Jake Varn
@jakevarn.bsky.social
Working on internet policy at Pew.
Elsewhere writing fiction - stories in Vita & the Woolf and The Rathalla Review.
Elsewhere writing fiction - stories in Vita & the Woolf and The Rathalla Review.
HR has informed me that I can't veto an Escape Room for the company's holiday party just because "it feels like every meeting I'm in is an escape room."
December 8, 2025 at 6:00 PM
HR has informed me that I can't veto an Escape Room for the company's holiday party just because "it feels like every meeting I'm in is an escape room."
We just witnessed a Big Ten Championship Ouroboros:
Ohio State defender from Greenwood, Indiana beats the Indiana lineman who transferred from Ohio State.
Ohio State defender from Greenwood, Indiana beats the Indiana lineman who transferred from Ohio State.
December 7, 2025 at 1:29 AM
We just witnessed a Big Ten Championship Ouroboros:
Ohio State defender from Greenwood, Indiana beats the Indiana lineman who transferred from Ohio State.
Ohio State defender from Greenwood, Indiana beats the Indiana lineman who transferred from Ohio State.
Reposted by Jake Varn
I'm at the combination
December 4, 2025 at 3:17 AM
I'm at the combination
We have to start taxing ads like cigarettes
i’m being radicalized by peacock charging $10.99 per month and having A MILLION COMMERCIALS
November 30, 2025 at 3:15 PM
We have to start taxing ads like cigarettes
Got a new dog leash and you wouldn't believe who they optioned for the naming rights
November 29, 2025 at 11:48 PM
Got a new dog leash and you wouldn't believe who they optioned for the naming rights
The in-laws started heckling me for putting on Train Dreams because it was too depressing. Excuse me for having TASTE
November 29, 2025 at 3:02 AM
The in-laws started heckling me for putting on Train Dreams because it was too depressing. Excuse me for having TASTE
Reposted by Jake Varn
putting gravy in my coffee
November 27, 2025 at 2:50 PM
putting gravy in my coffee
Reposted by Jake Varn
It's weird to not only have lived through an information revolution but also now living through its undoing, all within less than a generation.
Google at its peak was basically the best information retrieval system in human history and they and every competitor decided going from there to “you didn’t want answers you wanted half-assed auto-complete 80%-wrong hallucinations” in a few years was the right idea
November 25, 2025 at 12:19 PM
It's weird to not only have lived through an information revolution but also now living through its undoing, all within less than a generation.
idk about you but I've always wanted to get increasingly unhinged push notifications from my dead AI relatives when I haven't opened their app in a week
November 14, 2025 at 4:21 PM
idk about you but I've always wanted to get increasingly unhinged push notifications from my dead AI relatives when I haven't opened their app in a week
Guillermo del Toro's Frankenstein but the monster is the cobbled together corpse of the Iowa Democratic party
November 11, 2025 at 8:41 PM
Guillermo del Toro's Frankenstein but the monster is the cobbled together corpse of the Iowa Democratic party
I'm a complete sucker for Callan Winks nature descriptions. From his new book Beartooth:
“They crossed the river on the Cinnabar bridge, the water low and clear, a gray line on the rocks like a bathtub ring where the water had receded since the early summer snowmelt.”
And this whole page really:
“They crossed the river on the Cinnabar bridge, the water low and clear, a gray line on the rocks like a bathtub ring where the water had receded since the early summer snowmelt.”
And this whole page really:
November 7, 2025 at 7:32 PM
I'm a complete sucker for Callan Winks nature descriptions. From his new book Beartooth:
“They crossed the river on the Cinnabar bridge, the water low and clear, a gray line on the rocks like a bathtub ring where the water had receded since the early summer snowmelt.”
And this whole page really:
“They crossed the river on the Cinnabar bridge, the water low and clear, a gray line on the rocks like a bathtub ring where the water had receded since the early summer snowmelt.”
And this whole page really:
Reposted by Jake Varn
Democrats in an off-year election
a video of a wrestling match on make a gif .com
ALT: a video of a wrestling match on make a gif .com
media.tenor.com
November 5, 2025 at 3:13 AM
Democrats in an off-year election
Imma need the algorithm to understand when I'm only liking a post out of social obligation to the friend that dm'ed it to me.
I am, in fact, not crying laughing at the CCR needle drop supercut of the Phantom Menace.
I am, in fact, not crying laughing at the CCR needle drop supercut of the Phantom Menace.
