecision by how he lived and the choices he made around his vocation. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...
Schopenhauer's Advice to Gifted Children
Arthur Schopenhauer's wisdom applies to gifted children and young adults, who often obsess over attaining external validation and finding objective meaning.
www.psychologytoday.com
November 28, 2025 at 2:29 PM
Reading @davidbatherwoods.bsky.social’s biography, I knew my patients would identify with it. Arthur addressed fame, recognition, honor, and meaning; additionally, he indirectly addressed indecision by how he lived and the choices he made around his vocation. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...
Therapy doesn’t necessarily free people from their maladaptive patterns, but it always shines a light on previously dismissed paths. Perfectionism, people-pleasing, obsessing, and avoiding are, as addictions, short-term solutions to long-standing problems. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...
Misunderstanding Therapy as the Pursuit of Happiness
Rather than just aiding the pursuit of happiness, therapy aims to help develop the tolerance for ambivalence and ambiguity while cultivating a more harmonious mind.
www.psychologytoday.com
November 28, 2025 at 12:12 AM
Therapy doesn’t necessarily free people from their maladaptive patterns, but it always shines a light on previously dismissed paths. Perfectionism, people-pleasing, obsessing, and avoiding are, as addictions, short-term solutions to long-standing problems. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...
Jonathan Shedler wrote, “Guilt is self-referential. It’s one part of the personality attacking another. The hurt person is secondary.” Moral perfectionism, then, is less about learning, comforting, and connecting and more about self-preservation and pride. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...
Moral Perfectionism and the Selfishness of Shame
Moral perfectionism is associated with excessive pride, which often blinds us from others' needs while making us falsely believe that we're good and thoughtful people.
www.psychologytoday.com
November 27, 2025 at 8:09 PM
Jonathan Shedler wrote, “Guilt is self-referential. It’s one part of the personality attacking another. The hurt person is secondary.” Moral perfectionism, then, is less about learning, comforting, and connecting and more about self-preservation and pride. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...
Nancy McWilliams wrote, "The obsessive-compulsive uses words to conceal feelings, not to express them." Instead of saying, "I'm hurt," a patient may say, "I don't care." Instead of conceiving of their emotions as normal, they single themselves out as weak. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...
Perfectionism Is a Way to Avoid Feeling
Perfectionism and the pursuit of more success, while apparently rational, are driven, in part, by an intense fear of one's emotions.
www.psychologytoday.com
November 27, 2025 at 6:08 PM
Nancy McWilliams wrote, "The obsessive-compulsive uses words to conceal feelings, not to express them." Instead of saying, "I'm hurt," a patient may say, "I don't care." Instead of conceiving of their emotions as normal, they single themselves out as weak. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...
Since most of us therapists are people-pleasers, caring deeply about living up to our high standards for the profession, we provide personal interpretations that may not even adequately or even usefully explain much of anything. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...
You're Asking for Too Much When You're Overthinking
While it's honorable to take responsibility for one's failures, personalizing or taking too much responsibility can trigger overthinking, which can lead to missing out on life.
www.psychologytoday.com
November 27, 2025 at 5:07 PM
Since most of us therapists are people-pleasers, caring deeply about living up to our high standards for the profession, we provide personal interpretations that may not even adequately or even usefully explain much of anything. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...
I finished the book. Excellent on so many levels. His take on fame and his resistance of external validation, as well as struggle with it, had a profound effect on me. I’ll remember this book for the rest of my life. @davidbatherwoods.bsky.social
November 27, 2025 at 4:49 PM
I finished the book. Excellent on so many levels. His take on fame and his resistance of external validation, as well as struggle with it, had a profound effect on me. I’ll remember this book for the rest of my life. @davidbatherwoods.bsky.social
People-pleasers often struggle with making choices, from small to big. So, they often struggle to adapt when making mistakes. This means they frequently double down on bad choices to manage the bubbling shame of having failed. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...
People-Pleasing Is a Flawed Way to Exert Control
People-pleasers tend to double down and blame themselves for not doing enough when they're struggling, but this tendency to personalize, while it cultivates hope, is unsustainable.
www.psychologytoday.com
November 27, 2025 at 1:35 PM
People-pleasers often struggle with making choices, from small to big. So, they often struggle to adapt when making mistakes. This means they frequently double down on bad choices to manage the bubbling shame of having failed. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...
