He was overwhelmingly embarrassing to be with in public. He had a very loud and distinctive speaking voice and he revelled in the attention it drew.

You can console yourself, as I do, with the knowledge that you were never a telephone sanitiser, PR executive, personal trainer or Michael Gove.

Oh, very well. I get the point now. It's a bit pedantic, as it was hardly a serious suggestion. I think I was trying to make a point about illegal immigration to the US.

That's Quentin Crisp. I knew him a little when I was living in Long Island and he in Manhattan on the lower east side, and visited him when he was playing in Boston and I was living in Ottawa. He was a remarkable man.

That's Quentin Crisp. I knew him a little when I was living in Long Island and he in Manhattan on the lower east side, and visited him when he was playing in Boston and I was living in Ottawa. He was a remarkable man.

I know. Like me, for whom death will be an upward career move.

You can console yourself, as I do, with the knowledge that you were never a telephone sanitiser, PR executive, personal trainer or Michael Gove.

I confess that once, at the age of 19, I laughed at a telephone sanitiser when they described their profession and training while I watched them exercise their intricate skills in an office in which I was then employed to do numerical analysis of marketing data.

I know. Like me, for whom death will be an upward career move.

I was a data analyst once upon a time. Then I became a physics teacher, and more lately a maths teacher. I feel like I have less value than a telephone sanitiser these days.

I confess that once, at the age of 19, I laughed at a telephone sanitiser when they described their profession and training while I watched them exercise their intricate skills in an office in which I was then employed to do numerical analysis of marketing data.

Their descendants are currently shoving cryptoleaves inside their jackets because they believe it will make them millionaires.

But there were no telephone sanitisers in 16th and 17th century. In fact, there were no telephones.

I am old enough to remember, as an adult, the existence of telephone sanitisers. Before we sent them all to Australia.

But there were no telephone sanitisers in 16th and 17th century. In fact, there were no telephones.

I am old enough to remember, as an adult, the existence of telephone sanitisers. Before we sent them all to Australia.