October 27, 2025 at 6:46 PM
Imma need the algorithm to understand when I'm only liking a post out of social obligation to the friend that dm'ed it to me.
I am, in fact, not crying laughing at the CCR needle drop supercut of the Phantom Menace.
I am, in fact, not crying laughing at the CCR needle drop supercut of the Phantom Menace.
Reposted by Jake Varn
My boss: so how's our fourth quarter looking?
Me, the sales manager at the company that makes inflatable frog suits: well, you're never going to believe this, but
Me, the sales manager at the company that makes inflatable frog suits: well, you're never going to believe this, but
October 10, 2025 at 7:36 PM
My boss: so how's our fourth quarter looking?
Me, the sales manager at the company that makes inflatable frog suits: well, you're never going to believe this, but
Me, the sales manager at the company that makes inflatable frog suits: well, you're never going to believe this, but
Starting to feel like the USMNT getting the World Cup and playing four years of meaningless games was the worst possible scenario for a young team struggling to form a cohesive identity.
October 11, 2025 at 2:36 AM
Starting to feel like the USMNT getting the World Cup and playing four years of meaningless games was the worst possible scenario for a young team struggling to form a cohesive identity.
[as Jim Downey on that Conan bit]:
Russ Vought? The guy voted mostly
likely to dismantle the government in his HS yearbook?
Russ Vought? The guy voted mostly
likely to dismantle the government in his HS yearbook?
Johnson: "Russ does this reluctantly. He takes no pleasure in this. Russ has to sit down and decide which policies, personnel, & programs are essential & which are not. That's not a fun task and he's not enjoying that responsibility...if they keep the govt closed, it's gonna get more & more painful"
October 4, 2025 at 12:11 AM
[as Jim Downey on that Conan bit]:
Russ Vought? The guy voted mostly
likely to dismantle the government in his HS yearbook?
Russ Vought? The guy voted mostly
likely to dismantle the government in his HS yearbook?
The difference between $1,000 per person vs $2,000 is so comically large, really shows they're just winging it
TRUMP SAYS HE IS CONSIDERING TAXPAYER REBATES OF $1,000 TO $2,000 USING TARIFF MONEY
October 3, 2025 at 1:14 AM
The difference between $1,000 per person vs $2,000 is so comically large, really shows they're just winging it
I read each email from a website announcing they've "updated their terms" as a threat.
October 1, 2025 at 3:16 PM
I read each email from a website announcing they've "updated their terms" as a threat.
Reposted by Jake Varn
[new Isaac Chotiner interview]
September 23, 2025 at 11:27 PM
[new Isaac Chotiner interview]
May we all live with the shameless audacity of a University asking its own employees for donations.
September 17, 2025 at 4:58 PM
May we all live with the shameless audacity of a University asking its own employees for donations.
I burned my hand making coffee this morning and then promptly left it at home when I went to work. Anyway, time to log in to the email machine and pretend nothing else is happening outside.
September 9, 2025 at 2:14 PM
I burned my hand making coffee this morning and then promptly left it at home when I went to work. Anyway, time to log in to the email machine and pretend nothing else is happening outside.
Report from the front lines of DC: I dropped off some compost this weekend and ate a breakfast burrito in the park. Where can I apply for my medal of bravery?
August 11, 2025 at 4:30 PM
Report from the front lines of DC: I dropped off some compost this weekend and ate a breakfast burrito in the park. Where can I apply for my medal of bravery?
Reposted by Jake Varn
Im doing it. I’m thinking about it right now.
Trump: "If you so much as touch or even think about destroying a statue or monument in Washington DC you go to jail for 10 years."
August 11, 2025 at 3:37 PM
Im doing it. I’m thinking about it right now.
Reposted by Jake Varn
Not sure how I’m going to get through these next four years without becoming a crazed street preacher going, “Repent! Repent! You will meet God one day!”
The woman will be given the choice of whether she wants to take her newborn, a US citizen born Wednesday, with her when she is deported, CBP says.
Guatemalan woman who just gave birth in Tucson faces rapid deportation
The woman will be given the choice of whether she wants to take her newborn, a US citizen born Wednesday, with her when she is deported, CBP says.
tucson.com
May 2, 2025 at 7:41 PM
Not sure how I’m going to get through these next four years without becoming a crazed street preacher going, “Repent! Repent! You will meet God one day!”