InDespair | CW: Grief & Depression
@indespair.bsky.social
CONTENT WARNING: MENTAL HEALTH | DEPRESSION | GRIEF
In despair. When hope is long past gone.
Self loathing of a fragmented mind.
Attempting introspection of a wasted life,
via the tattered thoughts of a widower.
Twice over.
This is not a cry for help.
In despair. When hope is long past gone.
Self loathing of a fragmented mind.
Attempting introspection of a wasted life,
via the tattered thoughts of a widower.
Twice over.
This is not a cry for help.
It will pass.
June 29, 2025 at 4:36 AM
It will pass.
Reminder:
...
I feel a little more comfortable with this format.
Adds a potential layer for unwary eyes.
Next two months will be... difficult for me.
It will get darker still.
I feel a little more comfortable with this format.
Adds a potential layer for unwary eyes.
Next two months will be... difficult for me.
It will get darker still.
June 29, 2025 at 4:07 AM
Reminder:
So. Here we sit. You and I. Side by side.
Wrapped in our own blanket of sorrows.
Grieving under the same sky.
And that ...is sufficient.
For now; perfectly alright.
Silence can be our ally.
Wrapped in our own blanket of sorrows.
Grieving under the same sky.
And that ...is sufficient.
For now; perfectly alright.
Silence can be our ally.
June 11, 2025 at 6:52 PM
So. Here we sit. You and I. Side by side.
Wrapped in our own blanket of sorrows.
Grieving under the same sky.
And that ...is sufficient.
For now; perfectly alright.
Silence can be our ally.
Wrapped in our own blanket of sorrows.
Grieving under the same sky.
And that ...is sufficient.
For now; perfectly alright.
Silence can be our ally.
Yet, I persist through this dejection
'Miles to go' and all that
Though lacking an interest in any direction
This blanket of grief; a persistent ache
And yet, a comfort with permanence
I refuse to let it go. It is mine.
Even though it is a large part of me,
It does not - it can not - define me.
'Miles to go' and all that
Though lacking an interest in any direction
This blanket of grief; a persistent ache
And yet, a comfort with permanence
I refuse to let it go. It is mine.
Even though it is a large part of me,
It does not - it can not - define me.
June 11, 2025 at 6:52 PM
Yet, I persist through this dejection
'Miles to go' and all that
Though lacking an interest in any direction
This blanket of grief; a persistent ache
And yet, a comfort with permanence
I refuse to let it go. It is mine.
Even though it is a large part of me,
It does not - it can not - define me.
'Miles to go' and all that
Though lacking an interest in any direction
This blanket of grief; a persistent ache
And yet, a comfort with permanence
I refuse to let it go. It is mine.
Even though it is a large part of me,
It does not - it can not - define me.
I have endured the passing of every kind
Parent, sibling, partner, child, pet
I am soon to be forty-five
Even my doctors agree (though for different reasons)
All of this has had an effect on my mind and physique
I am more akin to a sixty-five by that metric
Worse, where my demeanor is concerned.
Parent, sibling, partner, child, pet
I am soon to be forty-five
Even my doctors agree (though for different reasons)
All of this has had an effect on my mind and physique
I am more akin to a sixty-five by that metric
Worse, where my demeanor is concerned.
June 11, 2025 at 6:52 PM
I have endured the passing of every kind
Parent, sibling, partner, child, pet
I am soon to be forty-five
Even my doctors agree (though for different reasons)
All of this has had an effect on my mind and physique
I am more akin to a sixty-five by that metric
Worse, where my demeanor is concerned.
Parent, sibling, partner, child, pet
I am soon to be forty-five
Even my doctors agree (though for different reasons)
All of this has had an effect on my mind and physique
I am more akin to a sixty-five by that metric
Worse, where my demeanor is concerned.
In a place where everyone reaches out
I was asked to join in an attempt at ...betterment
However, my touch is blighted
Thereby, I tend to write more about my thoughts
Rather than the events themselves
All in an attempt to soften the edge
Not for my sake.
I was asked to join in an attempt at ...betterment
However, my touch is blighted
Thereby, I tend to write more about my thoughts
Rather than the events themselves
All in an attempt to soften the edge
Not for my sake.
June 11, 2025 at 6:52 PM
In a place where everyone reaches out
I was asked to join in an attempt at ...betterment
However, my touch is blighted
Thereby, I tend to write more about my thoughts
Rather than the events themselves
All in an attempt to soften the edge
Not for my sake.
I was asked to join in an attempt at ...betterment
However, my touch is blighted
Thereby, I tend to write more about my thoughts
Rather than the events themselves
All in an attempt to soften the edge
Not for my sake.
...
This is more primal.
A raw rejection of being.