Since most of us therapists are people-pleasers, caring deeply about living up to our high standards for the profession, we provide personal interpretations that may not even adequately or even usefully explain much of anything. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...
You're Asking for Too Much When You're Overthinking
While it's honorable to take responsibility for one's failures, personalizing or taking too much responsibility can trigger overthinking, which can lead to missing out on life.
www.psychologytoday.com
November 27, 2025 at 1:14 AM
Since most of us therapists are people-pleasers, caring deeply about living up to our high standards for the profession, we provide personal interpretations that may not even adequately or even usefully explain much of anything. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...
It’s a mistake to believe that self-awareness and self-improvement, defined strictly as gaining insight into your mistaken, rigid judgments that lead to inflexible and self-defeating patterns in order to be better, is therapy’s only or even main goal. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...
You're Asking for Too Much When You're Overthinking
While it's honorable to take responsibility for one's failures, personalizing or taking too much responsibility can trigger overthinking, which can lead to missing out on life.
www.psychologytoday.com
November 26, 2025 at 9:32 PM
It’s a mistake to believe that self-awareness and self-improvement, defined strictly as gaining insight into your mistaken, rigid judgments that lead to inflexible and self-defeating patterns in order to be better, is therapy’s only or even main goal. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...
This discrepancy between what one believes is good and what actually is is prevalent in moral perfectionism, or the obsessive pursuit of moral purity. Moral perfectionism has the self as its object of affection (paradoxical, as it both loves and hates it). www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...
Moral Perfectionism and the Selfishness of Shame
Moral perfectionism is associated with excessive pride, which often blinds us from others' needs while making us falsely believe that we're good and thoughtful people.
www.psychologytoday.com
November 26, 2025 at 7:13 PM
This discrepancy between what one believes is good and what actually is is prevalent in moral perfectionism, or the obsessive pursuit of moral purity. Moral perfectionism has the self as its object of affection (paradoxical, as it both loves and hates it). www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...
OCD can lead to a search for root causes and definitive answers, preventing us from moving on without closure. The perfectionist, preoccupied with self-improvement, frequently refers events back to themself, asking, “What should I have done differently?” www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...
You're Asking for Too Much When You're Overthinking
While it's honorable to take responsibility for one's failures, personalizing or taking too much responsibility can trigger overthinking, which can lead to missing out on life.
www.psychologytoday.com
November 26, 2025 at 5:46 PM
OCD can lead to a search for root causes and definitive answers, preventing us from moving on without closure. The perfectionist, preoccupied with self-improvement, frequently refers events back to themself, asking, “What should I have done differently?” www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...
Moral perfectionism entails self-sacrifice, rigid ethical standards, the core (and largely unconscious) sense of having a bad self, and the belief that enough effort can negate it. Moral perfectionism has the self as its object of affection. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...
Moral Perfectionism and the Selfishness of Shame
Moral perfectionism is associated with excessive pride, which often blinds us from others' needs while making us falsely believe that we're good and thoughtful people.
www.psychologytoday.com
November 26, 2025 at 4:32 PM
Moral perfectionism entails self-sacrifice, rigid ethical standards, the core (and largely unconscious) sense of having a bad self, and the belief that enough effort can negate it. Moral perfectionism has the self as its object of affection. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...
For some, uncertainty can feel so intolerable that proving the existence of their tainted essence is preferred because, at least then, they’ll have been proven right. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...
You're Asking for Too Much When You're Overthinking
While it's honorable to take responsibility for one's failures, personalizing or taking too much responsibility can trigger overthinking, which can lead to missing out on life.
www.psychologytoday.com
November 26, 2025 at 3:07 PM
For some, uncertainty can feel so intolerable that proving the existence of their tainted essence is preferred because, at least then, they’ll have been proven right. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...
November 26, 2025 at 1:45 PM
In couples therapy, there comes a pivotal moment, wherein they either accept each other as they are, stripped naked from projected ideals, and value being valued or love being loved for their imperfect selves (thus, loving the same way in turn), or move on. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...
Unlearning the Mental Tricks People-Pleasers Use to Survive
A tendency to use mental tricks to please others and get through the day comes with long-term, significant emotional costs, raising the question: Can we learn to become happy?
www.psychologytoday.com
November 26, 2025 at 2:56 AM
In couples therapy, there comes a pivotal moment, wherein they either accept each other as they are, stripped naked from projected ideals, and value being valued or love being loved for their imperfect selves (thus, loving the same way in turn), or move on. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...
