[instantly] I would die for the Creature

[2 seconds later] I would murder for the Creature

[10 seconds later] I would murder Victor specifically for the Creature

xfinity has THE worst customer service. they don't train people to know information but rather to respond X to Y prompt and that's it— and that's when you actually get a human. It's absolutely maddening.

Here's a note I sent to our members about what we did with their money, and why we expect the Onion to outgrow the Washington Post.

We keep doing weird, hard shit — taunting ICE, yelling at Congress for not taunting ICE, buying bad websites — when nobody else does.

Our members keep getting papers.

you have to go through the AI to get to the human -- you can't yell or be frustrated with the AI or they won't give you a person.

i'm sorry you didn't get to do your focaccia but mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm honey cornbread!

i have that scene seared into my brain (the oven part, hilarious. the margarine tub, whole family dies of salmonella)

there are so many TV and film scenes where people are just handling raw meat and then touching other things and the piercing screams inside my brain i can't watch