'How can I even dare to exist?'
Merely where it begins to manifest.
This utter disgust.
This self-loathing of mine.
This is more primal.
A raw rejection of being.
'How can I even dare to exist?'
Merely where it begins to manifest.
This utter disgust.
This self-loathing of mine.
June 8, 2025 at 12:27 PM
...
This is more primal.
A raw rejection of being.
'How can I even dare to exist?'
Merely where it begins to manifest.
This utter disgust.
This self-loathing of mine.
This is more primal.
A raw rejection of being.
'How can I even dare to exist?'
Merely where it begins to manifest.
This utter disgust.
This self-loathing of mine.
...
Hate does not quite encompass it.
It goes far beyond that.
It is not perfectionism either.
'Could have done better.' No.
Nor is it disappointment.
Or acceptance of expected failure.
Hate does not quite encompass it.
It goes far beyond that.
It is not perfectionism either.
'Could have done better.' No.
Nor is it disappointment.
Or acceptance of expected failure.
June 8, 2025 at 12:27 PM
...
Hate does not quite encompass it.
It goes far beyond that.
It is not perfectionism either.
'Could have done better.' No.
Nor is it disappointment.
Or acceptance of expected failure.
Hate does not quite encompass it.
It goes far beyond that.
It is not perfectionism either.
'Could have done better.' No.
Nor is it disappointment.
Or acceptance of expected failure.
Not an unpleasant thought, that.
Or perhaps, more likely, yet another self-induced distraction.
An idle fancy.
Or perhaps, more likely, yet another self-induced distraction.
An idle fancy.
June 7, 2025 at 7:50 AM
Not an unpleasant thought, that.
Or perhaps, more likely, yet another self-induced distraction.
An idle fancy.
Or perhaps, more likely, yet another self-induced distraction.
An idle fancy.
Been thinking of him a bit, ever since my talk with the woman at the beach the other day.
He would be about her age now. Wherever he is.
I imagine his fascination with nature and her infatuation with the waters would compliment each other.
He would be about her age now. Wherever he is.
I imagine his fascination with nature and her infatuation with the waters would compliment each other.
June 7, 2025 at 7:50 AM
Been thinking of him a bit, ever since my talk with the woman at the beach the other day.
He would be about her age now. Wherever he is.
I imagine his fascination with nature and her infatuation with the waters would compliment each other.
He would be about her age now. Wherever he is.
I imagine his fascination with nature and her infatuation with the waters would compliment each other.
His parents were clued into the antics as well and were amused enough to play along. Everyone's own little open secret.
June 7, 2025 at 7:50 AM
His parents were clued into the antics as well and were amused enough to play along. Everyone's own little open secret.
We kept up the illusion of not being home, so he could pretend to get away with this harmless charade.
Even got the gardener, from back when the state of the garden mattered, involved. The idea was to pretend she was just walking by if she saw the kid over on days she was supposed to show up.
Even got the gardener, from back when the state of the garden mattered, involved. The idea was to pretend she was just walking by if she saw the kid over on days she was supposed to show up.
June 7, 2025 at 7:50 AM
We kept up the illusion of not being home, so he could pretend to get away with this harmless charade.
Even got the gardener, from back when the state of the garden mattered, involved. The idea was to pretend she was just walking by if she saw the kid over on days she was supposed to show up.
Even got the gardener, from back when the state of the garden mattered, involved. The idea was to pretend she was just walking by if she saw the kid over on days she was supposed to show up.
For his part, he was gentle in his play; never tried to feed the dogs, and gave the cats a respectful wide berth; always with an eager absorbing gaze towards the fauna. He seemed to relish in being outdoors.
June 7, 2025 at 7:50 AM
For his part, he was gentle in his play; never tried to feed the dogs, and gave the cats a respectful wide berth; always with an eager absorbing gaze towards the fauna. He seemed to relish in being outdoors.
Meanwhile, the cats, though not fond of him, kept an eye out for him all the same. At one point, we even witnessed the elder get on the boy's case for trying to climb a tree.
June 7, 2025 at 7:50 AM
Meanwhile, the cats, though not fond of him, kept an eye out for him all the same. At one point, we even witnessed the elder get on the boy's case for trying to climb a tree.
The dogs liked him well enough. A good thing since the kid would visit maybe twice a week, on his bad days. He wasn't getting bullied; just troubled with an inability to make friends.
June 7, 2025 at 7:50 AM
The dogs liked him well enough. A good thing since the kid would visit maybe twice a week, on his bad days. He wasn't getting bullied; just troubled with an inability to make friends.
She still calls.
I simply can not answer.
I simply can not answer.
June 4, 2025 at 12:57 AM
She still calls.
I simply can not answer.
I simply can not answer.