Jonathan Shedler wrote, “Guilt is self-referential. It’s one part of the personality attacking another. The hurt person is secondary.” Moral perfectionism is founded on guilt or, better yet, shame, which results from the sense of one’s tainted essence. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...
Moral Perfectionism and the Selfishness of Shame
Moral perfectionism is associated with excessive pride, which often blinds us from others' needs while making us falsely believe that we're good and thoughtful people.
www.psychologytoday.com
November 26, 2025 at 12:40 AM
Jonathan Shedler wrote, “Guilt is self-referential. It’s one part of the personality attacking another. The hurt person is secondary.” Moral perfectionism is founded on guilt or, better yet, shame, which results from the sense of one’s tainted essence. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...
It’s a mistake to believe that self-awareness and self-improvement, defined strictly as gaining insight into your mistaken, rigid judgments that lead to inflexible and self-defeating patterns in order to be better, is therapy’s only or even main goal. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...
You're Asking for Too Much When You're Overthinking
While it's honorable to take responsibility for one's failures, personalizing or taking too much responsibility can trigger overthinking, which can lead to missing out on life.
www.psychologytoday.com
November 25, 2025 at 9:46 PM
It’s a mistake to believe that self-awareness and self-improvement, defined strictly as gaining insight into your mistaken, rigid judgments that lead to inflexible and self-defeating patterns in order to be better, is therapy’s only or even main goal. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...
Their problem isn’t breaking the rules; it’s that their rules matter most. Rather than “looking out for number one,” moral perfectionists can’t see that they’ve deified their laws at the expense of human lives. Again, humans are sacrificed to imagined gods. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...
Moral Perfectionism and the Selfishness of Shame
Moral perfectionism is associated with excessive pride, which often blinds us from others' needs while making us falsely believe that we're good and thoughtful people.
www.psychologytoday.com
November 25, 2025 at 8:10 PM
Their problem isn’t breaking the rules; it’s that their rules matter most. Rather than “looking out for number one,” moral perfectionists can’t see that they’ve deified their laws at the expense of human lives. Again, humans are sacrificed to imagined gods. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...
Moral perfectionism is founded on guilt or, better yet, shame, which results from the sense of one’s tainted essence. Moral perfectionism, then, is less about learning, comforting, and connecting and more about self-preservation and, as importantly, pride. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...
Moral Perfectionism and the Selfishness of Shame
Moral perfectionism is associated with excessive pride, which often blinds us from others' needs while making us falsely believe that we're good and thoughtful people.
www.psychologytoday.com
November 25, 2025 at 6:32 PM
Moral perfectionism is founded on guilt or, better yet, shame, which results from the sense of one’s tainted essence. Moral perfectionism, then, is less about learning, comforting, and connecting and more about self-preservation and, as importantly, pride. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...
There is such a thing as being too good, when one’s so-called goodness is harmful. This discrepancy between what one believes is good and what actually is is prevalent in moral perfectionism, or the obsessive pursuit of moral purity. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...
Moral Perfectionism and the Selfishness of Shame
Moral perfectionism is associated with excessive pride, which often blinds us from others' needs while making us falsely believe that we're good and thoughtful people.
www.psychologytoday.com
November 25, 2025 at 5:31 PM
There is such a thing as being too good, when one’s so-called goodness is harmful. This discrepancy between what one believes is good and what actually is is prevalent in moral perfectionism, or the obsessive pursuit of moral purity. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...
Perfectionists unfairly weigh their negative core beliefs while easily dismissing contrary evidence. Perfectionism is a bottomless pit, so those who tend to dislike themselves need to accept that thinking can become merely existing, the enemy of living. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...
You're Asking for Too Much When You're Overthinking
While it's honorable to take responsibility for one's failures, personalizing or taking too much responsibility can trigger overthinking, which can lead to missing out on life.
www.psychologytoday.com
November 25, 2025 at 1:47 PM
Perfectionists unfairly weigh their negative core beliefs while easily dismissing contrary evidence. Perfectionism is a bottomless pit, so those who tend to dislike themselves need to accept that thinking can become merely existing, the enemy of living. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...